The Boy Who Lost It All
by Acacia Fynn Mellark
Summary: Peeta and Katniss have escaped the Capitol.But now that the facade is over, how will they live together? Peeta, forced to love her, while she just suffers through it. Will Peeta gain her trust once more? Or will her be the boy who lost it all?CF Peeta POV
1. Lost in her eyes

1

I should be over this, the pain that has been in my heart. But I'm not. I don't know if I ever will be. But Portia will be here today, but she doesn't know. I think she's bringing Alba and Curzon. But maybe not, and I'd be fine with it. I've been in my bedroom for an extra 3 hours. I should have been down by 6 to help with the bakery, but I'm not doing that today. Today, how I will smile and laugh with Katniss like we were in love. But, as I found out, it was all an act to survive.

I stare at the painting I was working on, trying to see what's missing. It's Katniss, staring down at random space. I paint in a hand, my hand, extended to her. It's pale and seeming to go without blood. In her eyes, I put a small reflection of myself, but I'm not myself. It's that day. The day after she told me it was all fake. I was so shocked and hurt I didn't pay close attention to her that day. The painting has her in a thin, knee length forest green dress, and her hair is pulled back into her normal braid.

I sigh setting down the paint brush, I'd have to show Portia when she came sense she was helping me set up my car. I head down stairs and just as I thought, the oven timer goes off. I open the oven door and the rushed smell of bread runs into my face. I pull it out dropping it onto the stove, and carefully remove the bread from there pans. I put them on a plate so they can cool a little. I put a little cheese on one loaf which I will run to Aloe.

I head out, holding the loaves against my chest. I walk down the road, about 5 steps outside Victor's Village, to get to Aloe and Baggett's home. I knock on the door, and walk in. Aloe cleans the dishes in a pot of water. She smiles as I come in.

"Thought you might some bread for breakfast. It has cheese on it." I tell her and she wipes her hands on her shirt coming over and cutting the bread. She offers me a piece, but I decline with a smile, telling her about the second loaf.

"Haymitch never eats, but I'll make him eat at least a slice of it." She giggles. I turn having to run out, which I say sorry for. She waves it off and kiss's cheek before I head out. The snow, which I notice has been snowing a while, flutters down catching in my hair. I walk over to Haymitch's home which smells like something died in there.

"…you should have asked Peeta." Katniss's voice grumbled.

"Asked me what?" I say, my voice instantly going cold. If the reasons were different I would walk over to her, wrapping my arm around her waist. But it's not. My heart, which is already ripped in half, pulls at its stitches. I walk over, my leg dragging a little sense I didn't hook it correctly when I got up, and lay the bread on the table. I extend my hand to Haymitch.

"Asked you to wake me up without giving me pneumonia." He says, handing me his knife. Haymitch pulls off his shirt, which is disgusting, and reveals an equally soiled under shirt. I smile a little, and grab one of the many bottles of white liquor from the table, dousing the knife in it. I dry the knife on my shirt carefully, and cut the bread. I hand Haymitch the thick heal, and I look at Katniss for the first time.

"Would you like a piece?" I ask her, more out of courtesy sense I'm still pissed at her.

"No, I ate at the Hob. But thank you." She sounds like she's speaking to someone from the Capitol, formal and dull. Like every time she's spoken to me. And I reply the same way I have been speaking to her.

"You're welcome." I answer stiffly. Haymitch tosses his shirt into the mess.

"Brrr. You two have a lot of warming up to do before show time." He says, and I know when the cameras appear I will be able to act as I really want to, and Katniss will have to suck it up and act.

"Take a bath Haymitch." She says and then jumps out the window. I plop down into the chair across from Haymitch.

"Boy, you're not helping yourself. You need to say sorry. I know it's her…our fault." Haymitch tells me taking a swig of the liquor. I nod and turn, a few slices of bread in my hand, and run back to my house. When I walk in I hear the TV on, and I wonder if I forgot to turn it off. But when I walk in I see a girl with platinum blonde hair sprawled on the couch, a little boy sitting on the floor playing with some old toys that were on a shelf. I cock my head a little but then see Portia watching them with loving eyes.

"So this is what the devils brood looks like." I say leaning on the door frame. Portia looks up and smiles, bolting up, jumping over Curzon, and running into me. She hugs me tightly and I hug her back.

"I've missed you, Peeta. And no not the devils brood, more Hell it's self's." She says brightly. Alba stands, stretching and Curzon got up and ran over.

"You're Peeta, right?" He asks brightly. I smile back nodding.

"Alba, nice to meet you. And that's Curzon." Alba says, extending her hand. I shake it and bow slightly. She smiles with a simple giggle. We sit there and talk for an hour or so. About the Games, about school, about the district, and about the Capitol. When it comes time for me to get ready, a man with orange hair walks in.

"Daddy, do we have to go?" Alba asks and he chuckles nodding. Alba waves sadly and Curzon replaces the stuff he'd been playing with onto the shelves. They run out, waving calling out 'good-bye' and 'I love you' as they go. Portia smiles and waves back, sighing when the car pulls out.

"I'm sorry, but they wouldn't let me come without them." She says, and I smile.

"No problem. I liked them, they were sweet." I tell her, and she just laughs.

She pulls me into the bathroom upstairs, instructing me to shower and wash all the grime that is District 12 down the drain. I take off the leg and tell her that there's bread down stairs. She thanks me and heads down. I shower quickly and by the time I'm down, Portia's come back up. She helps me out of the shower, so I don't trip, and then helps me reattach the leg.

She helps me dress, casual clothing and thick boots like I've been wearing sense I hurt my leg. A thin shirt and a thick jacket. We sit down talking about everything under the sun. I show her the painting that's still upstairs and the ones that hang on the walls on the way up.

"It was done this morning, so it's still a little wet." I tell her. She looks at it, examining it critically seeing if it's worthy to go in the car.

"It would work, but people might wonder." She tells me but it's true. They'd see it and think we fought something when wrong.

"I know, but I still wanted to show you. You look happier when you seeing my paintings." I tell her and she smiles at me.

"I love seeing it all in your eyes." She tells me and then walks back down stairs. I adjust the picture slightly, making it so the face in her eyes is bloodied and pale, my hand holding the remains of blood. Portia comes back up, telling me not to get paint on my clothing. I nod and she agrees that it looks better.

We wait for her to get a little bleep on her pager until I could go out. Tentic comes up, late, and starts fixing up my hair. I find it funny that now's the time they trim my hair. Kem comes up, but Gem doesn't and when I ask she just shakes her head. I let them play around with my hair, with my face, but when a blip comes over the pager I'm up with a cane in hand.

We walk out and the snow is thicker. And I stand in the cold waiting. Portia is speaking to a camera man, and Tentic is patting Kem's back lightly. When Portia comes over I ask.

"Gem became ill, and it's the first time Kem and Gem have been apart. She's just sad."

"Oh, tell her I'm sorry?" I ask with a small sense of guilt. SHe nods, and picks up the pager once more, pressing it to her ear. She smiles at me, telling me it's show time.

**ok so welcome to The Boy Who Lost All! This is Peeta's POV of the book Catching Fire. If you have just found this, then i have new for you! I have teh first book, completed, called The Boy With The Bread. Link .net/s/7567041/1/The_Boy_With_the_Bread**

**I hope you guys enjoy this!~Rue Finnick Mellark**


	2. For all to See

2

I seem to remember vaguely that I hadn't shown the Capitol any of my paintings. I ask Portia and she said it was because they want to watch me paint so they'll do it on the train. I nod, though it seem strange to me. We step outside my door, and I realize that the snow is thicker than ever. I hold the cane tightly, thinking of all the ways I can slip on the ice.

I see Katniss, right outside her door, and when she sees me she starts walking in my direction. The smile that covers her face looks almost looks real. But I know better so I don't fall for it. Immediately, that is. Because when she starts running at me, and I wrap her in my arm, I forget that I'm mad.

I spin her around in a circle, dropping my cane, but I slip and fall backwards. I land in the snow, her straddling over me. I smile up at her bright eyes, and I can't resist it. I lift my lips to hers and kiss her for the first time in months. It's halfhearted on her part, but I won't stoop that low. I kiss her like I would have in the arena. She stands up, and pulls me up with her. I smile as she slips her arm into the crook of mine, pulling me on our way.

The day is a flash, a blur. We're saying good-bye to everyone, fighting through the crowd to get to the train, and crowding on the train, waving to everyone as we leave. Eating on the train, the delicious meal that is as good as always. Once that's done we go to my car and I show a remaining camera person the paintings.

"Each painting _is _the Games. Katniss when I awoke after she went to the feast, the mockingjays, and of course Katniss herself. She follows me everywhere no matter what. So if I paint her, it evens out." I say at a point and Portia smiles approving. They ask about the picture I painted this morning.

"Well, you see, I think Katniss still sees me broken and beaten from the Games. I'm sure my leg doesn't help, but it shows how she saw me. It's one of the worst nightmares, that she blames herself." After that they set me up to paint, and when I ask what they want, they just tell me to paint whatever. So I do. I paint out an intricate meadow, the flowers just before bloom, and Katniss standing out there with Prim. No not Prim, the little girl is too young, and Katniss looks a little older. The girl's eyes pierce grey, like Katniss's. But Katniss stands with her bow in hand. And Gale stands across from her, on the other side of the meadow. I paint on the fence, my fingers wrapped around the links.

They excuse themselves, looking close to tears, and I finish up the painting. When they come back its finished and they take the final photos and video. They guy leave as the train stops, and Portia leans on my shoulders.

"That went well, how'd you come up with it." Portia asks staring at the painting.

"I don't know. He told me to paint anything and I was just going to be the meadow, but then Katniss came in, and I thought the little girl was Prim, but her eyes aren't right. And then Gale came, and I was locked out by the fence." I tell her.

"You sound like you're not the one painting, but your telling me what you saw." She tells me, and walks out. I pull out a new sheet of paper, painting blind. I have no image in my mind as I paint, but the form comes up with a stroke of the hand.

The girl- Katniss maybe?-stands with the brightest of smiles, a flowing white dress hanging around her. Her hair is pulled into a braided bun, and her face has a small about of makeup. The crowd comes slowly after, sense I don't want to; I want to leave it as just her. But I see Gale appear out of my brush, and then Prim, her mother, my mother and father. Aloe, Baggett, Nickel, Pepper, Haymitch, Portia, Cinna, Alba, Curzon. All of them. They stand with smiles, some crying, others-Gale and Haymitch-stand without emotions.

The pain flashes through me, and I take the painting out of the car, and down the hall to my room. I throw it in the corner, not having the heart to burn it in the fire. I fall to the bed, closing my eyes, trying to erase the image, but it's burned into my eye lids. Her smiling face, bright eyes so full of love and hope. I can't believe what I just painted.

I just painted my wedding.

**Sorry this is so short, but I'm traveling all day tomorrow, so I don't think I get much done, let alone up. I'll try though, at the layover or something. Hope you like it!~Rue Finnick Mellark**

**SOORRRRY! AHHH! Thanks for telling me that I had accidently forgot this chapter! Again soorrryyy I started writing 3 and I thought that was chapter 2! Blond moment! :D**


	3. Click of the Gun

3

Joy is all I feel as I sleep in my room. I have decided to marry her I'll have to find a way to do it though. Not here, she'll say no. During one of my many speeches? While at a party? Or maybe at the Capitol? Yes the Capitol, she'll say yes, and then maybe, if were still in trouble, then Snow will get off our backs. I smile at the thought, dozing back out.

Portia is what wakes me, telling me I have to dress. My leg's soar and I forget to take it off when I went to bed. She sees the picture but says nothing, pulling me up. We're basically silent as we walk to the prep car. They don't do much, fix my hair, plaster a little makeup on my face to cover were they were red. The whole time, they let me have the leg off. I rub the nub gently, staring at the slightly raw flesh. They rub something that soothes the burning. It doesn't last very long, but I let it stay on, reapplying when it started hurting again. They help me slip into shorts, putting the leg back on, and walk down to the dining car. I remove it once I sit down again, and Haymitch, Effie, Portia, and Cinna all sit around me. We leave and empty seat next to Cinna open for when she comes, which is 30 or so minutes later.

I watch her as she sits down quietly, and she plays with the clear broth in front of her. She doesn't eat much, nor does she look at me. I have to wonder what I did wrong. Everyone seems to see that she isn't talking much, or looking at anyone, and try to pull her into the conversation. She brushes them off instantly, and we eventually stop trying.

The train stops, and were informed that a parts malfunction. It will take them an hour to fix. Effie starts going off the deep end, informing us of the changes that have to be made. I block her out, the Capitol existent almost driving me to take Haymitch's spirit, but Katniss blows before I do.

"No one cares, Effie!" She shrieks. We all stare at her, even though I slightly agreed. Effie was pure Capitol, and she just didn't understand that sometimes no one cares about what she has to say. But I would never be the one to tell her that. "Well, no one does!" She yells, and stomps out of the car.

I try to stand, stumbling off balance, forgetting that I wasn't wearing my leg. I slip it on and run after her before anyone can stop me. I don't know where she went until I hear the alarm go off. Cinna grabs my arm trying to hold he back, but I let out a stiff growl to him and he releases me slowly.

I jump out the same spot she must have, and walk down the track, annoyed that I'm wearing a dark suit. Her back is to me, sitting on the ground and I want to wrap my arms around her, locking her in a hug. But I won't, I can't, knowing she would hate me for it later. She must hear me; her back straightens and becomes ridged.

"I'm not in the mood for a lecture." She says kicking at a clump of weeds. My heart contract, tearing at the stiches and I let the emotions bury themselves into them.

"I'll try to keep it brief." I say, sinking down next to her. My knee hurts like crazy.

"I thought you were Haymitch." She admits to me. I shake my head with a small smile.

"No, he's still working on that muffin," I tell her remember Haymitch picking at the small thing. I stretch my leg out in front of, pretending not to see her staring as I adjust my leg. "Bad day, huh?"

"It's nothing." She says. I take a deep breath, hating how this conversation feels. So fake, and forced. I need to fix it. Now.

"Look, Katniss, I've been wanting to talk to you about the way I acted on the train. I mean, the last train. The one that brought us home. I knew you had something with Gale. I was jealous of him before I even officially met you. And it wasn't fair to hold you to anything that happened in the Games. I'm sorry." I say. She stares at me full of awe and surprise. I hated blocking her out, not telling her everything, or giving her the things she wished for.

"I'm sorry too." She says but I shake my head.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about. You were just keeping us alive. But I don't want us to on like this, ignoring each other in real life and falling into the snow every time there's a camera around. So I thought if I stopped being so, you know, wounded, we could take a shot at just being friends?" I say to her. I don't look up from my leg, fiddling with the little springs in it.

"Okay," She says and I breath out thin sigh of relief.

"So what's wrong?" I ask again. She doesn't reply.

"Let's start with something more basic. Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine...but I don't know what your favorite color is?" I say looking at her with a thin smile.

"Green. What's yours?" She asks with a smile.

"Orange." I answer her automatically.

"Orange? Like Effie's hair?" She asks, and I think of that bright orange color that disgusts me.

"A bit more muted," _a lot more muted,_ "More like…sunset." I decide. Flash of understanding comes into her eyes. Then fear, and betrayal. I won't even ask.

"You know, everyone's always raving about your paintings. I feel bad I haven't seen them." She says.

"Well, I've got a whole train car full." I say, rising to my feet and extending my hand to her for the first time in months. "Come on." I say. I entwine my fingers in hers, like I used to, but I don't take them as hard. I take them gently in my hand, not as a couple, but as a friend. We walk back to the door of the train hand in hand, when Katniss remembers something.

"I've got to apologize to Effie first." She says, and I tell her to lay it on thick. And that's what she does when we reach the others still at lunch. Effie takes it bur I can tell she's still a little annoyed. She says that were all under a ton of stress and that _someone_ needs to keep us all on track.

Once Effie's done, I lead Katniss down the hall, a few cars down to the one with my paintings in it. I'm happy I removed the one that had Katniss in a wedding dress. I don't say anything as I open the door, stepping slightly out of the way so she can see the extensive paintings of the Games.

My hands digging for roots, water dripping from the cave, dry water beds. Clove arranging knives in her jacket, the Cornucopia, Glimmer's muttation snarling at us. And of course Katniss is everywhere. Beating a shirt against the rocks cleaning my clothes, high up in a tree, the pool of blood. And one that I remember from the fever, where she walked into the cave, grey mist covering her face and body, matching her eyes perfectly.

"What do you think?" I ask as she stares at the paintings.

"I hate them." She says and it slightly tears at my heart, but also makes me happy. It means they remind her of the Games. "All I do is go around trying to forget the arena and you've brought it back to life. How do you remember these things so exactly?"

"I see them every night." I remind her, that she isn't the only one that suffers the nightmares. I never had nightmares often as a child, and growing up I never did much either.

But in the Games, I had one nightmare where Katniss killed me to be with Gale. She'd stabbed me in the gut and back, whispering about how she chose him. And I never fought. I would never fight her, if it meant she would be happy. Then after that, it was downhill. They've been getting worse and worse, every night.

"Me, too. Does it help? To paint them out?" She asks me and I shrug.

"I don't know. I think I'm a little less afraid of going to sleep at night, or I tell myself I am. But they haven't gone anywhere."

"Maybe they won't. Haymitch's haven't." She says.

"No. But for me, it's better to wake up with a paint brush than a knife in my hand. So you really hate them?" I ask her.

"Yes. But they're extraordinary. Really." She won't look at the paintings, "Want to see my talent? Cinna did a great job on it." She says, mock excitement in her voice.

"Later." I laugh, because I knew Katniss didn't like fashion. The train lurches forward. "Come on, we're almost to District Eleven. Let's go take a look at it."

We go down to the last car of the train, and go to huge back window. There are couches and chairs, but when the window rises to the ceiling, we could stand outside and watch it all pass by. There were huge open fields with cattle grazing, and I wonder if 10 gets there cattle from here. But then we see the fences rising up, 35 ft. high, with barbed wire on the top. Watch towers stand on every corner and also 30 ft. The fence has metal plates under it, making it impossible to go under it. I squint, seeing that on every watch tower there's 3 armed Peacekeepers.

"That's something different." We don't even have the fence on all day. And now these people, Rue and Thresh's people, have to go under such pressure. We watch the crop fields start, spreading extensively over the District. The crops, the orchards, the gardens, and fields are field with people, who straighten when they see our train.

I see a huge man who looks like Thresh stand up in the grain field, similar to the one Thresh hid in. I wonder if that's were Thresh worked, and if that man new him. And in the orchards, I see tiny girls that look like Rue, jumping down from trees. I wonder if they knew her as well.

The District just keeps going, and I think I heard that Eleven was the largest of the Districts.

"How many people do you think live hear." I ask but she just shakes her head. In the reaping's it looks like they have the same amount of kids in 12, but now that where here, there have to be more, tons more, hundreds more. Effie comes telling us to go dress, and we leave our spots swiftly. We don't want to watch all of the people any longer.

Portia puts me in a gentle orange shirt with long black pants, and the same black shoes. She wraps a slightly darker orange tie around my neck, and then stands back. She nods to me, and releases me back to Effie and Katniss as we're told the plan. We're staying in the square for the speeches, in front of the Justice Building. She talks about other things but I don't listen. I have to decide now if I really want to do what I've been planning.

We're able to write speeches or just get them written for us. Since Katniss loved Rue and Thresh, I want to help the families. I want to give them something, not to replace the two tributes, but to help them live through it. I don't know how I'll put it in, I never wrote it down on the card that has the speech on it, afraid that I would be denied the option.

Cinna pulls her to the side, changing her orange head band for a gold one, and pinning her mockingjay to her dress. The train stops, but when we step off, instead of being greeted by the District, were greeted by 8 Peacekeepers. They lead us into the back of an armored truck and Effie makes the comment how where being treated like criminals. Katniss slightly stiffens next to me at the thought.

We get off at the Justice Building, and were rushed inside. We can smell the food, but I can also smell rot and mildew. Were pushed to the entrance and can feel something prodding into my back. My guess is it's one of their guns. A microphone is clipped to my shirt and I take her hand in mine stiffly.

"Big smiles!" Effie says, pushing us out. My feet follow after Katniss, who leads me out. We listen to the solemn speech. A quiet round of applause, and then we're up. We go out into the bright sun, and as I wait for my eyes to adjust, I can see how they tried to hide how beat up everything is.

The people there, which must only be maybe a sixth of the population, stare up at us with sober faces. On the normal platforms below us, there stands Thresh and Rue's families'. On Thresh's side, an old woman stands, hunched over, and a tall and muscled girl who looks a little younger than him, by maybe a year. She has his thick face, but still strangely gentle eyes that I saw when he released Katniss that day. Maybe it's his sister.

On Rue's side, a couple stands sadness and pain and mourning still waits in their eyes. 5 young children stand by them, and they look like her. Their eyes, which I remember from when she followed us in training, stare up with the same eyes she looked at me with. There slim frames, easy for climbing and jumping from tree to tree. They look like birds, birds that would sing the day away if they weren't so sad.

The applause quiets down and the mayor gives another speech in our honor this time. Two little girls come our came out and hand us a huge bouquet of flowers. I take mine from the small girl and she smiles back shyly, turning and heading back to the Mayors side. I start my part that was written for me, and Katniss follows back hollowly. I have the card with what I want to say written on it, but I don't pull it out. I remember every word in that speech.

"I never really met Rue or Thresh, and I hate that fact. I wish I could have met them, seeing they made it the final 8. Rue, who kept Katniss company and saved her life, also made it so Katniss dropped a tracker jacker nest on me. I can't be mad at her for it though, I wasn't even mad then. She kept Katniss alive and well. And Thresh who, just because of a debt, kept her alive. Rue and Thresh kept _me _alive when they spared her. I will never get to repay them for that. But…" I chew on the inside of my cheek, thinking that I have to say it now or never. "I know it can in no way replace your losses, but as a token of our thanks we'd like for each of the tributes' families in District Eleven to receive one month of our winnings every year for the duration of out lives." Everyone gasps, murmurs run through the crowd, but I see the families eyes flash up to my face. Surprise at first, but then thanks. The small children from Rue's family don't understand how much money we get when we win, but it will last them all a year. Thresh's sister stares up at me like she can't believe it.

I look at Katniss and give her a sad smile. I know this will never make up for her lose, but I hope she at least sees I'm trying. She smiles back and stands on her tiptoes and presses her warm lips to mine. It's not forced, her lips move without mine pushing them too.

The mayor gives us our plaques, Katniss having to set down her flowers to hold it. The ceremony's ending quickly, and Katniss stares at Rue's family. I watch as Katniss stumble forward, clutching the plague to her chest. I knew she'd come up with something.

"Wait! Wait please!" She says hysteria rising in her voice. I come up behind her, pressing my hand to her back lightly. "I want to give my thanks to the tributes of District 11. I've only ever spoken to Thresh one time. Just long enough for him to spare my life. I didn't know him, but I always respected him. For his refusal to play the Games on anyone's terms but his own. The Careers wanted him to team up with them from the beginning, but he wouldn't do it. I respect him for that." She says, staring at Thresh's family. The old women-Thresh's grandmother?-looks up and a small smile is traced on her lips. And his sister looks close to tears, a smile flashing across her face for a just under a second. No one speaks, no one takes a breath, waiting for what she'd say about Rue. "But I feel as if I did know Rue, and she'll always be with me. Everything beautiful brings her to mind. I see her in the yellow flowers that grow in the Meadow by my house. I see her in the mockingjays that sing in the trees. But most of all I see her in my sister Prim." Her voice is shaky, but there still more. "Thank you for your children." She raises her chin up to address the crowd." And thank address the crowd. "And thank _you _for all the bread."

Silence is a scary thing when thousands are staring. But luckily someone breaks it in the kindest of ways. The four note tune that Katniss had sung in the arena, before the mutts had come. A man, wizened and hunched slightly in a faded red shirt and overalls, had whistled out the tune. His eyes went to Katniss and he nodded.

And then every single person in the square takes their three middle fingers, presses them to their lips, and extends them to her. I feel out of place, like I'm watching something I shouldn't see. But I do nod a thank you to the crowd, for helping her, for their children, for everything I could thank them for. A flash of static burst from my microphone, even though I never spoke. The applause was the same as before but now the crowd gives small smiles.

I lead Katniss back to the doors, happy with the outcome of everything. She stumbles into me every now and then, and once were out of sight of everyone I asked if she was ok.

"Just dizzy. The sun was so bright," She says. She looks at my flowers. "I forgot my flowers." She mumbles.

"I'll get them." I say, stepping back up.

"I can." She says with a wave of her hand. She turns and I turn with her, planning to fight again but my mouth goes dry.

A pair of Peacekeepers had grabbed the old man who whistled to Katniss. They're dragging him to the top of the steps, where we had just been standing. Where had stood happily giving gifts to the District. He was pushed to his knees and everyone in the crowd watches, hiding their children's faces so they don't have to watch. And then the gun fire rings out through the crowd as the old man collapses to the ground.

**Ok so listening to Enchanted, Last Kiss, City in a Snow Globe, Broken Heart Parade, Victims of Love, Perfect Two-breakup version, and Ours, is what the chapter is made of. : D yep that's all I do, listen to music, write, and fan-girl. I really hope you enjoy and now its 5 reviews please! :D thanks guys! Oh and sense you guys gave me 10 reviews in a day or two….its now 11 reviews. If I finish and it's been 1 or 2 days and I'm close to that, then it will be posted. Thanks!~Rue Finnick Mellark**


	4. Soon to be Mrs Mellark

4

The Peacekeepers swarm us, blocking out view of the man. They prod me with their weapons, which I don't care about, but I see Katniss flinching away from the weapons.

"We're going!" I say shoving the Peacekeepers off of her. "We get it all right? Come on, Katniss." I say, circling my arm around her, pulling her back into the Justice Building. They follow but I shoot looks at them, keeping them a few steps back. The door slams behind us and Effie rushes over.

"What happened? We lost feed just after Katniss's beautiful speech, and then Haymitch said he thought he heard a gun fire, I said it was ridiculous, but who knows? There are lunatics everywhere!" She squeaks. But is stopped listening. I was fooled again, and I don't like it. Katniss, why do I always fall into her trap? Why am I just another rabbit in her snares? Why am I stupid enough to keep falling? I haven't got an answer for any of the questions.

"Nothing happened, Effie. An old truck backfired." I say coolly.

The guns are fired again, twice, and I wonder who's dead. Hopefully not any of Rue or Thresh's family, that would kill me. Haymitch drags us down a staircase with him. It must be pure granite, but it looks old and worn. The old crown molding still looks lovely, but the carpets need to be changed. We get to the room that holds all of our stuff, clothes to change into, and so on. Haymitch goes to the couch, ripping off all off our microphones and shoving them under the couch cushions. Then were off once more.

We ran up and down stairs, down hallways, through doors. I'm surprised Haymitch even knows where we are. He tackles a door, forcing it to open on its stiff hinges. We climb up a ladder to a trapdoor, which Haymitch pushes aside. We climb up and stare at the dome of the Justice building. It probably hasn't had anyone up here in years, and I wonder how Haymitch found it. He kicks the door shut and turns on us.

"What happened?" He asks stiffly.

I know Katniss wouldn't be the one to tell him, so I'm forced to repeat everything that just happened. The whistle, the salute, Katniss forgetting her flowers, and the old man with a bullet through his head. I glare at both of them. "What's going on, Haymitch?" I spit.

"It will be better coming from you." Haymitch says to her, and I see a flash from the last train. Haymitch brought it up, but she was the one that got the heat. But she tells me calmly about her getting a visit from President Snow right before the collapse in the snow. The districts in a rebel, and that her and Gale had kissed. My fist clench at the thought and I want to nail someone right in the gut. But I just listen as she rants on about not being able to fix it and how all she did was get people killed. She sits down on the couch with a sick look on her face.

"Then I made things worse too. By giving the money." I say and I can't do it. I just can't. I strike out on a lamp that's sitting on a crate. It flies across the room, shattering against the wall, then falls to the floor. "This has to stop. Right now. This-this-game you two play, where you tell each other secrets but keep them from me like I'm too inconsequential or stupid or weak to handle them." I'm starting to feel bad about breaking that lamp. Man, why am I so nice? This would be a lot easier if I wasn't.

"It's not like that, Peeta-" She tries to reason, but I cut her off.

"It's exactly like that!" I yell at her, getting in her face making her shrink back a little. "I have people I care about, too, Katniss! Family and friends back in District Twelve who will be just as dead as yours if we don't pull this thing off! So, after all we went through in the arena, don't I even rate the truth from you?" I fume at them, trying to quiet the yelling.

"You're always so reliably good, Peeta, so smart about how you present yourself before the camera's. I didn't want to disrupt that." Haymitch says, like that fixes everything.

"Well, you overestimated me. Because I really screwed up today! What do you think is going to happen to Rue's and Thresh's families? Do you think they'll get their share of the winnings? Do you think I gave them a bright future? Because I think they'll be lucky if they survived the day!" I punch a statue this time, and I watch as it bounce's and shatters on the floor. I clench my fists trying to calm down, but I can't do it. I can't take this lying, this betrayal, any more.

"He's right, Haymitch. We were wrong not to tell him. Even back in the Capitol." She says and I realize something. My voice is a little quieter because pain is replacing the anger.

"Even in the arena, you two had some sort of system worked out, didn't you?" Even quieter now. "Something I wasn't part of." Gale's face comes to view and I want to punch him. He put his lips on hers, he _touched _her.

"No. Not officially. I just could tell what Haymitch wanted me to do by what he sent or didn't send." She says.

"Well, I never had the opportunity. Because he never sent me anything until you showed up." I spit, but I'm just looking for stuff to be mad at. I know the reasons he did it but I need to fume on something. Sadly, Gale wasn't here, so Haymitch was next in line.

"Look, boy-" Haymitch starts to scold.

"Don't bother, Haymitch." I say with a shake of the head and a wave of the hand. "I know you had to choose one of us. And I'd have wanted it to be her. But this is something different. People are dead out there. More will follow unless we're very good. We all know I'm better than Katniss in front of the cameras. No one needs to coach me on what to say. But I have to know what I'm walking into." I say to Haymitch, afraid that if I look to Katniss, I'll think of Gale.

"From now on, you'll be fully informed." Haymitch tells me.

"I better be." I say, and walk out without looking to Katniss. I get out of the room and start running, back in the directions I thought Haymitch brought us. Tears are pricking and I'm fighting them back but my vision is blurred. I stumble and find myself on the floor.

He thought about her, he wanted her, and what killed me the most, he could have her. She would choose him over me any day, and he knows it. I can see it, him pressing his cracked lips to her soft ones. His hands covered in scars from hunting and no from being in the mines, holding her.

I sit up, pulling my knees to my chest and clamp my hands over my ears. _No, she wouldn't do that!_ A small voice whispered, but them a larger voice booms in yelling out, _Of course she would you moron! What could you give her? A life she's afraid of, a life she hates? That's all it would be! Moron, stupid moron! _

"NO! It's not like that! She wouldn't, just let it stop!" I yell, but then hush myself not wanting anyone to hear. I have my eyes closed and my ears plugged, trying to escape _him. _But he finds me every time. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I flinch away from it. But Portia takes my face lightly in her small hands, making me look at her. She face is calm, but masking something I can't tell.

"Peeta, come one, we have to go to dinner. You need to get ready, shower and change. Ok? Come on, Hun. We need to move." She says to me in a gentle voice, coaxing me from the floor, letting me lean on her as we go to our prep room.

As her, Tentic, Gem, and Kem work over me, I compose myself. I leave Gale behind me, Katniss in front, and Haymitch has been thrown into a pile in the corner of my mind to deal with later. Portia works quietly and I have to guess she knows everything.

"You know?" I whisper when she's hovering over my face to hide the redness that formed there. She only nods, not wanting to tick the others off. She helps me dress into a dark grey pant and jacket, a subtle pink shirt, and metallic silver tie. Her hands move over my gently, fixing all the little things before she steps back. She smiles for the first time sense I saw her today, and she pulls me out to where everyone is.

Katniss and I are stuck next to each other, I let out a sigh. Let it go, I instruct myself. She tells us what were all doing, and ends it by saying in a happy tone that we get to leave. Haymitch gives me a look, I know I'll have to apologize again.

"Is something wrong Effie?" Cinna asks her.

"I don't like the way we've been treated. Being stuffed into trucks and barred from the platform. And then, about an hour ago, I decided to look around the Justice Building. I'm something of an expert in architectural design, you know." She says. No one says anything for a moment, but then Portia puts in quickly.

"Oh, yes, I've heard that."

"So, I was just having a peek around because district ruins are going to be all the rage this year, when two Peacemakers showed up and ordered me back to our quarters. One of them actually poked me with their gun!" She cries out. I'm not in the mood to console to her, telling her it's all fine, because I can't lie to Effie. The Peacekeeper's actions were brought on by our disappearance, and I don't want to repeat everything to her. But Katniss seems to have a change of heart, hugging Effie tightly. When she pulls back, she leaves her hand on Effie's shoulders say,

"That's awful, Effie. Maybe we shouldn't go to the dinner at all. At least until they've apologized." Does she know Effie would never agree to this? Most likely just sucking up to her, but I can't help but feel the stitching being pulled at. She's trying to be kind, well kinder, that she has been.

"No, I'll manage. It's part of my job to weather the ups and downs. And we can't let you two miss your dinner…but thank you for the offer, Katniss." She adds after a moment with a smile. She starts arranging us for the entrance. The prep teams, her, Portia and Cinna, Haymitch, then-of course-us.

The procession starts and Katniss and I take the others hand. I let out a breath and look at Katniss.

"Haymitch says I was wrong to yell at you." Or the look he gave me did, "You were only operating under his instructions," I knew that in the arena, "And it isn't as if I haven't kept things from you in the past." I say, remember that she never knew I was in love with her until I was in that interview, and even then she thought it was all fake.

"I think I broke a few things myself after that interview." _Yeah, _I think_, my heart._

"Just an urn." I say instead.

"And your hands. There's no point to it anymore, though, is there? Not being straight with each other?" She asks me and I shrug.

"No point." I reply, and I still see Gale flashing in my head, that stupid triumphant smile he always gave me. Effie told us to wait 15 steps before we followed Haymitch, so I watch his feet carefully.

"Was that really the only time you kissed Gale?" I ask her, not able to hold it in. I want to know how hard I have to punch him the next time I see him.

"Yes." She answers surprised. I nod, and let out a sigh. He hasn't touched her that much, only once have their lips met.

"That's 15. Let's do it." I say. The light bounces all around us and Katniss puts on a smile so lovely I could be happy with just that moment.

But we're sucked into a trap. Everything becomes a blur, of speeches, dinners, ceremonies, and train rides. Waking up, getting dressed, smile and wave at the cheering-and sometimes deadly- crowds. WE listen to different honorary speeches and reply with the ones the Capitol sent us. In District 4, 7, 3, 9, and 8 gave us tours of the district. Some were beautiful, like the sea from 4, or the forests in 7, even the wheat fields in 9 were gorgeous.

But it's always the same were ever we go. Always linked together, by our hands, our arms. At the dinners, Effie and Haymitch have had to tell us to cut it out with the mushiness. We're always kissing, dancing, and we've even gotten caught sneaking away to be alone. But on the train we loss that façade and are just hoping were not hurting anyone.

But some of the District... They cheer for us, it was manly 3,4 and 8, but under the smiles and cheers its anger and revenge. When they cheer out our names, it's a cry of vengeance. When Peacekeepers try to calm the crowd, they fight harder instead of falling back. I know there is know way to calm that crowds that acted this way. Our insanity in that arena, it's driving them. The girl on fire is setting Panem ablaze.

I have to start wearing makeup to cover the circles under my eyes. I can't sleep so I wander the train, just so I don't see the Games. But on time when I was walking around I heard Katniss screaming, so I ran in there instantly. I shake her up gently but still hard enough to wake her, and calm her down. Once she's calmer, I climb into her bed and wrap my arms around her until she's asleep.

That's now was where I went every night instead of my room. I couldn't sleep anywhere else, and Katniss throws out some bright colored from her bathroom. We become the gossip of the train, and we promise Effie to make it more discrete but we never do.

My nightmares get worse though, as I spend the night with her. I see her being killed, or lost, or blown up so many ways. And I'm only awoken when she starts thrashing around. Then I realize it was all a dream, and I calm her down.

When we reach Districts 1 and 2, it's a deadly game. Katniss killed both Glimmer and Marvel, and Cato and Clove could have one if it wasn't for us. Katniss avoids looking at Marvel and Glimmer's families, and I can't look at Cato's.

The Capitol comes and I let out a sigh of relief. We don't need persuade anyone here, for they have no reason to worry. They don't play in the Games that torture so many, and kill even more. We will only need to convince anyone in the Districts that still don't believe but I doubt there are many.

We get back to our old training courters, and we sit around just relaxing. But them Katniss says something that knocks me down.

"You know, sense we're in love, then we should get married. You should propose tonight, during the speeches." She offers and I can't breathe. That was my plan, and it was a 'real' plan. Hers, it's just…fake.

"Good idea," I mutter and I get up and leave. I go to my room and just stay there. I curl up on the bed, but I don't cry. I'm so sick of crying, even though the stitches have burst open. They don't even exist anymore. I just let my heart make me stronger but destroying itself. Portia knocks on the door, and comes in, but for the first time I wish she would leave.

"Portia I'm not in the mood. I know you just want to help, but I'm over it." I snap at her. She still cleans up the room quietly. Picking up clothes and plates that I had gotten before, and piling them up on the corner.

"Peeta Mellark, don't you ever speak to me like that." She says when she's done, her arms crossed over her chest. I look up surprised by her tone and her stiff glare but I nod.

"Now listen, you need to be strong, you get to marry her! You get to live with her, and since you can, then she will learn to love. You're easy to love Peeta. Alba met you _once _and she loves you, and Curzon calls you his older brother." She tells me and I'm surprised. "So get up and let's go, we need to get you changed."

And soon enough, Katniss and I are on stage talking to Caesar Flickerman in his midnight blue twinkling suit. He still looks the same sense the last time I saw him, whish scares me a little. Our interview goes perfectly, like we knew it would. And then Caesar asks what we have planned for the future. I suck in a breath and fall to my knees in front of Katniss.

"Katniss Everdeen, I love you more than anyone. You saved me from myself in that arena, and that is a debt I can never fully repay. But I can try by giving you everything you've ever wanted. But first you need to do one thing for me. Please become my wife, make me the happier than I am today. I will do everything, give you anything you would ever need, if you would just marry me." I gush out.

"Peeta…of course!" She says, but I know her acting all too well. I stand and wrap her in a hug, kissing her gently. Caesar's beside himself but the audience is hooting, and cheering. They scream with excitement, all of them hysterical. President Snow even comes to us, taking my hand and slapping my shoulder with a little harder strength than needed.

He hugs Katniss, wrapping her in a hug and planting a kiss on her cheek. I can see his fingers digging into her arm. I want to pull him off of her, but I'm swarmed by Caesar congratulating me and asking questions about how long I've been planning this. But when I finally break free I take Katniss back in my arms.

Soon enough she'll be all mine.

**I realized that sense I replaced one of my chapters so you can't repost on that chapter. So NOW its 6 reviews. Yep! I hope you enjoy it, but I think that Peeta's 'I love you speech' sucks. :/ Oh well, I guess. I'm sorry that these are taking a little longer, but I'm on vacation and I like sleeping in :D. But I love working on these so I try to work at least 3 hours on them each day. I'm thinking about doing a Hunger Games Christmas, but I want to know if you guys would like that. So bye!~Rue Finnick Mellark. **

**Christmas stories done! link .net/s/7656250/1/Merry_Christmas :D**


	5. No more Nightmares

5

Katniss seems distraught, and lost, but I don't ask. Snow smiles warmly at us, but his snake like eyes have more hatred than I thought was possible. Katniss stands a little straighter suddenly, smiles a little brighter. The President offers to have the wedding in the Capitol, and Katniss just about dies with happiness. Caesar asks if we have a date in mind, but Snow answers before we could, saying something about passing a new law so we can get by Katniss's mother, who when we got back to 12, said she was too young for a boyfriend. We're whisked off to dinner, which has become an engagement party.

It's in the same room that dinner was always held in, but now it was changed to have sofas and chairs. Musician's stood on clouds above everyone, but I had no idea how they stayed up there. The middle of the room has been given a dance floor and other small area's to mingle.

But we were just here so people would come. The real reason some people came, was because of all the food. At least that's why I would come, SINCE** (see I got it right this time :D) **I hate everyone in the Capitol except for our team.

As we walk around we see whole roasted cows, pigs, and goatson spits. Huge plates of birds filled with stuffing's that melt in your mouth. Sea food covered in sauces that scream with flavor, or to be dipped in a spicy mixture. Cheeses, breads, vegetables, sweets, wines from the dark days, and spirits that are flickering with a flame.

Katniss suddenly whips around and faces me with eyes bright and huge.

"I want to taste everything in the room!" She yelps at me and I stare at her quizzically for a moment. I let it disappear quickly though, not wanting the cameras to catch on, but I realize why. We won. Snow is off our backs, and were free. Or maybe she's happy about the engagement, and that's why she offered it earlier. I smile back at her with a nod.

"Then you'd better pace yourself." I tell her.

"Okay, no more than one bite at each dish." She tells me but she breaks that pretty quick. I don't break _as_ quickly since **(again I didn't mess up :D…sorry this was the last one…) **I had worked somewhere that I had to taste the food once to make sure it was good, and then never touch it again. But I do break on the second table where they have small chocolate and sea salt thing that I just bout die for. I have 2 of the things but then follow Katniss to another table.

It's starts to get a little funny as Katniss gives me the leftover food that always has a bite in it. She won't waste it so I start eating it even though I hate some of the stuff. Luckily Katniss becomes full at about the 10th table so I get a break from eating.

Her prep team stumble's up to us, reminding me of Haymitch. A girl with green skin stumbles into Katniss lightly.

"Why aren't you eating?" She slurs out with a giggle.

"I have been! But I can't hold another bite." Katniss tells them and they all burst out laughing. I pull a little closer to me, slightly worried about who she's had to have been dealing with.

"No one lets that stop them!" A guy with corkscrew curled red hair yells out. He grabs Katniss dragging her to a table that has tiny stemmed glasses. In it looks like water or something. "Drink this!"

I take one of the small glasses and sniff at it. I sip it lightly, barely any entering my mouth, but when the team starts laughing, I stop drinking it. It tastes gross too, and I gag slightly.

"Not in here!" The first girl shrieks loudly.

"You have to do it in there!" A girl with short blue hair giggles, pointing to the restrooms. "Or you'll get it all over the floor!" I stare at the small glass in my hand and it clicks together.

"You mean this will make me puke?" I ask disgusted. They laugh like madmen.

"Of course, so you can keep eating! I've been in there twice already. Everyone does it, or else how would you have any fun at a feast?" The green one say to me like I'm stupid.

Now, I've grown up having enough food, but I've also grown to know that when you get _good_ food…you never waste it. And I feel a little ill from just that little sip. I set the glass back down carefully, fully annoyed by the three people in front of me, and pull Katniss a little closer. "Come on, Katniss, let's dance."

I lead her away from the crowd, the strange little drinks, and out to the dance floor. The music falls from the clouds above us, slow and almost seductive. I pull her close to me, and we move in small circles. I knew a few dances from home, but they were faster paced. Any slow dancing I had learned was acquired from practice. We could be dancing on a plate for all I knew.

I start thinking about everything that had happened today. The way everything's gone down and how we've dealt with it all. I rest my head in top of hers, my lips slightly on her forehead.

"You go along, thinking you can deal with it, thinking maybe they're not so bad, and then-" I cut myself off. I still can't believe that these people would eat for _fun_, and just throw it up again when they want more. If district 12 was like this, I wouldn't feel so bad.

"Peeta, they bring us here to fight to the death for their entertainment. Really, this is nothing by comparison." She reminds me, quietly.

"I know. I know that. It's just sometimes I can't stand it anymore. To the point where…I'm not sure what I'll do." I pause and whisper into her hair. "Maybe we were wrong, Katniss."

"About what?" She asks into my chest.

"About trying to subdue things in the districts." I answer back. I lift my head when she whips her head back and forth looking around for the camera crews. I look down at her head, ashamed I even thought about talking about it here. "Sorry."

"Save it for home." Home. I don't want to, because once were there she might not come back to me.

Portia comes up to us with a tall, broad man. She introduces him as Plutarch Heavensbee, this year's head Gamemakers. I stiffen a little but recover quickly, with a smile. He asks to steal Katniss for a dance.

"Of course! But don't get too attached, I kind of like her." I say with a playful smile. I turn to Portia who's just standing over by the food, and extend a hand to her.

"May I have a dance?" I ask her with a bow. She giggles and take my hand in hers gently. I twirl her around in circles, dancing in a way I never would with Katniss, making her laugh even more. I make sure that I stay fairly close to Katniss, but when Portia notices she laughs.

"He might be a Gamemaker but he won't hurt her. Trust me; he would have killed her in that arena if he wanted her dead." She tell me and I nod with a smile. So we move away, and I deposit her next to Cinna with a final twirl and a small kiss on the cheek. She leans on Cinna for balance and he holds her gently, steadying her. I walk back to the tables of food, and see the man that I had thought to be Portia's husband. He was surrounded by a group of girls, all altered in some strange way. I would have to ask Portia about it. But when I turn to ask, I see her fit snuggly under Cinna's arm, right by his side.

As I wander back to the tables a wonder if I look at Katniss the same way Cinna does to Portia. If I wrap my arm protectively over her that same way. I most likely do, I think as I lean over some of the cakes on display. One of the men there rushes over to take my 'order' of sorts and I just stare at the cakes.

"Can I speak to a baker? If they aren't too busy that is." I ask the man that came over. He nods with a smile and rushes back to the kitchen. I pull off a rose from one at the cakes and examine the chocolate flower with a careful eye. 3 bakers run out, one covered in flour, another in frosting, and the last looks fairly clean.

"What do you use to make the flowers?" I ask and the one that looks cleaner than the rest answers me. It was a simple thing that I should have thought of.

"What frostings are the best for what cakes?" I ask sticking the flower back lightly in its cake. They answer me swiftly and eagerly. Once of them runs back and gathers 5 or 6 miniature cakes so I can take them to 12 with me to study in silence.

Katniss appears behind me at this time. I smile at her slightly as she watches me speak with the bakers.

"Effie said we have to be on the train at one. I wonder what time it is." I say looking for a clock.

"Almost midnight." Katniss tells me. She plucks the flower I had just been looking at from its cake and started nibbling it. I smile a little wider as I watch her eat it.

"Time to say thank you and farewell!" Effie trills out, standing next to Katniss. I lead her back to where I saw Portia and Cinna, and when Portia sees us she moves away from Cinna. He looks a little annoyed but he smiles as best he can.

"Shouldn't we thank President Snow? It's his house." I say to Effie, but she blows it off, saying that the proper gifts have been sent to him. Effie spots Haymitch and calls to attendants to carry him back to the train. When we get to the car, Portia sits next to Cinna, squished up next to him with a huge smile. He seems happier too, and I wrap my arm around Katniss shoulders, almost daring Cinna too. But he doesn't, he just answers some questions Effie had. But once were at the station it's 1 o'clock and Haymitch is thrown into his room.

Cinna gets us all tea, Effie tells us that were still on tour and we should take out tea and go straight to bed. No one argues, and once Katniss and I finish I lead her down to her room. I place her in there, and run to my room to change. After putting on sweat pants and half way removing my leg, I head back down to her room.

She's already asleep in just a t-shirt and panties. I blush slightly, but recover quickly as I walk over, pick her up in one arm and pull back the covers depositing her under them. She lets out a relieved sigh when I crawl in next to her, burying her face into my bare chest, and clutching the blanket by my hip. I move my arm so she can rest her head on it, and wrap the other around her waist. I fall asleep almost instantly.

I wake first and I can tell I'm screwed. My leg is half on, like I left it, but it hurts. I look around the room and directly next to me is a pill. I look at it a remember taking it when I was in the hospital, so I pop the pill in my mouth and swallow quickly.

I look outside and see it's sunny, and I look to Katniss seeing if she was still thrashing. That's what woke me up right? But her face is peaceful and a smile rest on her lips. No nightmares. I lean my head back down, and I realize how rested I am.

I press my lips to her forehead, and she makes a strange giggling hiccup. I chuckle a little and I just watch her face as she sleeps. I feel her move, and I look down to her face and see her eyes are bright. She seems a little confused about something, and moves very carefully away from me. She looks up and sees I'm awake.

"No nightmares." I tell her with a smile.

"What?" She asks.

"You didn't have any nightmares last night." I tell her again.

"I had a dream though. I was following a mockingjay through the woods. For a long time. It was Rue, really. I mean, when it sang, it had her voice." She tells me with a small smile playing at her lips.

"Where did she take you?" I ask her, brushing the hair from her face.

"I don't know. We never arrived. But I felt happy." She tells me looking up from under her lashes.

"Well, you slept like you were happy." I tell her.

"Peeta, how come I never know when you're having nightmares?" She asks and I have to think a moment.

"I don't know. I don't think I cry out or thrash around or anything. I just come to, paralyzed with fear." I say with a shrug. The truth is, that when she starts thrashing around in my arms, they get much worse. Like I can feel her ding in my arms but I can't do anything. I shudder a little at the thought.

"You should wake me." She says. She probably thinks about how she wakes me up, and how long it can take to calm her down. But I never mind, I don't think I could. I love having her bury herself into my chest, crying on and for me. Not that damn Gale.

"It's not necessary. My nightmares are usually about losing you. I'm ok once I realize you're here." But some days that takes a while. I can't wake myself up, or Katniss doesn't thrash, and I'm stuck in the nightmare. Katniss won't be there next to me, I won't know she's safe.

"Be worse when we're home and I'm sleeping alone again." I say with a sad tone. I will be a mad man.

I'm forced to leave her room so she can change, and when I get back to my room Portia has laid my clothing out. I slip the thick clothes back on and when I come back out I see Katniss wears a similar outfit. I find my cane, ready for ice, and fix my leg as Effie tells us what going on.

We get thrown into the cars and driven to the Mayors home, were Madge lives. Oh Madge, she was my last girlfriend and Katniss closest friend apparently. When we get there Madge gives Katniss a quick and I give her a small hug as well. Last I heard her and Gale had snuck off together. But I never believe what only one person tells me.

I meet up with Portia and the prep team who just make me shower since they've been prepping me all week. I slip into a grey suit with a metallic tie and a sliver shirt. I sit down with Portia and we talk about random things.

"So, you and Cinna, eh?" I say at one point. She blushes so deep it's funny.

"You noticed that did you? Yes me and Cinna are dating, but don't go telling everyone all right?" She says to me with a mumble.

"I think they all noticed. Anyway why don't you want them to know?" I ask, since it seems like a strange thing to hide.

"My ex-husband, you met him that day they came, he's bipolar and wont take the medications. So when he sees me with other men he goes berserk. I don't want him to hurt Cinna so I keep it very played down. Once every things final I won't care anymore." She tells me with a shrug.

"What's final?" I ask.

"He can't see the kids unless he's in an asylum or he's taking his meds." She says with another shrug. I nod, it seems good enough.

"So you and Katniss are _sleeping_ in the same room now?" She says and I punch he shoulder.

"Not like that you sicko! It helps with her nightmares." I say and she starts into a fit of giggles. Some days I wonder how old she is.

"We still have an hour or so I wonder-" Portia starts but then Cinna walks in. She leaps up and runs over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. I just realize he's over a 2 feet taller than her.

"Hello to you too." He says to her with a laugh. He kisses her forehead lightly and smiles to me.

"And hello to you too Peeta. You'll be please to know Katniss looks lovely." Cinna says to me lift Portia on to the ands on his shoes so she's a little taller.

"When isn't she?" I ask him truthfully.

"When Flavious tries to make her wear his purple lipstick." He tells me and Portia laughs, probably I would too if I knew which one was Flavious.

When I look back at Cinna and Portia I see them gazing into each other's eyes. I smile and bow out, not wanting to intrude.

Now if Katniss looked at me that way, we would be in a perfect place.

**So yeah finished! Lol so I hope you guys enjoyed it! Oh and yes I did change it to Cinna and Portia because I was thinking of what happens to Cinna and I wanted to have Portia do something that only worked if they were together… Yep! So this is based off the song don't leave her (if you can't let her go) by Chris Young. It reminded me of Peeta or Maybe Gale too. Oh and here's a link to the Christmas Story!**

**.net/s/7656250/1/bMerry_b_bChristmas_b**

**Please Review there! And I'm just wondering EliseMellark are you ok? You haven't reviewed in a while. Hehe sorry I just noticed that and she reviews every chapter normally. I'm a little worried… Oh well by guys!~Rue Finnick Mellark oh and I made cookies, so I was Peeta for the day! :D I was so happy! I made the pin and a flower and a heart with his name in it. **


	6. Pinch of Pepper

The harvest Festival was fine, and I loved watching the kids who hadn't eaten anything good in months gorge themselves. But that was last week, and now some of the kids come to me asking for food. I give it to them with a smile, and they smile back running back to their mother. She smiles at me and I nod back, heading back into the bakery. I was so tired. I hadn't slept we'll and I had begun thrashing like a mad man. And when I wake up I can't sleep. I paint until it's bright out and then I run outside to say hello to Katniss. To make sure she's alive.

I head back to the house Pepper bouncing on my hip. She giggles loudly and I hold her up which make her laugh a little harder. My mother watches me from the window, but I don't care is she watches. I have given her a home, and I can take it away. I bought a new home for her and Nickel, since she refuses to live with my father. He doesn't live alone, I would never allow that, but he now lives with Ella Shann, a kind woman about 3 years younger than him. He's happier than I've seen him in years.

I set Pepper down for a second to see if she could stand on her own. She could, but wobbled around a little and when she took a few steps, she caught my fingers.

"Peeta," Pepper stutters out and I turn to her. She says it emphasizing the 'ta' in the end on my name.

"What was that?" I ask her, crouching on to the ground in front of her.

"Pee-ta," She say again, pronouncing it slightly funny. I smile at her.

"Is that all you can say." I ask her and she nods.

"Pee-ta," And then a fit of giggles. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump. My mother stands behind me, with a glare. I catch Pepper before she falls, but she got whiplash and lets out a little choked scream. Tears well on her cheeks, but I wipe them away with a gentle flick of the hand. She smiles at me again, her mouth having a few teeth in. She must be 13 months or close.

"Pee-ta," She says again clutching my shirt. My mother gasps and tries to take her from me, but I don't let her.

"Mom, really its fine I wouldn't hurt her. Any way's I thought she'd been talking since last month." I tell her, but she snatches her from me. She lets out a shriek and I want to take her back. My mother pats her back harshly which only make her cry harder.

"She's not yours Peeta! Get that? She's not your daughter! Why don't you go knock up that Seam girl? Huh, why haven't you done that yet? You're in love aren't you?" She spits in my face. I clench my fists, and snatch Pepper from her. I soothe her crying quickly, and then I run her back into Mom's home. Up the stairs and into her room, where I lock the door.

"It's ok Pepper. You're alright." I whisper into her hair. She sucks on her thumb staring up at me with tired eyes. I walk her over, rocking her gently in my arms until her eyes close. Then I release her hand from my shirt and replace it with a little stuffed dog. She rolls over and I cover her with a blanket. I flick off the lights and unlock her door. I go to her window and open it wide so I can fit through it. I'm about 5 feet off the ground, so when I jump I aim for most of the weight to go to the fake leg. When I hit the ground I can hear the pull of medal but when I stand up nothing feels different. I start running before my mother can even notice I left the house.

I run back into Victor Village, heading to Katniss's house my mother's words ringing in my ears. _Go knock up that Seam Girl! _ I shudder, the words sicken me. I do love Katniss with all my heart, and would love children, but I just know that would never happen. First of all, because Katniss doesn't want kids, and second, why would she want them to be mine? When I knock on her door and she doesn't answer and I turn walking out to look for her.

I'm amazing with timing because I run into her as she walks into the village.

"Been hunting?" I ask seeing he clothes. I don't like her out there, afraid that she'll get caught now that she's a victor.

"Not really. Going to town?" She asks. I nod.

"Yes. I'm supposed to eat dinner with my family." I lie, but it's still kind of true. I was going to have dinner with Aloe, Baggett, Father, and Ella.

"Well, I can at least walk you in." She says. It's an odd request really, but I don't mind. She takes a sharp intake of breath suddenly as we're walking and lets the words spill out quietly.

"Peeta, if I asked you to run away from the district with mw, would you?" I now by her voice she mean it. I take her arm lightly in mine.

"Depends on why you're asking." I say, but I'm pretty sure either way I would.

"President Snow wasn't convinced by me. There's an uprising in District Eight. We have to get out." She tells me.

"By 'we' do you mean just you and me?" I flash of guilt crosses her eyes. "No. Who else would be going?" I ask.

"My family. Yours, if they want to come. Haymitch, maybe," She says and I'm a little surprised.

"What about Gale?" I try not to spit out his name.

"I don't know. He might have other plans." She was pissed at him. I shake my head a little, a small smile playing at my lips.

"I bet he does. Sure, Katniss, I'll go." Her eyes widen and she smiles.

"You will?" What, did she think I'd let her go alone?

"Yeah. But I don't think for a minute you will." I tell her. She jerks her arm away from me, hurt.

"Then you don't know me. Be ready. It could happen anytime." She starts walking to town. I follow slowly, my leg sticking slightly.

"Katniss." I call up to her. She doesn't slow at all. "Katniss, hold up." I call and she stops, kicking a piece of black snow. Damn coal dust. "I really will go, if you want me to. I just think we better talk it through with Haymitch. Make sure we won't be making things worse for everyone." I lie, but when I look up I cock my head. "What's that?"

She looks up, to where I'm looking. There's a whistling sound, a impact and a sharp intake of breath from the crowd. I know that sound, I've heard it twice before. Once by force, my mother wanted to show me what she could have don't to me. And the second time…it happened feet away from my front door.

"Come on." I say anger fuelling through me. I walk to the square, Katniss trailing behind me, and even though I'm taller than a good amount of kids, I still need to stand on a crate to see who it is. Katniss tries to climb up after me, but I push her down not wanting her to see. "Get down! Get out of here!" I whisper as I hear what the people who noticed us are saying.

"What?" She says, pushing back against me to get a look.

"Go home, Katniss!" I spit at her. "I'll be there in a minute, I swear!" I growl. She stares up at me and for a moment I think she's going to listen. But then she rips away from me ad runs into the crowd. I jump down from my low perch and follow after her. I hear the voices hissing at her and I make sure I glare at every person I hear saying that. Katniss breaks through the crowd and I'm right behind her as she gasps at the sight.

Gale's wrists I tied above his head on the wooden post that also has a dead wild turkey on it. His shirt at jacket are thrown to the side and his body is slumped over is a strange hard way. And his back, it disgusts me horribly. It's a slab of meat slices or maybe just piles of ground meat from the market. Blood seeps to the grey snow and the Peacekeeper, who isn't the old man that use to be here, raises the whip.

I really wouldn't have minded this, but I wouldn't have found it pleasant either. The only reason I jump forward is when Katniss jumps in front of the whip.

**I really have no idea why this is so short. I just don't. And if your wondering why I made Peeta have contact with Pepper and act like a overly protective father… It was mainly because I really wanted to. I'm overly exsited to start mockingjay for some reason…. I have soooo many planssss! I hope you guys can bare through it all with me! Thanks and Merry Christmas! Oh and if you like Cinna and Portia I have a new fic up about them! Check my profile!**


	7. Only so

Katniss yells out something, maybe no? but I don't hear her over the crack of the whip. He arms were spread out, blocking out Gale as much as she can, but she fails to cover her own face, which was smacked by the whip. I try to get to her as she falls to her knees but I'm held back by someone. I can't take my eyes off Katniss to check. Gale's blood seeps the ground next to her.

"Stop it! You'll kill him!" She cries. He hand is clutching her cheek, and the other in Gale's blood for balance. She glares at the Peacekeeper, her hand flying to her shoulder, looking for the arrows that aren't there. She clenches her jaw, ready for the next hit.

"Hold it!" Haymitch barks out passing by me. I fight against the grips on the back of my shirt, but there seem to be more of them. He trips over one of the original Peacekeepers-Darius?-and rushes over to Katniss. He pulls her to her feet swiftly and I want to hit him. She just got a whip to her face! He needs to be gentle!

"Oh, excellent!" He says clutching her face in his rough hand. "She's got a photo shoot next week modeling wedding dresses. What am I supposed to tell her stylist?"

The man holding the whip seems to recognize her. I guess she was hard to see, bundled up and her braid hidden in her jacket, so looks like any Seam girl. Well to some people that is, to me she's still Katniss. He rests his whip on his hip. "She interrupted the punishment of a confessed criminal."

This man, he doesn't understand the dynamic 12. Our Peacekeepers work in the Hob, 12's black market, and they also buy from Katniss and Gale. He looks like the Peacekeeper's from 11, and that scares me.

"I don't care if she blew up the blasted Justice Building! Look at her cheek! Think that will be camera ready in a week?" Haymitch growls.

"That's not my problem." The man says, but he has doubt in his eyes.

"No? Well, it's about to be, my friend. The first call I make when I get home is to the Capitol," Haymitch snarls, "Find out who authorized you to mess up my victor's pretty little face." Beautiful little face, I want to correct.

"He was poaching. What business is it of hers, anyway?" The Peacekeeper asks. He must know, it was all over the games. I finally pull away from the person that had my jacket, and carefully take her arm.

"He's her cousin." I tell the man, "And she's my fiancée. So if you want to get to him, expect to go through both of us." I glare at him. He glances at his squad, the same old faces that come to the bakery every now and then, stand with solemn expressions. A slight woman steps forward stiffly.

"I believe, for a first offense, the required number of lashes has been dispensed, sir. Unless your sentence is death, which we would carry out by firing squad." She tells him.

"Is that the standard protocol here?" He asks her.

"Yes, sir," She says. Do we even have a standard protocol? Really, our Peacekeepers trade at the black market and watches Katniss and Gale come into town with bags of game.

"Very well. Get your cousin out of here, then, girl. And if he comes to, remind him that the next time he poaches off the Capitol's land, I'll assemble the firing squad personally." He tells us, running his hand over the whip, splattering the ground with more blood, and quietly walks off.

The others file into a strange formation behind him, and the rest hoist the fallen Keeper onto their shoulders.

"Gale." She collapses hands shaking as she tries to undo the knots that bind his hands. Someone prods my back with a knife, and I quickly cut the knot. He falls forward with a stifled grunt.

"Better get him to your mother," Haymitch says. A woman sells us a board to use for a stretcher, and we carefully lay him onto it. Haymitch and I, and a few other people, help carry him to Katniss's house. I can feel a horrible weight on my shoulder, and I don't think it's entirely Gale. I should have jumped in front of that whip, then Katniss wouldn't have to deal with it.

"Get some snow on that!" Haymitch grunts and I see Katniss a few steps behind me. I block out what everyone's talking about. I don't want to hear what could have happened to Katniss, I can't. I know tonight I have a new nightmare. I follow as quickly as I can, but I feel like I'm the only one carrying him. His weight presses on me and I can feel a small amount of blood pooling near my shoulder. I'm happy I have a black jacket on. The snow comes down thick and wet, and I almost stumble a few times. Katniss's mother opens the door and looks at all of us carefully.

"New Head." Haymitch says, and just like Katniss, she just nods. She swiftly gathers together the stuff resting on the table, and replaces it with a sterile white table cloth. We carefully place him onto the floor at first and then we carefully lift him off of the board and onto the table. He's been knocked out the whole time luckily, and now isn't the time he wakes up. Mrs. Everdeen mixes stuff together, making the home smell fresh and like the meadow. Prim does as her mother says, carefully mixing other things together. I'm so intrigued by how this little girl works without even gaging at the horrid sight in front of her. I don't listen to what anyone says I just watch Prim.

I look at Katniss when it becomes silent and see the last of her snow melted. I pull her into a chair, and hold snow to her cheek with my bare hands. They feel frozen from collecting the wet stuff, but I don't complain. I watch as they rearrange the skin on his back to make it look somewhat normal again. I see that as everyone leaves, Haymitch presses coins into all of their hands.

Mrs. Hawthorne-I think her names Hazelle?- runs in and places herself next to Gale, clutching his hand to her lips. Her mother presses bandage after bandage onto Gale's ripped back. I thank God that he's knocked out, but then a moan escapes his lips. Hazelle brushes his hair back and whispers to him quietly. Mrs. Everdeen and Prim rush around looking for something to clear the pain. They have a small supply of medicine, actual medicine that I had to take after my surgery, but they decide on a mix of herbs.

"That won't be enough." Katniss tells her, her and Prim just stare. "That won't be enough, I know how it feels. That will barely knock out a head ache." She repeats to them.

"We'll combine it with sleep syrup, Katniss, and he'll manage it. The herbs are more for the inflammation." Her mother tells her.

"Just give him the medicine!" She explodes out. "Give it to him! Who are you anyway to decide how much pain he can stand!" She screams. Gale hears her, and tries to reach over to her, most likely to calm her down. Fresh blood starts to seep his bandages and he moans again, a thick, agonized sound that sends a chill down my spine.

"Take her out." Mrs. Everdeen tells me. I throw her over my shoulder and Haymitch makes sure she doesn't punch anyone as she screams horrible names at her mother. I can see screaming them at my mother, in a heartbeat, but this sweet woman with so much sadness in her blue eyes. It just seems so cruel.

I lay her onto the bed, and me and Haymitch are forced to hold down her arms and legs until she calms down. And when she does, she starts sobbing loud and heartbreaking. I tell Haymitch about everything, and when I get to the running away he just nods. I sit in a chair on the other side of the room, listening to the pain that she squeezes out of her chest.

When her mother comes in, she quietly dismisses me and I walk out into the room but it seems worse. I have to watch Gale groan in his sleep, and see the blood seep through his bandages. There's a knock on the door, and I jolt up from my spot on the floor. I see a little line of people, Katniss in them, going to the door. I know what they're thinking. Peacekeepers. I follow slowly and when the doors open I'm surprised at who the little snow caked figure is.

"Madge?" I whisper, and she gives me a little glance.

"Use these for you're friend." She says holding out the little cardboard box filled with vials. Katniss takes them carefully removing the lid. There her mothers, I remember that when I went over once, we'd be laughing and we'd hear her mother groan. I would then leave, not wanting to bring Madge to my house. I have no idea what they do though. "They're my mother's. She said I could take them. Use them, please." And then before I can grab her arm, she turns around running back into the storm.

"Crazy girl," Haymitch mutters, but that has always been Madge. I shake my head a little but I follow the rest of the crowd back into the kitchen. When we get there they all look at Gale and know Katniss was right. His teeth are clenched and a thin sheen of sweat covers his body. Mrs. Everdeen shoots a little of the stuff into his arm. His face relaxes instantly and a little sigh escapes his lips.

"What is that stuff?" I ask, watching how quickly it spreads through his body.

"It's from the Capitol," I figured that, "It's called morphling." Mrs. Everdeen tells me.

"I didn't even know Madge knew Gale." I say. Me and Madge aren't close no, but I know her well enough. I remember how she would gawk at him sometimes, and that was a reason we broke up.

"We used to sell her strawberries." Katniss says angrily.

"She must have quite a taste for them." Haymitch say. Exactly what I was thinking.

"She's my friend." Is all she says.

Gale is knocked out from the morphling, and we all collapse. Prim makes us all eat some bread and stew. Hazelle is offered a room but she has to run home to her kids. Me and her mother fight for a while quietly, but she wins sending me home to be.

"Well, that could have gone better." I grumble to Haymitch.

"What do you mean? Gale's fine." HE asks with a gruff scoff.

"For me I mean. Did you see how Katniss fought us when we drug her out of there? How she screamed? If that was me, do you think she would care?" I ask him, looking for an honest answer.

He stops in front of his house. "She would have fought even harder because you're the only reason she's still alive." And he walks into his house.

What? I don't get what he mean. Katniss is the reason I'm alive, not the other way around. I only hold Katniss when she need to be held, only tell her it's all ok even when we know life is crashing down around us. Only saying that we can calm the districts, even though we can't do it.

Only. I realize that's what he meant. If I wasn't here, Katniss would be hated by everyone. She let me die in that arena, she would have been a wreck. Not because she loved me, because she would always think '_I could have_.' And if she thought that, she wouldn't be Katniss. She would be an insane person with horrible nightmares, worse than the ones right now, and she would probably run around and killing people, thinking she was still in the Games. Worse she would kill herself.

I somehow got up into my room of this empty house, changed out of my thick clothes, and removed my leg. I was laying in my bed, afraid to close my eyes, but to tired not too.

The nightmares were worse than I thought. I was walking through the Hob, a reason I don't understand, and I hear a yelp. I run over to where it all was, and I gasped at the sight. Gale, Prim, Mrs. Everdeen, Hazelle, Haymitch, Rue, Thresh, and even little Pepper were bound to post.

All of them had a Peacekeeper behind them, slashing at their backs. I ran to Katniss first, and she yelped out again and again at each slash. I try to get a knife to cut her free but it doesn't come.

Next I go to Prim, whose face is so wet with blood and tears, I can't tell where it's all from. She see's me and begs for help, but I can't do anything.

And then I run to Pepper, whose screams have stopped since I heard her. Her body is limp and she isn't passed out. Her body has no hesitations as the whip smacks her over and over.

I back away from her dead frame, but I back into a Peacekeeper who ties me up to. I hear Katniss give a gurgled scream and then silence. The only sound is the whip as it cracks against my back.

**I'm overly obsessed with the song 'Safe and Sound' by Taylor Swift right now cause it fit this chapter. The line 'The war outside our door keeps raging on' seems to fit PERFECTLYY. It is written for the Hunger Games though so I guess it makes sense. Oh and question. Is there a difference between a Peacekeeper and a Peacemaker? Ok I'm done, bye! And Merry Christmas! Or Happy Holidays depending! =D**


	8. Prim and a Gallow

I'm up at 3:07 am. I only got home at 11:24. I'm so tired but I can't sleep, not if that's what I'll be seeing. It was the worst nightmare yet, because when I was awake I thought I could see blood all over the bed. I was blood, but it was from a cut along my leg that had broken open. I don't really even know how I got it.

I hobbled around with my leg half on and I stumbled down the stairs. When I'm down I start making bread like I would have in the bakery. But I know as I carefully mix the ingredients I know by heart, that I can't go back to that time. The times where I could just wake up, take orders, go to school, come home, work, and go to bed. But now everything's so frigged up, I don't think there would be hope of going back to that. I slip the bread into the oven and then back up to my room to paint.

I was planning to paint Rue, but in the end I paint her and Thresh working through harvest. Thresh in the huge fields that are below little Rue, who's up in the tree's singing to the birds**. **The oven goes off as I finish putting the blush on Rue and a thing shine to Thresh.

I walk down and see its 8:34, so I rush to the bread but it's cooked perfectly. I see I put it on a really low degree for longer time that I ever had when I made bread. I take them out and set them onto the table, and quickly change. When I do I walk swiftly over to Katniss's home, hopping my dream isn't real.

I don't knock as I walk in, just quietly walk in and head to the kitchen. I see Gale is peacefully lying on his stomach still, and Katniss has her head on the white cloth next to his. Their hands are intertwined hanging off the edge of the table. I want to get him away from her, but I know it would do nothing.

I see what I have done, as I watch them. I have taken her from him. I have stolen _his_ one and only. Not like he hasn't stolen any of mine. He's taken Katniss, Madge; even Delly has said it before. But I have taken much worse. I have stolen his original life, a life he had been living by for years. When I held out those berries with Katniss, I never thought of the predicament Gale now stood in.

He had nothing now, and he just wanted it all back. How can I ever blame him for that? I set the loaves of bread on the counter, and then go shake Katniss's shoulder. Not because of jealousy, but because she needs to rest.

She sits up, and turns herself towards me stiffly. I give her a sad look telling her to go up to bed, and I'll watch Gale.

"Peeta. About what I said yesterday, about running-" She starts.

"I know. There's nothing to explain." I promise her with a small sad smile. She looks at the bread on the counters and she looks at my face for a while. I wonder if I have circles forming under them yet. Her expression is sad and it seems to get sadder as she stares at me.

"Peeta-" She tries again. I shake my head.

"Just go to bed, okay?" I ask her and she gets up, lightly pulling her hand from Gale's. Once he doesn't have her hand his fist clenches tightly. It takes a long time for that medicine to were off. His eyes flutter a little and open glaring at me an hour of two later.

"I sent her up to bed. Don't worry, she didn't leave until I told her I would stay." I tell him and he looks up at me.

"Bread boy stuck to babysit, huh? Nice." Gale grumbles out.

"Hey, you think I enjoy this? I haven't slept more than 8 hours the last 4 days, and now I have to take care of a guy that hates me. It's not the best thing in the world." I try not to bark at him.

"So the nightmares are that bad huh? I know Katniss was bad, but you never seemed effected by it. And you think I hate you?" Gale asks in his rough husky tone that most Seam men have.

"Um, I kind of stole Katniss from you; I'd hate me if I were you. And no the nightmares are beautiful things that I wish I always saw." I say adding sarcasm. He laughs, and then groans a little at the pain. "Don't move, Damnit! That's why you keep bleeding!" I grumble at him.

"Whoa, Peeta's gone rogue, call the Peacekeepers." I think Gale's high from the drugs. HE barely looks at me if I saw him on the streets. Now he's joking about me.

"Gale, I know you hate me. Don't lie about it." I tell him, and his face goes cold.

"Peeta, I do hate you, with a passion in me I have only felt once. And that was when Prim was called up for the reaping's. But Katniss loves you so I'll live." He says.

"You know it's all faked right? The love? We're forced to marry each other." I remind him.

"Yes, but if Katniss didn't care somewhat about you, do you think she would have kept you alive in that damn arena? I know her, and she never would have gone to find you." He says to me, a thin sheen of sweat covering his face again.

"I guess, but she'd still rather have you." I tell him. As I say that, Mrs. Everdeen comes in and looks at Gale.

"I'm guessing you need more, Gale?" She asks him and he grunts. She pulls out another vial and sticks his arm. He relaxes and falls back into his coma of a state.

"Would you like any bread? It's fresh baked, just from this morning." I tell her. She nods with a tired smile and I cut two thick pieces, guessing Prim would be up soon too. I hand the two of them there slices and they eat with smiles. I eat the edge of the loaf in front of me.

"Peeta?" Prim asks me, glancing at her mother a little.

"What is it, Prim?" I ask gently.

"When you and Katniss got back from tour, and you didn't talk for awhile…what did that feel like?" She ask, and even though she's only 12-13 this year I guess-I could mistake her for her mother.

"Like I have stiches in my heart. They all get pulled out, but don't dissolve. It still feels like that though. I don't know that could change." I tell her. She nods, nibbling on the bread carefully. I stare at her, the way her slim body is and I don't see a little girl. I see someone who's seen more sorrow than I could wish for and has gathered it all to be stronger. Her blue eyes are filled with knowledge as she looks at me.

"Don't worry Peeta, Katniss learns to see. She's never been able to on her own." Prim tells me. I listen quietly, and I can't believe the age in her voice. I hear Katniss stirring upstairs.

"Thank you, Prim. I better head home though, don't want to leave my house during the storm." I say. "Tell Katniss, if she cares." I say, gathering my jacket and grabbing the other loaf of bread, leaving them 2, and walk to the door.

"Bye, Peeta!" Prim calls, and her mother calls out a quiet good-bye as well. I shut the door behind me and stumble back to my house. I check in on Haymitch first, making sure that he's alive. Like normal he's just barely, drunk off his ass. I set the last loaf of bread on his table, and head back to the fire pit. The embers are still glowing, he probably made a fire before he got to drunk, and I just have to put a few more logs in. When the fire is hot enough to burn my hand with it being 3 ft. away from the flames, I put in a few more logs so I know it will burn. I take the bread and hold it near the flames so the smell of bread fills the house instead of the smell of death. I leave after I know nothing will catch on fire, and make it back to my home frozen and wet.

I head up the stare laying my jacket on the table close to the fire I made this morning that is still amazingly going, so it can dry. I take a shower, the water hotter than hell, trying to feel my toes and figure tips again. I slipped on the snow on the way home, so I was frozen from that. I stay in the shower for an hour just not sure of what to do. And right when I step out, the phone rings.

"Crap." I grumble slipping my pants and leg on quickly and darting down the stairs to the study that has the phone

"Yep," I say when I get the phone.

"Hey, I just wanted to make sure you got home." I hold back a chuckle.

"Katniss, I live threes houses away from you." I remind her with a smile.

"I know, but with the weather and all." She says.

"Well I'm fine." And then I quickly add. "Thank you for checking." Were both silent for a while. "How's Gale?" I ask finally.

"All right. My mother and Prim are giving him a snow coat now." No idea what that is but she sounds happy about it.

"And your face?" I ask.

"I've got some too. Have you seen Haymitch today?" She asks a little worried.

"I checked in on him. Dead drunk. But I built up his fire and left him some bread." I tell her.

"I wanted to talk to-to both of you." She says nothing more. It must be about the running away or something.

"Probably have to wait until after the weather calms down. Nothing much will happen before that anyway." I remind her.

"No, nothing much." She agrees reluctantly.

"Well, I better go." I say, and she agrees with a sigh.

"Bye." She says and hangs up.

"Bye, Katniss." I whisper into the dead phone.

It takes days for the blizzard to calm down. The result is walls of snow 10 ft. tall. It takes them a day to extend the path to Victors Village, which I find a little strange. During the time I luckily sleep about 6 hours due to being so tired, I passed out. Baking more bread than I ever remember baking before and painting more than I remember since I started.

I get a call from Katniss, asking me to go to town with her. I agree, and we drag Haymitch with us too. As we walk were all silent, but Katniss keeps eyeing the huge wall around us, which are twice her small height. Haymitch finally break the silence.

"So we're all heading off into the great unknown, are we?" He asks Katniss.

"No, not anymore." She tells him.

"Worked through the flaws in that plan, did you sweetheart. Any new ideas?" He asks her.

"I want to start an uprising." I can't believe my ears. An uprising? Is she insane? Snow already hates us! This would just give us all a reason to be _killed_! Haymitch laughs, and it's not a cruel laugh.

"Well, I want a drink. You let me know how that works out for you, though." He tells her.

"Then what's your plan?" She growls at him.

"My plan is to make sure everything is just perfect for your wedding. I called and rescheduled the photo shoot without giving too many details." Haymitch chuckles at her, but it's a dark sound.

"You don't even have a phone." Katniss counters him.

"Effie had that fixed. Do you know she asked me if I'd like to give you away? I told her the sooner the better." Haymitch chuckles again and I have to hold back my laugh.

"Haymitch." Katniss pleads gently.

"Katniss," He mimics giving her a sad look. "It won't work."

We become quiet as a team of men with shovels walk past us. They're going to Victor's Village and I hope that they're going to clear those walls or do something. But when there out of ear shot, the town square is in front of us. And we all stop with a gasp as we look at what's happened.

I lied to Katniss without knowing it. _Nothing much will happen during the blizzard_. How wrong could I have been? A huge seal of Panem hangs from the Justice Building, Peacekeepers, all new, march in orderly lines, on the clean cobblestone. On roof tops there were more, holding guns. And now, some only feet from the bakery's front door, were new stockades and whipping post. There was even a new gallows in the middle of the square. I stare and hear Haymitch say something but I don't listen. I just stare as some people walk into the bakery with more caution than smiles. We all see the flames in the distance, and I'm guessing it's the hob. I've been there a few times, when we were low on some things, we'd go to the Hob to find it.

"…rubbing alcohol the apothecary can spare." Haymitch says, and I start listening. He trudges off across the square.

"What's he want that for?" Understanding flashes across her face. "We can't let him drink it. He'll kill himself, or at the very least go blind. I've got some white liquor put away at home." She says to me. I nod.

"Me, too. Maybe that will hold him until Ripper finds a way to be back in business. I need to check on my family." I tell her, looking back at the Bakery.

"I have to go see Hazelle." She says to me. I'm not letting her out of my sight, not now.

"I'll go, too. Drop by the bakery on my way home." I tell her.

"Thanks." She says, but she looks like a frightened animal. AS we walk around the deserted streets frighten me. But not as much as how the people peek out of their houses through closed shutters. As we walk closer to some homes, the shutters are forced shut, doors slammed. When we get to Hazelle's home, I see her nursing a very sick young girl. She looks like she as measles or something.

"I couldn't leave her. I knew Gale'd be in the best possible hands." Hazelle says.

"Of course. He's much better. My mother says he'll be back in the mines in a couple of weeks." Katniss tells her.

"May not be open until them, anyway." Hazelle says, brushing the hair back from the little girls face. "Word is they've closed until further notice." She looks at the empty washtub in the corner. No I know why I recognize her. When I was younger, sometimes I'd dirtied my clothes really bad, and I'd try to hide it by coming over here, and paying for them to get washed before Mother could notice. She always gave me a discount because I would come with too much money, and try to make her take it all. "Sweet boy." That's what she always said to me.

"You closed down too?" Katniss asks her.

"Not officially. But everyone's afraid to use me now." She says with a sad look. I really want to give her every coin in my pocket, like I used to, I know she would never take it.

"Maybe it's the snow?" I say, but I know it's a lie.

"No, Rory made a quick round this morning. Nothing to wash apparently." She says. A tall boy-Rory?- who looks like a carbon copy of Gale, with less muscle and height, wraps his arms around her.

"We'll be all right." He tells her. Katniss takes out a handful of coins and sets them onto the table.

"My mother will send something for Posy." Katniss tells her. We step outside and Katniss tells me to go home and she wants to see the Hob.

"I'll go with you." I tell her.

"No. I've dragged you into enough trouble." She says looking down.

"And avoiding a stroll by the Hob…that's going to fix things for me?" I smile at her, slipping my hand into hers. Together we walk through town until we get to the huge burning building. No Peacekeepers are waiting near it, no one would be that stupid to try and save it. The snow around it is melted and pitched black.

"It's all that coal dust, from the old days." She says and I remember this place used to be a factory. I can't remember why it shut down though. "I want to check on Greasy Sae." Katniss tells me.

"Not today, Katniss. I don't think we'd be helping anyone by dropping in on them." I remind her and she nods. We do end up going to the bakery. Katniss buy's some cakes and me and my father talk about the weather. I can see as Father looks at the strange torture tools, he wants to complain about them, but knows better. After we finish there we head back to the village, me balancing the cakes on my arms like I would if I were taking out orders.

Days pass, and it's all downhill. The mines are shut for 2 weeks, and almost everyone in 12 is starving. I try to give food to anyone I pass, if anyone comes by the bakery, I hand them a loaf of bread. But children are signing up for tesserae, and none are receiving grain. We run short on food, everyone does, and even those with money aren't able to buy much. I start leaving coins for people, a small thing in the bakery for anyone to take from. When the mines are opened again, there wages are cut almost in half, sometime less than that, hours extended, and there sent into places that have been deemed dangerous. Food from Parcel Day comes, rotten and filled with rodents. And the cobble stone seems to be stained with blood.

Gale goes back home, and Haymitch hires his mother to clean his home. Haymitch looks clean when I see him, but it saddens me to see the pain when he walks into the square. We try to ration his liquor, but it's almost all run out. And Ripper was in the stocks when I saw her last. People often come up to me asking for money or food, and I give them what I can, but when I'm with Katniss they avoid us completely.

Everything is changing in District 12, and then I get a package in the mail. It's my tux for the wedding, Snow chose it. That bastard really thinks were going through with all of this? With all this suffering, and pain in our District? That we'll play his Games even more?

Sadly the answer is yes.

**Yep, that's it. I'll get started on 9 soon! Probably once this is posted, and then it should be good in a few days. Oh and I love writing Prim and Peeta talking, its almost as fun as Peeta and Pepper. Almost. This chapter seems really long and the other one was really short. I don't know anymore! Hehe remember to review! **


	9. Always

I head over to Katniss houseone day, not liking to be alone. But as I'm walking I see two Peacekeepers circling Victor's Village. I walk into Haymitch's house quickly, gathering him quietly, telling him that Peacekeepers are circling us. He sober up quickly, and we run over to Katniss house. She isn't even there, but we set ourselves up to play chess. I ask if Prim wants to play, but she just sits on the floor to watch. Mrs. Everdeen offers us food, and I take a slice of bread and Haymitch takes a bowl of stew. We play chess for a while until the knock at the door comes. The Peacekeepers step in, asking where Katniss is. Why are they here?

I take out a pawn, but I can't hear anything there saying. Prim starts asking about how to play, and I show her quietly. She sits on my knee, and play's Haymitch. He laughs at some of the moves, and at one point Prim wipes the board clean, making us start over. When Prim finally loses, me and Haymitch play, Prim becoming my support as she moves to the floor. Hours pass, and so do many games of chess. Prim plays Haymitch and me, and she does beat Haymitch at a point. But I start to worry. Katniss still isn't back, and I think the worse. What if she ran away with Gale, and didn't tell me. That's why the Peacekeepers are here. Prim goes over to the heath, poking at the fire when the door opens.

I can see a little sliver of Katniss as she takes in the seen in front of her. I let out a breathy sigh of relief but she must be freaked out. The Peacekeepers and her mother hidden behind them. I can't hear them as they surround her.

"…I _haven't_ been." Katniss says with exasperation. She tries to hide her limp as she comes into the kitchen. She turns to Prim, who is stiff as she stands by the heath.

"So where haven't you been?" Haymitch asks staring at the board.

"Well, I haven't been talking to the Goat Man about getting Prim's goat pregnant because _someone_ gave me completely inaccurate information as to where he lives." She glares at Prim with mock annoyance.

"No I didn't, I told you exactly." Prim tells Katniss.

"You said he lives beside the west entrance to the mine." Katniss confirms.

"The _east_ entrance." Prim corrects her.

"You distinctly said the west, because, then I said, 'Next to the slag heap?' and you said 'Yeah'" She counters.

"The slag heap next to the _east _entrance." Prim says, crossing her arms, a tiny smile starting to form.

"No. When did you say that?" She demands at her.

"Last night." Haymitch puts in.

"It was definitely the east." I add. I look at Haymitch and we both burst out into a fit of laughter. Katniss glares at me and I try to look remorseful. "I'm sorry, but it's what I've been saying. You don't listen when people talk to you."

"Bet people told you he didn't live there today and you didn't listen again." Haymitch says.

"Shut _up_, Haymitch." She knows she was wrong. Haymitch and I start laughing again and Prim smiles brightly.

"Fine. Somebody else can arrange to get the stupid goat knocked up!" We all laugh harder, but I'm still remember what my mother said a few weeks back. Katniss looks at the Peacekeepers. The man is smiling but the woman looks annoyed.

"What's in the bag?" She asks Katniss with a glare.

"See for yourself." Katniss says, dumping the contents onto the table.

"Oh, good. We're running low on bandages." Mrs. Everdeen says. I get up and open a bag. It's filled with candy.

"ooh! Peppermints!" I say, grabbing the bag and popping a candy into my mouth.

"There mine!" Katniss swipes at the bag. I though them at Haymitch who shoves a handful into his mouth and then gives the bag to a giggling Prim. "None of you deserve candy!" She shrieks.

"What, because were right?" I wrap my arms around her. She gives off a yelp, but tries to play it off. I can tell she's hurt worse than I thought. "Okay, Prim said west. I distinctly heard west. And were all idiots. How's that?" I say resting my head on her shoulder.

"Better." She says, and I kiss her lightly. She looks to Peacekeepers. "You have a message for me?"

"From Head Peacekeeper Thread. He wanted you to know that the fence surrounding District Twelve will now have electricity twenty-four hours a day." She tells us.

"Didn't it already?" Katniss asks with fake innocence. I hide my smile by pressing my lips into her hair.

"He thought you might be interested in passing this information on to your cousin." The woman says.

"Thank you. I'll tell him. I'm sure we'll all sleep a little more soundly now that security has addressed the lapse." Katniss, your pushing it. The woman's jaw clenches and she turns walking stiffly out. The man following slowly after. When the door is locked, Katniss slumps back into me.

"What is it?" I ask her, holding onto her.

"Oh, I banged up my left foot. The heel. And my tailbone's had a bad day, too." I gently help her over to a padded rocker, and her mother slips off her boot asking what happened. "I slipped and fell." You're kidding, right? We all stare shocked. "On some ice." No one fights her though I want to, I want to know she's ok.

Her mother examines her heel and says it might be a break, but the tailbone is only badly bruised. Prim gets her pajama's and a robe, and me and Haymitch look away when she's changed. We all go to the table to eat, and Katniss sits behind her, her heel in a snow pack. Prim finishes and goes over, leaning against Katniss's leg as she sits on the floor. They suck on peppermints and Katniss asks how school went.

"All right. We learned about coal by-products." And that is coal. "Are you going to try on your wedding dresses?" Wait she has those? And did she say _dresses?_ I only got one tux! Poor Katniss.

"Not tonight. Tomorrow probably." Katniss tells her stroking her head.

"Wait until I get home, ok?" Prim asks.

"Sure." But Katniss doesn't seem convinced. Her mother hands her a cup of tea with sleep syrup in it, and Katniss looks about to pass out right then. She raps her foot and I volunteer to take her. At first Katniss just lean on me, but she's so shaky I decide to carry her instead.

I walk up stair , trying not to trip, an tuck her into bed. I say goodnight, guess she doesn't want me to stay, but as I turn she grabs my hand. I stand still turning back to her, cocking my head to the side gently.

"Don't go yet. Not until I fall asleep." She slurs. I sit on the side of her bed, clutching her hand in both of mine, trying to warm them.

"Almost thought you'd changed your mind today. When you were late for dinner." I say, not giving up much information.

"No I'd have told you." She pulls my hand over to her cheek, resting her head on the back of mine. I scoot a little closer to her, her eyes fluttering, her face becoming peaceful. "Stay with me." She breaths out.

And I reply in a gentle whisper.

"Always."

**Ok this isn't actually the end of the chapter but, I really wanted to end it here. Its just such a sweet part that Katniss doesn't know about until Mockingjay. Poor Peeta. But yeah, that is :D Oh and please review guys! It's the same people over and over again, please tell me if you like it, if I'm doing something wrong, if you think I could do something different… Please guys I would really appreciate it!**


	10. Something Normal for Once

Katniss is stuck in bed rest for the week. I come by every day, bring cheese buns, which I found were her favorite, and I started help her with an old family book. It's made of parchment and leather, apparently her mother's side had made it for healing. But her father had started adding edible plants into it. Katniss has wanted work on it, but has no artistic talent at all. So she called me in. Some of them I know, others she has specimen of, and the others she describes. I have to draw them on scraps first, until she's satisfied with them.

It's pretty fun working with the ink instead of pencils. The ink makes the pictures more…life like I guess. I add slight bits of color to ones that you can only define by their color. It's funny as she watches me. She stares like when I draw it's totally different that how I normally am. And I guess I am, really. I don't pretend when I draw, I don't lie, I can't.

One day I look up at her, and she blushes, probably think I don't see her watching. But I only say,

"You know, I think this is the first time we've ever done anything normal together."

"Yeah." She agrees. We've never been normal, and this is really nice. "Nice for a change." Took the words out of my mouth. I go back to drawing and she leans on my shoulder to watch.

Every afternoon I carry her back downstairs. She would turn on the TV, and I would have my arm wrapped around her shoulders. She always watches with such intensity and I wonder what she's looking for. I can never tell though.

The weeks go by and Katniss is horribly restless. She wants to be out and running around, and the winter snow is melting by the time she can walk on her own again.

On time, I was up and I walked over to Katniss's house like I normally did. But Her prep team jumps out.

"What do you think _you're _doing?" The man says.

"Uhh, checking in on Katniss." I say, eyes wide.

"Oh no you're not! She's trying on dresses today, and you have to wait to see those until there shown to everyone!" The blue haired woman chimes.

"That's not fair! She's my wife!" I spit at them.

"Not yet, she isn't! Sorry, Peeta, you have to go." And the door is closed and locked. I smack my fist onto the door, anger swelling slightly.

I stomp back over to my house, Portia already sitting on my couch.

"Well, I take it you found out they aren't letting you in?" She giggles.

"Yeah, thanks for the warning." I tell her with a mocking glare. She laughs harder. "Well I'm guessing you came with Cinna?" I ask her.

"Yep, he said that I couldn't come in though. I think I believes I would tell you everything. How wrong he is." She says with a laugh.

"Didn't you help him design them?" I ask. She nods.

"I helped with sketches and basic frame. But other than that, he kicked me out." She pouts. "But anyways, what have you been up to?" She asks.

We chat like this for hours, joking with each other, fighting each other. IT was fun.

"So when do you know when to leave?" I ask her seeing the dark sky. But right then, Cinna walks in with a harsh expression.

"Enchantress! What did I tell you? Never talk to this mongrel again!" He spits.

"Enchantress?" I ask her.

"My real name. Enchantress Portia. I know it's strange, but that's why I go by Portia. And I know Cinna." She says faking sadness. "But he dragged me in here when he saw me. I couldn't escape! But I told him nothing!" But then she smiles running over to him, and hopping up. Cinna laughs too.

"Sorry Peeta, I never meant that." He tells me. He takes Portia's hands and spins her so she's clutching his back like a monkey. She laughs with her head on his shoulder. He holds her knees so she doesn't slip down. They wave good-bye and walk out, bickering about something strange.

"Oh Portia." I mumble with a smile. I sit back down onto the couch leaning my head back.

Katniss and Gale were holding hands, running into the meadow laughing and smiling. It was like my painting. Katniss got her bow and a little girl that looked sort of like Prim ran up behind her, holding a knife in her hand. Gale entered from the other side a small boy with the same dark skin they both had. The kids ran around smiling and laughing, play fighting with some knives. Katniss and Gale practiced shooting, giggling and chuckling at stupid things. I stood outside the fence, something covering my mouth so I couldn't scream. Gale seemed to see me because he gave a horrible smile, and pulled Katniss into a tight hug. I tried to scream again, my eyes filled with tears. I clutched the fence in my fists, shaking it trying to get Katniss to look at me. I want to yell at her, to tell her she's making a huge mistake, but she doesn't hear me. Of course she doesn't. I finally bolt awake when Gale presses his lips to hers.

I open my eyes and see the reason I couldn't scream was because I was suffocating myself on the couch cushion. I roll over panting for air, and never getting enough. What the hell, Katniss? Why do you have this much damn control on me?

**So yeah its done! Not done, done just the chapter. Everyone thinks when I say 'done' they think I mean the story. Sorry Guys! So I've been listening to the song 'I'm Not the One' and I'm in love with it! It fits mockingjay more than anything, but I love it so much right now :DDDD and yes Peeta gets thrown out of Katniss house by Flavious and Octavia… Poor guy XD**


	11. Once more

I ran into the bakery at 6 not able to sleep any longer. I bake bread, frost some new cakes, and silently hide tears. That dream gave me a head ache. And more heart ache. I open up an hour earlier than we normally would, and give some of the miners that are heading down some fresh bread. They take it easily; happy to get the free bread, which is the thick hardy stuff most miners enjoy.

My father comes down when the oven goes off, and he's surprised to see me up so early. He doesn't ask he just starts working like he normally would. Removing pieces of displays, putting up signs saying every thing's half off. He runs back upstairs, and a few people come in. They come over to me, each person holding a small loaf of bread.

"Go and take a large loaf, all of you. Take two or three. I'll cover it; I have way too much money." I hand all of them 4 more coins. I put the money in the register, my own money that I use to pay for peoples food, and each person runs back grabbing 3 large loaves. My father comes back, Ella following him, and she starts cleaning.

A few people come in, but not many. More than have been I think, but I don't really know. I haven't been here in forever. Ella watches me frost a few cakes, and a few people come in asking for jobs, and Father has to say no, but I make sure to slip each of them a few coins before they leave.

My father lets me leave, but I just wander around town, and when I do go home I paint. I finish a painting of Prim collecting primroses in a few hours. When I stand wiping the paint that was on my hands onto my pants I hear the TV click on. I run down the steps, unsure of what could be playing.

When I'm down there Caesar is talking to Cinna about the Wedding Dress Vote. Apparently Cinna made 24 dresses at first, and the it had been narrowed down by the Capitol's votes. Pictures of Katniss in the final 6 flashed across the screen. One pure white with blue jewelry, another was a gentle ivory. I stared at her in aw, not wanting to look away.

There was one that the sleeves were long and it was covered in beading and pearls. I wished I could vote, just to choose that one. Cinna out did himself again, and I have to give him props. I don't really pay attention, but when I hear the anthem I look up confused. President Snow begins to speak about the Dark Days, how the Hunger Games became what they are today. He speaks about how that every 25 years they would have a Quarter Quell. It's just a sicker Game really, were they add a twist that can be beneficiary to some and others a complete destroyer. But they were still the Games and they were filled with gore and death.

"On the twenty-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that their children were dying because of their choices to initiate violence, every district was made to hold an election and vote on the tributes who would represent it." How would you feel, if your _district_ voted you into the Games? You would wonder what was wrong with you, what you did wrong, why they hated you enough. "On the fiftieth anniversary as a reminder that two rebels died for each Capitol citizen, every district was required to send twice as many tributes." That was the year Haymitch won. He had to kill twice as many people. The odds were deadly, and hope thin, and the death was even more catastrophic. Not surprising that Haymitch is an old drunk.

"And now we honor our third Quarter Quell." The President says. A small boy holding a little box runs over a removes the lid. Centuries of Hunger Games have been planned out, by all the little envelopes that have been yellowed with time. Snow removes an envelope with a 75 printed clearly on it. He runs his finger under the flap and pulls out a small crisp square. "On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors."

I hear a scream, and it take me a minute to realize it was me. Why? Why are they doing this? I get up, before I really understand it all, and start running. Where I don't really know, but I do end up bursting into Haymitch's house. He isn't even sitting in front of the TV, but he must have heard it from the way his looks at me with a sad face. I run at him, but fall to my knees and slide forward.

"Haymitch!" I yelp clasping my hands on his shirt pulling his head closer to mine as tears stream down them. "There making Katniss go back to the Games!"

**This was a part I really wanted to write in Peeta's POV. Really, after this happens he becomes very cold, but that's not like him, so I thought he would have had a break down first. This was hard on me Peeta! I was crying all through Mockingjay BECAUSE HE WASN'T THERE! Mockingjay will be traumatizing for me but I will love it!**

**OH and I'm traveling all day tomarrow, but I'll try to work on chapter 12 as much as I can. I shouldn't be that hard, I think I have a 3 hours delay in between flights. :'( I hate flying. **


	12. Regrets

**Ok only because I know some people don't read the little things at the bottom. I really would like to know**

**A: Do you guys think I should get a Beta to help with these stories?**

**B: If yes, anyone willing to help me find/be one? Thanks guys! **

Haymitch stare at me, surprised by the outburst. "What did you expect, Boy? Really, she caused a rebellion worse than what they've seen in 75 years! Did you think she could get away with it?" He asks me.

"I don't know what I thought, Haymitch! But, you, you have to let me back in that arena. I need to protect her! She needs to live! I should have died when I ate those berries, but the damn Capitol had to step in and save me! She _needs _to win!" I plead with him.

"Peeta, if you get reaped, I'm taking your place. District 12 needs a good mentor that isn't drunk off their ass all the time. But if I get pulled, then you can volunteer." He tells me. I grab his shirt again yanking his head down.

"Listen to me you drunk ass! If you volunteer to go in that damn arena I will kill you! Before you go, I will make sure of it!" I spit at him. His eyes are wide.

"You really mean it, don't you? You're going to kill yourself again so that girl can win? Last time I picked her you were complaining about how I hadn't picked you!" He growls, he beer breath tainting the air.

"Haymitch, when I complained, I had just learned I lost a f-cking limb. Do you really think I would have reacted much different?" I snarled at him.

"Fine, Boy. Go ahead, get killed. That girl will to, you know. You're close to the youngest they got, and some of those people used their money _more_ training equipment. So go ahead." I get up, and limp to the door.

"You know, you owe me." I tell him at the door.

"For what?" He spits.

"You chose her last time, and I almost died from blood poisoning. You owe me, anything I fricken want. And I want to go back into that damn arena, and protect Katniss till I've been blown to f-cking bits." And I walk out. I limp back to my house and Portia there. He has a doctor with her. Her eyes have tears in them and she run into my arms.

"What's wrong Portia?" I ask her gently.

"Don't even try that crap." She sniffles into my jacket.

"Sorry. What'd you come for?" I ask.

"That leg of yours won't do any good, you can' sleep with it on, and it's not water proof. Dr. Cluis, he was the one that made the one you're wearing now, has made a permanent one for you to wear." She tells me. I look at him and he's writing something down, or maybe sketching.

"Yes, as she said. I came here to see if I could do the surgery here, but it seems that you'll have to come back with us." I give him a confused look. "Some Victor's homes have medical units in them." I nod. We walk out and climb up a ladder to get to the Hovercraft. Its dark out and I couldn't even hear the thing, they probably don't want to scare anyone.

"So what's the design." I say without any pleasure.

"We're going to connect some tendons to artificial ones, hook some new joints together. That sort of thing. It will be more like having your leg again. But you still won't be able to feel it." He tells me but I can say I'm not mad about not being able to feel my leg.

"Can I take it off now?" I ask him and he nods. I slip it off and point out a few damages I made.

"It's fine. Not many people loss there leg, you know. We have extra ones around." He waves off. They have extra legs lying around? WTF?

It takes less than an hour to get to the Capitol, and when we get there, they throw me into a sterile white room. They make me change, still not with a leg for some reason, and then they make me eat and drink this weird stuff. It taste good, but I become tired and I feel paralyzed as I fall asleep.

I don't dream, I don't really know if I was technically sleeping, but when I wake, here in a hovercraft on our way home. Portia smile at me, her eyes red and puffy from her outburst earlier.

"So I'm guessing I lived?" I ask her sitting up. She laughs nodding. I swing my legs over the edge, not in any pain at all. I press weight onto it and it feels the same as the old one. I walk around a little, stumbling on the ankle a few times, because the joint is more intricate than the old one. I get over it quickly and go back over to sit next to her.

A small black haired women runs over to us, just as the sun starts to peak over the hills. She makes stiff movements with her hands at Portia, and Portia nods at them. I tilt my head as I watch her.

"Oh, Peeta, would you like anything to eat or drink?" Portia asks me when I watch her.

"Um, hot chocolate and rolls?" I ask her. The woman nods and runs into the back room. "What was that about?" I ask Portia.

"She's an Avox, but she talks through sign language. It's an older form of talking that normally the deaf or mute would use. But luckily some Avox found out about it and learned to use it. I learned about it a few years back, after I met Cinna's mother who was deaf." Portia tells me quietly. I nod as the woman walks back in. She hands Portia some pills and some water, and sets the hot chocolate and roles onto the table in front of me. She leaves us alone, and Portia starts talking.

"Does Katniss drink often?" Portia asks me. I shake my head. "Last night I saw her with Gale and she dropped a bottle of liquor. I wasn't sure if it was normal, but she was stumbling around and needed help walking."

"I'll talk to Ripper, make sure she stops selling them the stuff." I grunt ripping the role and dunking it into the sweet drink.

"Hey, can you tell Effie to send me the Game's of all the living victors? I want Katniss, and I'm curios myself, to know what were up against." Portia just nods at me. We don't talk the rest of the time, we just wait till the craft stops in the meadow. I slide down the ladder waving good-bye to Portia, and it disappears.

I starts walking back into town, and I luckily run into Ripper. I pull her into the bakery, and talk quietly.

"You aren't to sell Haymitch _or_ Katniss anymore liquor, got it?" I hiss. She looks up at me confused.

"Why, trying to pry that man off of it? Won't work, he'll just pay more." She tells me. I reach into my pocket and pull out every coin in there. She stares as I slip them into her pocket.

"And if you sell to either of them, I'll report you to Thread, got it?" She nods. "Take something from here, I'll pay my father back later." I tell her and she runs over grabbing 5 large loaves of bread, and leaves quickly. I start heading to Victor's Village, and remember how much liquor Haymitch has. Katniss doesn't have much, and I'll hide any I have in my house so I can still use it for baking.

I walk into Haymitch's house without even knocking. I start picking up bottles, full or not, and piling them into a box. Haymitch is passed out on the table, and I pry the bottle out of his hands carefully. He grumbles, but doesn't wake, as I clean out the rest of the downstairs. I find more in cabinets, in the fridge, under the couch, on the stairs. The box fills slowly, and by the time I'm upstairs I'm happy there aren't many more there. Once I have gathered all I could find, I go into the bathroom. One by one I pour the liquor down the drain. I can hear someone downstairs but I don't even think about going down until it's all down the drain. I put all the bottles back into the box, wanting to prove the Haymitch, and whoever else is here, that I mean what I'm doing.

I tromp down the stairs and see it's Katniss that had come in. Great I won't have to repeat myself. I place the full box on the table in front of them. They stare at it.

"There it's done." I tell them. Haymitch seems stunned, and Katniss finally speaks up.

"What's done?"

"I've poured all the liquor own the drain." I tell them. Haymitch starts clawing through the box, looking for one bottle that has something still in it.

"You what?" He snarls at me.

"I tossed the lot." I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"He'll just buy more." Katniss says with a shrug.

"No, he won't. I tracked down Ripper this morning and told her I'd turn her in the second she sold to either of you. I paid her off, too, just for good measure, but I don't think she's eager to be back in the Peacekeepers' custody." I tell her. Haymitch tries to hit me with his knife, but I just step to the side a little and he instantly misses.

"What business is it of yours what he does?" It's Katniss's turns to snarl at me. Her eyes bore into mine, but I just answer her, already cold from my shut down.

"It's completely my business. However it falls out, two of us are going to be in the arena again with the other as a mentor. We can't afford and drunkards on this team. Especially not you, Katniss." I say remember how she that she will be forced into the arena. Her eyes show hurt as I bring that up, but I just remind myself that I need to be harsh on her.

"What?" She stutters a little, not helping her cause. "Last night's the only time I've ever been drunk!"

"Yeah and look at the shape your in." I say stiffly. She seems so hurt, I want to wrap my arms around her telling her I'm sorry, and we'll all be fine. But I know I'll never live it down if I baby her. She isn't Pepper, she doesn't _need _to be protected. I just want to _so _much.

"Don't worry I'll get you more liquor." She tells Haymitch.

"Then I'll turn you both in. Let you sober up in the stocks." I growl at her.

"What's the point to this?" Haymitch asks.

"The point is that two of us are coming home from the Capitol. One mentor and one victor. Effie's sending me recordings of all the living victors. We're going to watch their Games and learn everything we can about how they fight. We're going to put on weight and get strong. We're going to start acting like Careers." I start yelling now anger rising quickly. "And one of us is going to be a victor again whether you two like it or not!" And with that I turn, slamming the door as I walk out.

When I reach my house, I start to regret it all. I pinch the bridge of my nose, sliding down as I lean against the door. As I sit there, leaning on that door trying to straighten something in my hard cold mind, something clicks.

What I just did, could save her. She would try to make it so I would be the mentor, so that she could die, knowing I was alive. But if I can't do that for her, she sure as hell can't get that from me.

And I get my wish after a few days of arguing. We start training and every night we watch at least one recap of the Games. When we do watch the Games, I take notes about there fighting styles, and Haymitch offers us other information. Like to say there now elderly, or that there personality is deadly.

Training is more strenuous, up early every morning, stretching out our muscles, later switching to combat moves. Throwing knives hand-to-hand, Katniss is even willing to teach us to climb up a tree. I promise myself I will never do that again. It took all I got to get up there, and then getting down…it all was not a good day. Though were now considered Career's this is nothing like their training. We aren't training to be killing machines. We're training so I can get Katniss out alive.

But poor Haymitch, it's good he won't be in the arena again. After years of drinking, and locking himself in his house, he can't run far, let alone fast. He's strong though, which is a given, but when he gets his knife, he can't even hit the side of my house. Yes we used my house, which no makes no sense since Haymitch's house is in worse shape. It takes him so much practice to get that slight amount of aim, but his hands still tremble from all the years of liquor.

Me and Katniss are in great shape with the new diet and routine. Her mother gives us a special diet to help us gain, and Prim relaxes out muscles. Madge gives us her father's Capitol newspaper, which has polls of who will be 'The Victor of all Victor's.' And even Gale has stepped in on Sundays to help us with snares. He hates me, you can see it when I mess up, but we both drop the hatred enough to be in the same area as the other. I never argue though, never finding reason, know Katniss would just be upset.

Soon enough the reaping's are here. It's a hot day that makes everyone slow and down. Katniss is in a little roped of section and me and Haymitch are in a similar one. Effie has to scrape around the bowl a few times until she catches Katniss's name. And then when she pulls out Haymitch's name is pulled, she's barely finished saying his name when I volunteer.

But this time, we don't even have time for farewell. Thread says its new procedure, but I just call it a new way to make Hell worse. Katniss stares out the window of the train, hand pressed longingly on the window.

But I can't say I'm not unhappy about her not being able to say good-bye to Gale, but fully regretting when he would have to say good-bye to her.

**So, yeah! :D that's it. Ok I really liked this, only because Peeta doesn't argue a lot, and he got to argue a TON in this chapter! LOVED IT! I love writing about arguments, idk why. And I can't wait till I get to write about Finnick, he is sooo epic! My mom got me a shirt that says 'Team Finnick' on it! First day back to school! Lol thanks guys, bye!**


	13. 50th Hunger Games Victor

**Review people! I want at LEAST 3 people to review before I put up chapter 14. Thanks :P**

"We'll write letters, Katniss. It will be better anyway. Give them a piece of us to hold on to. Haymitch will deliver them for us if…they need to be delivered." I know Katniss won't write those letters. I can tell by how she just nods and runs to her room. But it's more for me. I won't come home if Katniss is dead. Unless it's in a wooden box.

I go back to my room, already knowing what I'll write. To Mother on how she was right, Katniss would be the death of me. To Father, I hope he can keep the bakery open without my help. To Ella, take care of him. To Baggett, treat Aloe right. To Aloe, whip him senseless if he doesn't. To Nickel, get over himself.

And then I have an idea. I pull out one more sheet of blank paper and in a carefully write one sentence, unlike the other letters.

_Gale,_

_Take care of her for me._

_~Peeta_

He would without me telling him to, but I just want to be sure. I have them in a pile on the side of the desk in my room, and I pinch the bridge of my nose. Why is this how we end? Why can't it be when were on good terms, and we know we won't be dead in a few weeks.

I go and lay on the bed, suddenly tired. I just rest there, not knowing what to do. And when Haymitch comes to tell me to go to dinner, and I eagerly make my way down to, happy to have something to do.

Katniss comes a few minutes later, but everything is down. Me and Effie try, and when I say try, I mean we talk to each other, but even we stop eventually. The meal even seems down, cold soups, dry meat. By the time desserts out we've almost lost it.

"I love your new hair, Effie." I say, trying something.

"Thank you. I had it especially done to match Katniss's pin. I was thinking we might get you a gold ankle band and maybe find Haymitch a gold bracelet or something so we could all look like a team." Effie says. I have a better idea, but I won't say anything until I see Portia.

"I think that's a great idea. How about it, Haymitch?" I say.

"Yeah, whatever." He grumbles. He hates me for taking away his liquor. But when he isn't forced to just be sitting there, then he's perfectly fine.

"Maybe we could get you a wig, too." Katniss says trying to smile at him. But he just glares at her, and we are all silent for the last of the meal.

"Shall we watch the recap of the reapings?" Effie asks. I head off to get my notebook and once I'm back everyone is in front of the TV, faces grave.

As their names are called I put stars by their names. Haymitch doesn't say anything, but Effie makes quiet comments about the victors/tributes.

Only a few stick in my head. The siblings from 1, the scary Brutus from 2. Finnick Odair, from 4, who won at only 14, leaves an impression, but not because of his looks. When the girl tribute, Annie I think they called her, his eyes flash with so much fear I can tell he loves her. I wonder if that's what I did when Katniss was called. Johanna Mason, who was like Katniss, forced into the games being the only female victor of 7. Cecelia, a woman from 8 who has to escape from 3 kids before she can mount the stage. And I feel horrible when I mark the star next to Chaff's name, Haymitch's longtime friend.

Then our district appears. The commentary drives me insane. How 'we'll never have the odds in our favor', or 'how no matter what, love will prevail.' Haymitch leaves, Effie follows, and Katniss just sits there. Her eyes are so pleading wishing, but I don't know for what. I rip out pages of the victors we won't need to worry about.

"Why don't you get some sleep?" I tell her. She just stares at me with those pleading eyes.

"What are you going to do?" She asks me.

"Just review my notes awhile. Get a clear picture of what we're up against. But I'll go over it with you in the morning. Go to bed, Katniss." I tell her as gently as I can. But I really just need her to get out. Those eyes are going to make me give in. Make me lie to her, telling her we can all live. Once her door is closed, I go to mine and collapse on the bed. I do sleep, awoken by Katniss's screaming. I get up and try to go to her room, but the door is locked. I shouldn't, I know that, so this is helpful.

The screaming stops soon enough, but I don't sleep again. I draw on a sheet of paper, making sure it's not a human I'm drawing. I draw that cat, Buttercup I think, that Prim holds so dear. But I finish it in minutes, and I'm up again braking through the door. The lock is broken by the time I'm in the hall again. I walk straight into the TV, pulling out the tapes, and slipping in the last one we'd watched. Johanna appeared so I lean back and rewatch it. But then I switch to Finnick, Chaff, and finally Brutus. That's when Katniss walks in.

"Couldn't sleep?" I ask her, pausing the Game.

"Not for long." She says, looking down.

"Want to talk about it?" She shakes her head. Her thin frame is shaking, and I can't do it. I open my arms and she almost runs into them. Her arms wrap around my neck, and I feel horrible. I feel like I've been too strict, too hard. But I know she is ready, as ready as I could make her. I bury my face into her hair, pressing my lips to her temple and neck.

A Capitol attendant comes in, carrying a tray with warm milk and two glasses set on it. He talks to Katniss-something about honey and an extra cup- and then leaves. Katniss pulls off me a little, still on my lap slightly, and watches as he backs out.

"What's with him?" She asks.

"I think he feels bad for us." I say.

"Right." She says, and I swear she's rolling her eyes.

"I mean it. I don't think the people in the Capitol are going to be all that happy about our going back in. Or the other victors. They get attached to their champions." _And I can't say I'm that impressed either._

"I'm guessing they'll get over it once the blood starts flowing." Katniss growls handing me a cup of the milk. "So you're watching all the tapes again?"

"Not really. Just sort of skipping around to see people's different fighting techniques." Ok that's a lie, I just didn't know what to do.

"Who's next?" She asks.

"You pick." I hold out the box to her. She runs her hands over the numbered tapes digging through them carefully. But then she pulls out the one marked with a 50.

"We never watched this one." She says.

"No. I knew Haymitch didn't want to. The same way we didn't want to relive our own Games. And since we're all on the same team, I didn't think it mattered much." And, maybe, I didn't want to watch Haymitch in the Games, and learn why he's always so drunk.

"Is the person who won in 25 in here?" She asks.

"I don't think so. Whoever it was must be dead by now, and Effie only sent me victors we might have to face. Why? You think we ought to watch it?" I ask her.

"IT's the only Quell we have. We might pick up something valuable about how they work." She says. But I can tell she's overly curious on how he won the games. "We don't have to tell Haymitch we saw it."

"Okay." I say, slipping the tape in. She clutches my shirt in one hand and her cup in the other. She's almost in my lap, and I have my arms wrapped around her. I don't pay attention to the other districts. But when it comes to District 12, I lean forward, not wanting to miss one second. A woman, who reminds me of Effie, starts with 'ladies first!' First she calls a small girl, who is almost an exact copy of Katniss, is called. She must be from the Seam, that same dark skin and hair, but the next girl is a merchant.

"Maysilee Donner!" The Non-Effie calls out. It shows a group of blonds clutching each other for dear life.

"Oh! She was my mother's friend." Katniss says.

"I think that's your mother hugging her." I tell her gently. Maysilee bravely walks to the stage, it shows Katniss's mother holding the hand of Maysilee's twin.

"Madge." Katniss whispers.

"That's her mother. She and Maysilee were twins or something." She gives me a strange look. "My dad mentioned it once." Of course I leave out that it was when Madge and I were dating. I have a vague memory of passing through their house and I saw the little pin that is now Katniss's. I think I might have asked her what it was, and she just said 'it was my Aunt's' and keep walking. I now see why it had so much value when Katniss got it.

Haymitch is called after a scrawny boy with dark hair and striking green eyes. It's almost like if the Haymitch we had, had a kid with a super model. His grey eyes are clear and hateful, his dark hair covers more of his forehead, and his skin is clear of stubble or scars.

"Oh. Peeta, don't think he killed Maysilee, do you?" She says looking up at me frightened.

"With 48 players? I'd say the odds are against it." But I can't say the odds are really with District 12's victors.

Everything goes by fast, only slowing at Haymitch in the chariot-Miner outfits, again- and then at his interview. He acts like Katniss would have if we didn't force her to change. I smile a little, but I make sure Katniss doesn't see it.

But then there in the arena, which is breath taking. The tributes stand in the middle of a huge, lush field filled with flowers. One side has woods on it, the other touching the blue skies-filled with birds and soft clouds-snowcapped mountains. When the gong sounds, Haymitch runs off to the Cornucopia, unlike most of the others. They stand awestruck, while Haymitch runs to the woods. As he's running the blood bath starts, the tributes getting out of their states, some being killed in them. 18 die in the blood bath, but more die from eating anything in the arena that wasn't in the Cornucopia.

The fruits, some of the flowers _scents, _the clear water are all poisoned. Rain water isn't though, and I rains about once every couple days. But it rains for a while, giving tributes awhile to gather water.

Haymitch is lucky to have gone to the woods, for a huge 10 person pack of Careers stalks the mountains. But Haymitch isn't safe in those woods, oh far from. The creatures that resemble squirrels are carnivorous and attack in huge groups. Butterflies sting you with enough power to knock you down, and some kill you. But he doesn't get out of the woods, never turns to the mountains, just keeps going in a straight line.

And Maysilee Donner, a merchant's kid, is a very good tribute. She gets a small bag, but in it is a blowgun with 24 darts. Now she is smart, she takes the poisonous things around her, and dips the darts in them, ready to hit her fellow tributes.

But 4 day's in, the mountains, turn out to be volcanoes, killing about 12 more tributes, 5 of them from the Career pack. Everyone runs into the woods, all 13 of them, and Haymitch doesn't change his direction. Just keeps walking.

He eventually runs into trouble, turning himself around and running in to the 3 huge male tributes. His only defense is a knife he pulls from his belt. These Careers are all about an inch or taller than Haymitch, and have much more muscle. But Haymitch kills 2 before the largest of them gets him on the ground, taking Haymitch's own knife to kill him. But a dart hits him before he can slit his throat. Haymitch stands up staring at little Maysilee Donner.

"We'd live longer with two of us." She tells him. He rubs his neck.

"Guess you just proved that. Allies?" Maysilee just nods he small head.

I can see Katniss in everything they do, and I wonder if I would have been the same if I was well. They take turns resting, and as they were on I can see something that few people probably saw. Haymitch's eye's grew sadder as he watched her sleep, they grew warmer when she smiled. He was caring for her and he knew that it wouldn't end well.

As the move, Maysilee starts asking why.

"Because it has to end somewhere, right? The arena can't go on forever." He tells her.

"What do you expect to find?" She asks him.

"I don't know." He tells her. "But maybe there's something we can use." But when they do come to the end, it's only a ledge of rock, dirt, and a sheer cliff. On the bottom, jagged, dangerous rocks.

"That's all there is, Haymitch. Let's go back." Maysilee pleads.

"No, I'm staying here." He tells her looking over the ledge.

"All right. There's only five of us left. May as well say good-bye now, anyways." She adds reluctantly. "I don't want it to come down to you and me."

"Okay." Is all he says, but he doesn't look at her as she runs off. I can tell by the way he kicks at the rocks, he wants her safe, because I did the same things with the Careers. He plops down onto the ground, and the rock that he kicked off, flies up landing next to him. He cocks his head, but them I see a face I've seen Katniss have many times. He takes another rock and chucks it over the edge. It flies back, right into his hand. He burst into a fit of laughter, smiling the whole time.

But them a scream so young and scared pierces the air. Haymitch could have ignored her, but like I knew he would, he dart off in the direction of her screaming. But he's too late, only to see the remaining pink birds, pull there long beaks from her throat and flies off. He falls to his knees in front of her, holding back tears, and has her head in his lap, holding her hands as she dies.

I press my lips to Katniss's temple as it happens.

But soon, by the afternoon, it's only Haymitch against a huge girl from district 1. Their fight is gruesome and gory and everything the Capitol loves. She finally gets his knife away from him, and he stumbles back, holding in his intestines, turns and runs as fast as he can to the cliff. She throws her ax at him but her collapses, and it flies over the edge. The girl now thinks that she just needs to stop the bleeding from her empty eye socket, and outlast Haymitch to win. Haymitch starts having a seizure or something on the ground, and she looks a little smug.

And then the ax shoots back up, embedding it's self into her skull. The canon fires, and Haymitch is the winner if the 50th Hunger Games.

I click off the tape. We sit there stunned. "That force field at the bottom of the cliff, it was like the one on the roof of the Training Center. The one that throws you back if you try you jump off and commit suicide. Haymitch found a way to turn it into a weapon." I say finally.

"Not just against the other tribute, but the Capitol, too. You know they didn't expect that to happen. It wasn't meant to be part of the arena. They never planned on anyone using it as a weapon. It made them look stupid that he figured it out. I bet they had a good time trying to spin that one. Bet that's why I don't remember seeing it on television, It's almost as bad as us and the berries!" Katniss giggles. And then it's a total fit of laughter. I shake my head, and I can tell it's all getting to her.

"Almost, but not quite." Haymitch's voice startles us and Katniss whips around, frightened. He takes another swig from his wine bottle, and smirks at us. I just stare at the man who watched his friend die.

Maybe more than a friend, or a wish that she was more. And I realize that if I was Haymitch, I would want a lot more than just spirit to wipe away the pain.

I might just want to completely stop feeling, after having to watch Katniss die. And knowing there was nothing I could have done to save her.

**Ok so yeah, I started rereading Mockingjay (in the middle of writing Catching Fire…not my best plan :P) And I semi really want to write about Haymitch's Game, or atleast this part with Maysilee…I don't care if he had a GF or something, their my Favorite Couple… Actually that's a tie between Finnick and Annie…. Oh well. What you guy's fave couple? REVIEW! :D **

**Oh and I'm back in school and I write faster when I'm in school… Idk why… :P**


	14. Victors in Embers

**Um, ok because I know people don't read the thingy's on the bottom in bold. SO ok over! Not the book, the chapter… So yes, and I'm sorry if I messed up anything with the victors or Darius, I don't really know what any of them look or act like. (I do not mean in this chapter only…) Oh and Who's you guy's fave character and fave couple? Thanks! Bye :D**

Tentic, Gem, and Kem are total wrecks when I come in. But as the day wears on, they slightly start to cry themselves out. They say they hate seeing me now, because it is one of the last times they'll ever see me again.

"Well," Little Kem says sniffling. "Unless Katniss dies…" but she, and the other's, know I won't be back if she's dead. Tentic shushes her with a glare, but I just laugh, telling them not to worry. Gem never speaks, which is strange, since she was always the most talkative one. Before they all leave to get Portia, I hug them all, Tentic finally having to shove Gem and Kem out. I collapse in a chair, pinching the bridge of my nose, running my hand through my hair.

Portia runs into my arms, tears already in her eyes. I wipe them away as they come, telling her how my new leg is amazing, how it's so much better than the last. And then add as a joke, it she is compared to the first leg, and Cinna is the second newer, better leg.

"Oh shut up." She sniffles with a smile. "Let's eat." We go to the sitting room, eating small vegetables and birds. We eat chocolate for a dessert, but once were finished, you can only tell how sad Portia is from her puffy eyes.

"So Peeta, you'll be happy to know, we aren't completely burning you." And that's all I get until I'm pushed into the prep room. My team doesn't come back in, Portia having told them to 'stay the hell away from me,' when she saw them last. She doesn't do much with my face-no makeup! Woohoo! - but I'm fit into a black unitard again, and I'm wears the crown that Katniss and I wore when we won. But instead of a gold medal, it's pure black iron. Then Portia, to ruin my buzz, puts a little makeup on me, giving shadows and making me look…dark.

"Now," She says as she does the makeup. "You must act like a jerk to the Capitol. Don't smile, don't wave, just look forward and hold onto Katniss."

"Ok, so what does this suit do?" I ask her, knowing it's not just a black unitard. She clicks something on my wrist, and I turn to coal. But better, really, it's the coal embers. I look scary in my embers, and I stare at the mirror. She flicks it off and we start heading down.

"Oh were a little late. Dang." She mutters.

"Oh and Portia, for my token get me a picture of Katniss's mother, Prim, and Gale, and put them in a locket with her Mockingjay engraved in it. Ok?" I ask her.

"Yep, ok here I'm going to find Cinna, go get Katniss. Remember, you're better than everyone." She smirks and runs off.

I turn and see Finnick Odair leaning over Katniss is a strange way, but when he sees me throws a sugar cube into his mouth and runs.

"What did Finnick Odair want?" I ask Katniss. I try not to stare at Katniss, her dark and deadly shape that makes her utterly sexy.

She leans close to me, eyes trying to smolder, voice trying to be seductive. "He offered me sugar and wanted to know all my secrets."

"Ugh. Not really." I laugh at, I think, her interpretation of Finnick.

"Really, I'll tell you more when my skin stops crawling." She giggles a little.

"Do you think we'd have ended up like this if only one of us had won? Just another part of the freak show?" I ask her.

"Sure. Especially you." She says. I look down skeptically.

"Oh? And _why_ especially me?" I ask with a wry smile.

"Because you have a weakness for beautiful things and I don't." She sounds like an overly cocky Haymitch. "They would lure you into their Capitol ways and you'd be lost entirely." She says with a smile.

"Having an eye for beauty isn't the same thing as a weakness." I remind her, and then I soften my gaze slightly. "Except possibly when it comes to you." I extend my hand to her. "Shall we?"

She takes it, climbs up, and then pulls me up with her. She makes me sit still as she fixes my crown. "Have you seen your suit turned on? We're going to be fabulous again." She says with a smile.

"Absolutely." Well, she'll be if anything. But I shouldn't be the judge, she's always lovely to me. "But Portia says we're to be very above it all. No waving or anything. Where are they anyway?" I ask seeing that Portia isn't running back with Cinna in tow.

"I don't know. Maybe we better go ahead and switch ourselves on." She presses hers and then clicks on mine. I can hear the murmur of people as the see us, and I can tell we already won best costume. Actually, Finnick might win that with his net…

"Are we supposed to hold hands this year?" She asks and I want to say yes. But I know that Katniss needs to choose.

"I guess they've left it up to us." I say, staring down into her deep eyes. It looks like the cobble stone when it has a thin layer of clean ice over them. When it still has some of the grey water swirling under it. She takes my hand and I clench it tightly in my own. We enter the dark twilight of the circle, and people scream at us. But I just scoot a fraction closer to Katniss and just concentrate on her touch. I fix my eyes forward, but I feel every little bump the affects her, every little sound that makes her fidget.

I know everyone is staring, victors, tributes, citizens, and every camera is aimed at us. But I don't look anywhere but forward, and at the President, who is as creepy as normal, when her introduces us all.

Portia and Cinna appear in the Training Center, smiling and laughing. They are proud of the performance, and we see Haymitch with Chaff. They walk over, the other tribute following. I think her names Seeder, and I almost laugh. I've been studying all these tributes and I don't remember some of their names.

Seeder and Katniss give a touching embrace, and then Chaff ruins it by wrapping is good arm-his arm was destroyed in the Games, only below the elbow but he was able to decline unlike me with my leg- and planting a fat kiss right on Katniss dark lips. She pulls back, running into me, and I take her hand, going with the Capitol attendant that is pulling at me.

Johanna Mason follows too, but by the time we reach the elevators, she's removed half of her outfit. Johanna and her start talking about clothes but I can hear Katniss start lying. And then the remainders of her clothes are on the floor. I look away, with a blush, but I see she isn't embarrassed so it calms me.

But Katniss is so overly freaked out, I almost burst out. But I stay collected as I can while I talk to Johanna about my paintings. She steps out, and then Chaff and Seeder do as well when we get to eleventh floor. She throws away my hand and I hunch over laughing.

"What?" She asks as we step on our floor and I've calmed my laughing.

"It's you Katniss. Can't you see?"

"What's me?" She asks and I chuckle again.

"Why they're all acting like this. Finnick with his sugar cubes and Chaff kissing you and that whole thing with Johanna stripping down." I clear my face trying to be mature. But I can't do it. "They're playing with you because you're so…you know." I can't finish, and I want to see if she gets it.

"No, I don't know." This makes the chuckling start again.

"It's like when you wouldn't look at me naked in the arena even though I was half dead. Your so…pure." _The opposite of me. _No I'm not a sex crazed teen or something. But I can't say I haven't kissed other girls, seen them stark at night, or just laughed at the most perverted things. Katniss though…I doubt she's done any of those on her own free will.

"I am not! I've been practically ripping your clothes off every time there's been a camera for the last year!" She spits with a scowl. I stop laughing and start hiding my smile.

"Yeah, but…I mean, for the Capitol, you're pure. For me," I say trying to calm her. "You're perfect. They're just teasing you."

"No, they're laughing at me and so are you!" She says loudly.

"No," I shake my head, my smile almost gone.

Haymitch comes up his face made of ice, and Effie is bubbly. She says something about a matched set but I'm looking at the Avoxes behind her. The girl I covered for Katniss, stands awkwardly next to a red-headed man. He's Avox, and I'm guessing new, by the way he swallows harshly.

His face is stiff, but his eyes are so sad. I know him, but I can't place it. He's not from the Capitol, I don't think, and the way he avoids looking at Katniss slightly gives me a hint I know him through her. I start thinking back to the red-headed men I know.

And then I know exactly who he is. I know his red hair, and his green eyes that could almost pass as blue. I know that hunched stance, and I just imagine him covered in coal dust and in a Peacekeepers uniform.

It's the Peacekeeper that was knocked unconscious protecting Gale from Thread.


	15. Lost Innocence

**Ok so next chapter will have a Beta! Yay! Thanks Lost Grey Soul! Awesome person right there, i swear :P But anyways, yeah i'm sorry this took so's long, i dont really know why it did XP but its up now so dont be sad! I couldn't get on at ALL yesterday even after starting and restarting my Labtop, did this happen to anyone else? Hope not, but anyways i hope you guys enjoy Chapter 15!**

Everything's a blur, really, after that. Katniss running to her room, me going to mine shortly after. I take a shower, erasing all the makeup from my face. Then I just head to dinner, not waiting for anyone to find me. Katniss comes to dinner a little bit after me, but doesn't talk. I chatter with the adults, but I watch Katniss closely. She is distant, and at one point knocks a bowl of something onto the floor, and she and Darius bend over to clean it.

I remember Effie complaining about how Katniss shouldn't be doing that, and I want to slap her. Katniss can do what she wants. Effie can't control that. When we move into the other room, I feel horrid. Katniss sits in between Haymitch and Cinna, avoiding me. Portia sits with me on the love seat, leaning on me.

I start to wonder what we look like to the outside world. Do we look like a strange couple? Is that what they would think if Katniss wasn't mine? But to me, she feels like a younger sister, the way she always seems so much younger. I start thinking that's a little strange, because she has a daughter my same age. I look up just in time to see our chariot. Katniss looks so harsh and dark, while I look harsh and deadly. I don't think it's possible for Katniss to look that deadly. At least not to me.

Once it's over, Katniss thanks Cinna and Portia, and runs to her room. I stay for a minute, not wanting to seem like I was that concerned but I can't stay long.

I run to her room, stumbling once but catching myself, but then I collapse in front of her door. I get up grumbling and I'm just about to knock on her door when I stop. She's been telling me that she doesn't want me. I've been blind, not paying attention. She didn't sit next to me at dinner, or during the recaps, and she ran to her room. I still quietly knock on her door, just to see if she'll open it. No one comes.

I slump as I walk to my room, and once I'm in I fall onto the bed, falling asleep instantly.

The dream is the same as it is every time Katniss is mad at me. Her and Gale, with a family on the other side of the fence, mocking me the whole time. I can't ever scream in these dreams, and whenever I wake I see I'm always trying to suffocate myself with a pillow.

I was doing the same when Haymitch knocked on my door, telling me to get up. I remove my sweaty clothes, changing into the one's Portia left me, and spraying myself with a shower in a bottle. I get there and Effie is there, talking to Haymitch quietly. They sound like there fighting, but I just grab a cup of yogurt, not hungry. The thick cream, which is filled with berries, is hard to swallow. I choke it all down though, and by 9, Effie has to leave.

"So what are we to do?" I ask Haymitch.

"Well, since that girl isn't here yet, I guess I'll tell you. Make friends." He grumbles, rubbing a gold bracelet with flames carved into it.

"What? Make _friends?_ What so when we kill them, and Katniss comes home, you can hate her? No way! And anyways I don't trust half of them, and I'm the trusting one in this trio! Also, Katniss already lost Rue, if she attaches to anyone like that-"

"Peeta, she's attached to _you _like that, so either way, she's losing someone she cares about if you want her to win. And you guys haven't met any of them, aren't part of at least a small alliance, everyone will go after the new kids." Haymitch cuts me off with a glare. He then stands going to yell at Katniss.

He stomps back down a moment later muttering, "That girl is making me want to go into that arena again, just so I can kill her." I don't yell at him, even though I hate him saying that, but he's drunk and mad.

"Your late." Haymitch barks suddenly I see Katniss has just entered.

"Sorry. I slept in after the mutilated-tongue nightmares kept me up half the night," Her voice cracks at the end of the sentence. I give her a sad look. She avoids me.

"All right, never mind. Today in training, you've got two jobs. One, stay in love." Ok I'm not that stupid to realize he didn't tell me that one.

"Obviously." Katniss scoffs, rolling her eyes.

"And two make some friends." Haymitch braces himself.

"No! I don't trust any of them, I can't stand most of them, and I'd rather operate with just the two of us." Katniss says, crossing her arms.

"That's what I said at first, but-" Haymitch interrupts me, explaining we need more allies. Katniss and him argue until Effie comes in to walk us to the elevator. She wanted to walk as all the way down, but Haymitch fought with her about that as well. So when we get to the elevator she presses the button and waves us off. As we head down I take Katniss's hand, and she doesn't pull away.

We aren't late like last time though actually we seem to be early. Brutus and Enobaria are the only ones there. I look to the clock and see its quarter till 10. But at 10, about 11 other people come, and Atala starts her little speech like she did last year.

When she finishes, Katniss separate from me, telling me it would be better if we went to different stations. I don't fight, so I go over to Brutus and Chaff's station. There throwing spears and when Chaff sees me he smiles.

"SO, you and Katniss spilt?" He asks and I laugh.

"No, she just thinks it's better if she learns everything that involves fighting and I make friends." I say with a smile. This makes them both laugh.

"What so you're the spokesperson and she's the prize?" Brutus asks. I smile, pick up a spear and chuck it, hitting the target in the throat. We bicker for an hour or so, but then I walk off to join group of wrestlers. Mainly there all men but, Seeder and Johanna are also in it. Johanna isn't actually fighting at the moment, but she like cheering for the losers. Or manly saying things like 'well you sucked but it couldn't have been worse' or 'wow, I think I could have knocked you down in a second, but he took a while, so you're ok.' Most of it made no sense at all.

I went against the winner of the previous fights, the man from 9, and take him down with one blow. So now everyone fights against me. I take Finnick down, and he gives me a look. Then walks over to were Katniss is, and leans over her. People 'ooh' as if you were in school and someone was called to the Principal. I turn rolling my eyes and go to the knife throwing station. Half of the group follows me, and I start pretending I'm throwing the knives at Finnick for touching Katniss.

The others start pretending its Chaff, who pretends to throw them at me.

"What did I do?" I ask him with fake anger.

"I don't know, no one else is." He says and throws a knife lodging it into the dummies forehead. We all start laughing, throwing more knifes. I always glance back, just to see were Katniss is, and for a long time she's with Beetee and Wiress, district 3's tributes, at the fire starting station.

"Ugh, Peeta, your girlfriend hangs with freaks!" Johanna says, slipping her shirt back on.

"Fiance, but what do you mean?" I ask her chucking a knife.

"That's Nuts and Volts. Volt's is too smart to care about anyone else except Nuts who _is_ nuts." She says and a few people laugh.

"Katniss always liked the ones no one else wanted." I say with a smile and a shake of the head. I think of Lady, Prim's goat.

Lunch is called, and the group I was will still doesn't leave me. It's strange, but I feel like I'm back home, in school with the merchant crowd. But still, like there, you can tell the friendship is just for the moment. It's not a permanent thing; it's just to have the company.

"Hey Finn, come here and help me with the tables." Someone calls out, and 5 victors go around gathering the table and pushing them together. I see Katniss over by the stew and quietly walk over, getting away from the large group.

"How's it going?" I ask her.

"Good. Fine. I like the District Three victors, Wiress and Beetee." She tells me.

"Really?" Though I'm not surprised. "They're something of a joke to the others."

"Why does that not surprise me?" She says. I look at them, Beetee holding 2 trays and Wiress carefully putting food on each. I smile a little at the couple, as Beetee nods at something Wiress had said.

"Johanna's nicknamed them Nuts and Volts. I think she's Nuts and he's Volts." I tell her.

"And so I'm stupid for thinking they might be useful. Because of something Johanna Mason said while she was oiling up her breasts for wrestling." She almost snarls at me.

"Actually I think the nick name's been around for years. And I didn't mean that as an insult. I'm just sharing information." Katniss has been so moody. Her hormones are raging it seems. The thought hits me. I hide my smile, because I know what I can now use in out interviews.

"Well, Wiress and Beetee are smart. They invent things. They could tell by sight that a force field had been put up between us and the Gamemakers. And if we have to have allies, I want them." She throws the ladle back into the pot of stew, which splatters us.

"What are you so angry about?" I ask her, wiping my shirt. "Because I teased you on the elevator? I'm sorry. I thought you would just laugh about it."

"Forget it." She shakes her head. "It's a lot of things."

"Darius." I say.

"Darius. The Games. Haymitch making us team up with the others." She grumbles.

"It can just be you and me, you know." I remind her.

"I know. But maybe Haymitch is right. Don't tell him I said so, but he usually is where the Games are concerned." She says shaking her head a little.

"Well, you can have the final say about our allies." I say, giving her control. She always liked the ones with hidden talents, like Rue or Wiress. I try to remember back to her Games, and I think that she had taken a knife at the last minute, and stabbed a sleeping beast. It got up and chased her and the remaining 4 tributes. The beast killed 3 of them and then it was Wiress against a huge male tribute from 4 that had killed the beast. In the end she had run to the water, grabbed the man's arm, and then clutched a spear as she put it into the electrified water. No one knew who the winner was until the interviews, where she was cheered on by everyone. Well, except district 4 that is. "But right now I'm leaning toward Chaff and Seeder."

"I'm okay with Seeder, not Chaff. Not yet, anyway." She says. I more want Chaff because he hates the Games because they took the same thing as me. Except it's his arm, elbow down. My leg, knee down. And he's interesting to listen too.

"Come on and eat with him. I promise, I won't let him kiss you again." I say with a smile.

And she really does try. She jokes a little with them, but Chaff makes her thaw a little. And then when we split again, Katniss doesn't go to every empty station. I watch her talk to Cecilia, the women he pulled herself from the 3 kids, and Woof, her district partner. It frightens me a little when she's with Cashmere and Gloss, the siblings from District 1. But they seem to be kind enough.

I follow the crowd as it goes picking up random weapons and flinging them this way and that. I run around, laugh at horrible jokes, and always watch where Katniss is. Enobaria and her talk for a while but they don't really seem to entertain each other. Finnick finds her again, along with his partner Mags. They sit around talking for a while I tell Cecilia about Pepper. But as I'm talking I hear the sound of an arrow whizzing through the air. I turn to the archers station, which is across from the fire station. She's at first only shooting targets, but soon is aiming at fake birds high up, hitting five before one hits the ground.

"That's my bride." I mutter with a smile. Training ends and me and Katniss hang around, not doing much. I play with her hair and she shoots me annoyed looks, which I laugh at. We head down to dinner hand in hand, and when we're there Haymitch instantly starts talking.

"So at least half the victors have instructed there mentors to request you as an ally. I know it can't be your sunny personality." Haymitch glares.

"They saw her shoot." I say with a smile. "Actually, I saw her shoot, for real, for the first time. I'm about to put in a formal request myself." I chuckle.

"Your that good? So good that Brutus wants you?" Haymitch asks.

"But I don't want Brutus. I want Mags and District 3."

"Of course you do. I'll tell everybody you're still making up your mind." Haymitch says, but I know Katniss won't change. She'll want that she can protect, not that will pull all the strings to make her safe. She wants to be the leader like she's had to be for most of her life. I see that's why she can put up with me, I am vulnerable.

Training is easier, more or less because Katniss doesn't mind me following her. She jokes around, smiles and laughs with the victors. I figure out who likes us, and who just wants us as allies. I also figure out the pairs of everyone. Cecilia has a husband back home, childhood friend. Nuts and Volts are close but never been an official couple. Finnick has a girl back home whose insane. Literally.

Me and the Morphling's from 6 paint her into a field of wild flowers, and they seem so happy to have the company. They watch and mimic my hands as I trace patterns for them to follow.

As the week wears, we start joking about what we'll do in our private sessions. Chaff is going to tell jokes, Johanna's gonna give them a strip show, Seeder's going to sing. Mags will take a nap and I joke about baking them all cakes. Katniss is going to skin a pig.

But when the day gets here, I don't know what I'll do. Katniss doesn't know either, and when were the last ones there, I take her hands across the table asking if she knows.

"I can't use them for target practice this year, with the force field up and all. Maybe make some fish hooks. What about you?" She asks looking up from our hands.

"Not a clue. I keep wish I could bake them a cake or something." I tell her.

"Do some more camouflage." She suggests.

"If the morphlings have left me anything to work with." I grumble. "They've been glued to that station since training started." Is silent for a moment.

But then she blurts out, "How are we going to kill these people Peeta?" I lean my head onto our hands, letting out a breezy sigh, I tell her I don't know. She tells me how she can't have them as allies, and she hates Haymitch for making her befriend them. How it will be harder than last time. But then she catches herself, remember Rue. How she was so much like Prim.

"Her death was most despicable, wasn't it?" I ask having a brilliant idea.

"None of them were very pretty." She reminds me. But then I'm called and I walk in with a swift plan. As I walk in I spot the camouflage station, fairly clean. Those morphlings might be obsessive but there clean.

I walk over and stand directly in front of the head Gamemaker, the one who asked to dance with Katniss, and find the perfect spot to start the painting. I drag the whole station over to me, closer and also to block there view. They'll be interested now, for they can't see my plan.

I find the mud and start my painting. I only have 15 minutes, maybe more if they care to see it. But I work quickly, whipping my hands on my shirt over and over again like I would back home. I switch colors often, mixing and blending them. At first it looks sweet and the gentle red flowers bright and filled with life. That is until I splatter the red onto a gash, the flowers now a symbol of blood and pain.

"Mr. Mellark, your times up, please let us see what you've done so we can score you." Plutarch says intrigued. I do add the smallest amount of sun over the small frame, but then push the station away from me, back to where it belongs. I also listen to the gasps, the shrieks that some of them let out.

There now staring at Rue, her form as small as a fawn, covered in flowers. Her eyes are closed and she could be asleep. Well that is if there wasn't a bloody gash in her stomach. Her hands are resting at her side, and the spear that ended her, at her side as well. She has the smallest of smiles on her face, for she has now left the world so full of pain and suffering.

They are staring at lost innocence.


	16. Suicide Run

"You can go now, Mr. Mellark." Someone growls and I put on a winning smile.

"Thank you." I say brightly, bowing. They glare at me as I walk out. But once I'm out, my bravado is dead and I'm starting to freak out. What have I done? I might have ruined Katniss! What if no one sponsors us now?

_No, remember last year_, I remind myself when I step inside my room. _Katniss shoot an arrow at them, and she got the highest score anyone in 12 had ever got. They'll just make it all hell._ This makes me feel better, but I'm still scared. I was going to change my shirt and then wonder around but I realize, I'm covered in mud and juices. Whoops.

I press something, asking Portia for some clean clothes. I could just find some, but she likes doing it, and I hear the door open just as I turn on the shower. I hear the door open and close again after a minute, and I step into the shower. I press buttons, making the water burning, then freezing, and then I'm covered in a purple foam that I swear starts to sizzle on my skin.

I get that off as fast as I can, but then press another button by mistake, covering me in a light blue gel that smelled like the ocean.

"Ugh." I groan as I carefully remove the thick gel, without touching the panel again. I step out, and carefully made sweat pants, and a grey shirt. I slip them on and rub a towel on my head, making my hair stick out in every which way.

I walk out, and run into Haymitch who was coming to bring me to dinner. We head back, and as I walk I see I didn't completely get the colors off of my skin. My hands are covered in reds, purples, and blues. On my arms, there are the smallest splotches of color. Hopefully no one will notice until I want to tell.

I fall into a seat, and when Katniss comes down she comes to the one next to me. They bring out soup, and Haymitch asks how the sessions went. I look at Katniss and she looks frightened.

"You first. I must have been really special. I had to wait forty minutes to go it." I really don't want to tell. I thought it would be simple, but right now…

"Well, I-I did the, camouflage thing like you suggested, Katniss." I stutter a little. "Not exactly camouflage. I mean, I used the dyes." How am I going to explain this?

"To do what?" Portia prompts, looking up from under her glasses. I look around, and I wonder what Katniss thought of it. She stares at my hands, and then says.

"You painted something, didn't you?" She says and that stops me a little.

"Did you see it?" I ask.

"No. But they made a real point of covering it up." She tells me.

"Well, that would be standard. They can't let one tribute know what another did." Effie tells us with a wave of her hand. "What did you paint, Peeta? Was it a picture of Katniss?" Effie is so over dramatic.

"Why would he paint a picture of m, Effie?" _Because you're the prettiest girl here, and it would make them all guilty that you had to go back. _I think, but I stay quiet.

"To show he's going to do everything he can to defend you. That's what everyone in the Capitol's expecting, anyway. Didn't he volunteer to go in with you?" Effie says. Well what did she expect from me? To watch her die without doing anything? Never.

"Actually," I jump in. "I painted a picture of Rue. How she looked after Katniss had covered her in flowers." Silence. Portia drops her spoon and it clatters on the plate. Cinna clasps her hand, Haymitch glares at me, and Effie gasps.

"And what exactly were you trying to accomplish." His voice is very patient, meaning he is ready to kill me.

"I'm not sure. I just wanted to hold them accountable, if only for a moment." I look at their shocked faces. "For _killing_ that _little girl."_

"This is dreadful. That sort of thinking…it's _forbidden_, Peeta. Absolutely. You'll only bring down more trouble on yourself and Katniss." Effie's voice cracks and her eyes glisten with unshed tears.

"I have to agree with Effie on this one." Haymitch says, and I know I really messed up. Haymitch would only agree with Effie if we were screwed. Portia is staring at me, her eyes filled with worry, and Cinna just isn't able to understand

"Uh, I guess this is a bad time to mention I hung a dummy and painted Seneca Crane's name on it." She says. We all turn our wide eyes to her. Seneca Crane, last year's head Gamemaker.

I know everyone's talking but I don't hear them. Katniss, why? I did this so _you_ would be safe, and you ruined it. Effie leaves and were silent. Katniss says something but then I realize something.

"You'd have thought we planned it." I say, a smile playing at me lips.

"Didn't you?" Portia asks looking up momentarily and then pressing her fingers into her eyes, blocking out the light.

"No. Neither of us even knew what we were going to do before we went in." Katniss says her eyes gleaming.

"And, Haymitch? We decided we don't want any other allies in the arena." I tell him.

"Good. Then I won't be responsible for you killing off any of my friends with you stupidity." Haymitch grumbles.

"That's just what we were thinking." Katniss tells him.

Dinner is silent everyone giving us those 'I still can't believe you did that' looks. When were done we walk swiftly to the sitting room, and I plop to the floor in front of Katniss, leaning my head against her knees. Effie joins us, eyes puffy and red, making me feel bad. I put my hand on her shin, and she gives me a little look. That look that says 'never speak about it again.' I wasn't planning on it.

We all wait, watching the scores pass, there's small chatter, but I can't look away from the screen. My face appears, and then they show Katniss's face at the same time, and there's a big pulsing red '12' in between our pictures. We now have beaten anything anyone had ever done. A twelve, for both tributes is amazing. But if those tributes are from 12, you know it's amazing.

Any other tribute would be cheering and laughing. But not to us. I know what this will mean for us. And it's nothing good. I let my head fall into Katniss's lap, my hands covering my head. Katniss didn't seem to realize the reason they would do it. She's asking why they would do it, and everyone tells her that it's so were targets. Again.

I walk Katniss back to her room quietly, not knowing what to say. I open my mouth to say good night, but Katniss wraps her arms around my waist and lays her head on my chest. I press her a little closer to me holding my hands on her back. I lean my cheek onto the crown of her head, taking a deep breath. She smelled so young and sweet, like the apple tarts in the bakery.

"I'm sorry if I made things worse." She says into my chest.

"No worse than I did. Why did you do it, anyway?" I say a little louder than a whisper.

"I don't know. To show them that I'm more than just a piece of their Games?" I can feel the smile on her face. I laugh a little; I remember the time on the roof, last year before our Game. I had told her the same thing but she didn't get it.

"Me, too. And I'm not saying I I'm not going to try. TO get you home, I mean. But if I'm perfectly honest about it…"

"If you're perfectly honest about it, you think President Snow has probably given them direct orders to make sure we die in the arena anyway." I try not to flinch.

"It's crossed my mind." I say through clenched teeth. More than crossed. It's the whole reason I made those Gamemakers look at Rue. I wanted them mad at me, so they wouldn't do anything to her. But no, she _had _to ruin that with her stunt. "But even if that happens, everyone will know we've gone out fighting, right?" I try to console her, but more myself. I know Katniss will try to keep me alive, because she thinks I would deal with it all better. But she doesn't know, no one is worth it to me back home. I don't tell her this, I will use it in the arena when I try to make her see why her winning is more of a benefit.

"So what should we do with our last few days?" She asks me.

"I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you." I tell her.

"Come on then." She pulls me into her room.

Her room is abnormally hot, and I open the window, and also remove my shirt. She doesn't mind, because I was the same on the train. I lay onto her bed and she curls into my chest like she used to, and I hold her close. It feels so nice to hold her like this again, not as a lover, but as a comfort. My eyes close breathing in her sent, which normally would make my nightmares worse. But tonight she is still and so am I. When I wake Katniss is stirring as well.

"No nightmares." I tell her.

"No nightmares. You?" She asks a little worried. She remembers that I freeze when my nightmares are harsh.

"None. I'd forgotten what a real night's sleep feels like." I smile at her. She lays on my chest a little, so I don't try to move, and I'm really enjoying this. No need to be up, no need to be rushing for the moment that is. The Avox girl, who gives me a sad look hands us a note that Effie wrote to us telling us practice for the interviews is canceled.

"Really? Do you know what this means? We'll have the whole day to ourselves." I say with a huge smile.

"It's too bad we can't go somewhere." She brushes off.

"Who says we can't?" I ask, my smile getting the tiniest bit bigger.

We order tons of food, take a few blankets, I put my shirt back on, and we head up to the roof. Were up there all day, in the flower garden, listening to the chimes. Katniss breaks vines off to play with, and I was smart enough to bring up a sketch book and pencils to draw her. We play games with the force field, and I try to draw what it looks like when something hits it.

We play an old game, called Pictionary, were you have to draw something and the other person had to guess what it was before you finished the drawing. Katniss could guess pretty quick, but it took me a moment to catch hers since her sketches were very messy.

The late afternoon sun is nice to us, and Katniss rest her head in my lap making a flower crown as she basks there. I play with her hair making up excuses to why I'm doing it. Then the a cloud moves and the light hits her face in such a way I freeze. She's so beautiful. I can't help but stare.

"What?" She asks.

"I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever." I tell her. Her eyes open the tiniest bit to look at me, but them closes them again.

"Okay." I smile brightly.

"So you'll allow it?" I ask her.

"I'll allow it." She says. I pull at her hair again, and she falls asleep. I sketch her, but manly just stroke her hair. I watch the sun lower into the horizon and wake Katniss when then set starts changing the sky.

"I didn't think you'd want to miss it." I tell her. She sits up and leans up against me with my arms around her, as she watches.

"Thanks." She tells me as the orange gets darker and darker fading into a purple. We don't go to dinner and no one looks for us.

"I'm glad. I'm tired of making everyone around me so miserable. Everybody crying. Or Haymitch…" I don't continue, we both understand. We stay up on the roof until it's too cold to stay and then we go to Katniss's room to sleep.

The next morning, I'm awoken by a stiff knock and then 3 people whirling into the room. It's Katniss's prep team, and when they see us together, a little blue haired girl bursts into tears. A pea green girl scolds her for crying and I'm shoved out of the room. I can hear the sobbing girl the whole way back.

Tentic and Kem are already there, but when I ask were Gem is, Kem tells me she couldn't do it. They start working on me normally, and they both 'ooh' at my new leg. But they're fairly silent bantering a little with each other about a color palette.

"What do you think Peeta? Bright orange with dark purple is a great combo right?" Tentic asks me.

"Well, a muted orange would be better, like, uh, this." I hold up my shirt from last night. He nods and takes a stick of dark purple lipstick, and puts a streak on the arm. He nods with a smile.

"What about teal and evergreen?" Kem asks.

"That's always beautiful." I tell her and her smile fills her face.

Portia walks in and Tentic looks at me with his dark purple eyes. "I hope Katniss doesn't mind us visiting her, after she's won." I smile at him. He knows I won't win. He knows she will.

"Peeta, what have I told you about influencing the Prep Team?" Portia tries to joke. But her eyes are horribly sad.

"I'm sorry that Tentic is so sincere." I mimic her tone. She sticks her tongue out at me, and I do the same at her. She giggles as she pulls out the black bag. "What's that?" I ask.

"You'll see." She says unzipping it.

"Are you kidding me?" I ask looking at the silk tux. Oh no.

"Sorry." Is all she says as I strip down and then get into it. My fingers trace the stitching in it, but I'm disgusted. I can't fight though as Portia, combs my hair so it's neat looking. We start heading down to the elevator. Portia hands my white gloves and I catch a glimpse of myself on the door. The outfit looks so familiar, but I can't place it. No one comes over as Portia straightens it all out, making it perfect.

But I instantly remember why the outfit is getting me such strange looks when Katniss comes in. She's dressed in a beautiful white gown, the sleeves falling to the ground. I'm wearing a tux, like what the groom would wear in a wedding here. Katniss is in my favorite wedding dress, and she gets worse looks than I.

I think of the weddings in 12, and there so simple. A girl will normally wear a white dress, either passed down or rented, and the guy will wear his best. Sometime they'll rent a tux, but it's only with the mayor's son or something. You go to the Justice Building and fill out a marriage license, are assigned a home depending on income and were they work. The family and friends gather, and sometime they come to the bakery to get something special. Sometimes if I know there's a wedding going on, I would frost a cake, and deposit it in front of their homes in the morning. Or in the window if it's open. The groom will carry the bride through the threshold as people sing an old song that everyone in 12 knows. But what makes 12 so special, or strange I guess, is no one is officially married until they make a fire together, and toast bread together. I guess since we can't afford rings like some people do, we just find that simplest.

Katniss stands next to me, and when we get down to the others, they all become silent. People make snide comments about her, glaring at us together and she tries to defend Cinna saying Snow wanted it. Others, like Cecelia, give us sad looks, and Johanna even straightens Katniss necklace.

We line up, and as the interviews start, I can hear everyone's hatred. They're all very careful how they say it, and very careful to blame Snow. Not all of them do it, some to drunk, some just don't care, but the ones that do, are very good with wording. Some tell about the Capitols kindness to this, but how there surprised that Snow hasn't stopped it, Finnick recites a poem, and others ask the experts if this will increase ratings.

Katniss goes up, and the already sobbing audience, go into a riot seeing her wedding dress. Caesar almost can't do it either, voice cracking as he calms the crowd. Caesar finally asks Katniss if there's anything she wants to say.

"Only that I'm so sorry you won't get to be at my wedding…but I'm glad you at least get to see me in my dress. Isn't it just…the most beautiful thing?" Her voice is trembling. She stands and reaches her hands above her head to start twirling. But then fire starts on the bottom of her dress. I stand instantly, but someone holds me back.

"Let me go!" I fight them, but I think I can hear Portia saying to calm down. I stop fighting but I don't sit, and the person holding me doesn't let me go. The fire is eating her dress and I can't see her through the smoke, and I'm trusting that Cinna loves her enough to keep her safe. The smoke clears and I start coughing as it's blown into my face. But I fall back into my chair when I see the dress.

Her dress is now made of tiny feathers, black with white patches on the sleeves. I don't get it at first, I don't understand what it means. I stare for a moment longer, and then I cover my mouth with my hand. Katniss is the bird on her pin. A mockingjay. A creature that was never intend to live. Never wanted by the Capitol. The best rebellion anyone could have.

And Cinna must know he just committed suicide


	17. See you Soon

**Hello, once again! Yes, again Lost Grey Soul has been my Beta, and everything is so much better! And yes, i heard a few of you, eh, _cried_ in the last chapter. That amazes me because i didn't think my writing was that good! Anyways, thanks for reading, and remember 3 reviews before 18's up :)**

The victors are murmuring, so I can't exactly hear, but I see Katniss flapping her new found wings as Caesar pets her now black veil. Caesar gestures up to Cinna, and he gets up to take a bow. I look up there, and I see Portia has her hands clasped over her mouth. She must know how much danger Cinna's in, but she just makes it look like she's in awe.

The silent audience bursts into a wild applause, and her 3 minutes are up. As I pass her I can't look at her, but when I'm up there I change it up, put on the same smile I put on for the Gamemakers. Caesar asks what I thought of Katniss transformation.

"Well, I thought it was horrid at first, I thought it wasn't supposed to happen. But then I saw it, and thought she was lovely," People aww in the audience, but then I add, "But then I wondered if they overcooked her." Which makes people laugh. We banter like this for a little while longer. But it's hard to focus, so Caesar goes to the harder stuff.

"So, Peeta, what was it like when, after all you've been through, you found out about the Quell?" He asks gently.

"I was in shock. I mean, one minute I'm seeing Katniss looking so beautiful in all these wedding gowns, and the next…"_I was running to Haymitch like a child who couldn't find his mother._

"You realized there was never going to be a wedding." He says gently.

Actually I never did think of that. I just thought, 'Katniss must win,' and the wedding was pushed from my mind. But right now, seeing Katniss in a dress, me in a tux, it's now front and center. I look at the audience, they're waiting for me to tell them something, then I look to the floor.

"Caesar?" I say looking up, "Do you think all our friends here can keep a secret?" They laugh, but it's forced and awkward. Everyone's watching, it can't be a secret, but they all now are leaning forward wanting to catch every word.

"I feel quite certain of it." Caesar says, confusion in his face as well. I lean forward a little, as if it really is a secret.

"We're already married." I tell them a bit louder than a whisper. The crowd starts gasping and muttering to each other. I see Katniss, her face hidden in the folds of her skirt, and it's perfect.

"But…how can that be?" Caesar stutters a little.

"Oh, it's not an official marriage. We didn't go to the Justice Building or anything. But we have this marriage ritual in District Twelve. I don't know what it's like in the other districts. But there's this thing we do. The new bride and groom build a fire together, and then toast apiece of bread together. It's not much, but if you don't, we don't consider the couple married." I tell the watching audience.

"Were your families there?" Caesar pushes. I shake my head.

"No, we didn't tell anyone. Not even Haymitch. Katniss's mother would never have approved. But you see, we knew if we were married in the Capitol, there would be no toasting. And neither of us wanted to wait any longer. So one day we just did it. And to us, we're more married than any piece of paper or big party could make us." Sadly this isn't true, we aren't married, in any which, way, or form.

"SO this was before the Quell?" Caesar confirms.

"Of course before the Quell. I'm sure we'd never have done it after we knew." I start getting angry; half of its fake, half really hatred. "But who could've seen it coming? No one. We went through the Games, we were victors, everyone seemed so thrilled to see us together and then out of nowhere-I mean, how could we anticipate a thing like that?" I growl out.

"You couldn't, Peeta." Caesar puts his arm around my shoulders. "As you say, no one could've. But I have to confess, I'm glad you two had a least a few months of happiness together."

We get a huge applause, but I don't agree. They show Katniss on a screen and I see small tears in her eyes as she smiles. Perfect, because the smile is forced.

"I'm not glad." I call over the applause. "I wish we had waited until the whole this was done officially." Everyone is stunned by my words.

"Surely even a brief time is better than no time?" Caesar stammers.

"Maybe I'd think that, too, Caesar." I almost snarl at him. "If it weren't for the baby."

There, I said it. Katniss's mood swings gave me the idea. It takes a few minutes for everyone to understand the meaning of what I've said. But when they do, they're ramped, screaming, crying, in a full-blown riot.

These heartless people, who loved watching us die, are now angered by their love. For now, they're going to watch Katniss, who is supposedly pregnant, go back into the Games. I'm not saying that there haven't been pregnant tributes before, but no one cared about them. But Katniss is a star, both of us are. Were both going back, so they know they will lose at least one of the star-crossed lovers. But now they might lose two in one blow. Katniss's face is filled with pain and suffering. I know that this is what Katniss never wanted. To lose her children in the Games, why she was always so reluctant to marry. When Katniss is clueless she's so much more helpful.

The buzzer goes off, and I nod, heading back to my seat. Katniss is in a slight shock. But then as Caesar speaks, I'm hit by my own words. I will get Katniss out of that arena alive, but I won't be in 12 again until I'm in a box. Katniss will have to say it's a miscarriage, so people don't suspect anything. But I won't be there. I won't comfort her, or the crowd. Katniss won't cry on my shoulder, hide in my shirt, or avoid Caesar's questions.

I won't be there. I won't have children of my own. I won't watch Katniss's stomach expand, or listen to her coo over a kid. I would never hold that child, being mine or another's, and tell him how wonderful Katniss is. I would never teach him to bake, or what Katniss's favorite things are. And Katniss wouldn't stand there with me as we tell him stories. She would tell stories of me.

_It's a fake pregnancy; stop whining_I scold at myself. But that's why I'm such a wreck. There won't ever be a child. Not of mine, and Katniss would be too messed up to want any. The anthem blasts, and we all stand. I reach out and take Katniss's hand. They show over the cameras that Katniss extended her hand to Chaff. I see that I'm crying, but I let the silent tears slide down my cheeks.

But then I see it. Every Victor is holding hands. We are united, a front that will fight. Wiress and Beetee, stand up a little taller from their slouched forms, Finnick takes Wiress hand with a smile, and Mags takes 5's hand. We are together. The Districts are now united. Then everything goes black, making me clamp my hand tighter on Katniss's. We stumble to an elevator and I hold it for Finnick and Johanna, but a Peacekeeper blocks the door, hitting our button. We flash up to our floor and I remember how last year she was so mad at me.

"There isn't much time, so tell me. Is there anything I have to apologize for?" I grip her shoulders when we step off the elevator.

"Nothing." She tells me quietly. We wait for the others, but the only person to come is Haymitch.

"It's madness out there. Everyone's been sent home and they've canceled the recap of the interviews on television."

Me and Katniss rush to the window, watching the people. "What are they saying?" I ask, "Are they asking the president to stop the Games?" It's a dead hope, but I still ask.

"I don't think they know themselves what to ask. The whole situation is unprecedented. Even the idea of opposing the Capitol's agenda is a source of confusion for the people here. But there's no way Snow would cancel the Games." He turns to me. "You know that, right?" I nod.

I know, but maybe he'll be easy on us, so it calms the people. Snow won't stop though; he wants us out of his hair. We'll all be dead, except Katniss. If I plan it right, I will be dead in a week.

"The others went home?" Katniss asks, leaning out a little.

"They were ordered to. I don't know how much luck they're having getting through the mob," Haymitch says peering over the edge.

"Then we'll never see Effie again," I realize. We hadn't seen her the morning of the Games last year. "You'll give her our thanks?" I ask.

"More than that. Really make it special. It's Effie after all. Tell her how appreciative we are and how she was the best escort ever and tell her…tell her we send our love," Katniss adds. We all just stand there, not sure of what to do anymore, trying to avoid the unavoidable.

"I guess this is where we all say our good-byes as well." Haymitch says finally.

"Any last words of advice?" I ask.

"Stay alive." He grumbles the same advice that he always told us. I smile, and pull him into a quick hug, and then Katniss does the same. "Go to bed. You need your rest."

"You take care, Haymitch,"_And when she wins, please tell her it was never, at any time, fake, in case she forgets._We start down the hall, and Haymitch calls to Katniss about being in the arena. He's quiet for a minute, and after Katniss asks him what he means, he just says,

"You just remember who the enemy is. That's all. Now go on. Get out of here," We continue walking down the hall, and I ask Katniss if I can meet her in her room. I want to shower and grab some clothes, but Katniss refuses, dragging me to her room. She doesn't let go of my hand until I go to take a shower in her room, but even then I have to promise her I won't leave. When I get out, I have barely gotten my boxers on before Katniss pulls me into bed.

I'm not sure if Katniss ever fell asleep, but I never do. I just hold her tight, memorizing how she feels in my arms, her soft mint and evergreen scent. We never speak, but I let a few tears fall into her hair. What if I die tomorrow? What if_she_dies tomorrow? I don't dwell on that fact; I just try to pretend were back home.

I'm almost asleep when Portia and Cinna walk in. Portia extends a hand to me and before I take it I press my lips to Katniss's.

"See you soon," I tell her.

"See you soon," She replies. I take Portia's hand, following her with a little blush on my face, since I'm in only my boxers. We head into my room, were I put on loose pants and shirt, and then we wait for a while longer. Portia's watch beeps and we head to the roof.

I step up to the ladder, and when I place my feet onto it, I'm once again I'm frozen.

"You know," I'm able to spit out "I wouldn't move."

"Yes, that's what they all say," The woman laughs as she sticks me with the tracker. Wouldn't want to lose a tribute.

I climb up the ladder, Portia following after me. Portia pushes me toward the food table, and forces me to pick a piece of fruit and something to drink. I pick up a thing that looks slightly like an orange and grab a bottle of water. I peel the might-be orange slowly, and then pull it into the little sections. After I do that, I take the thin skin that covers the sections, and take the little balloon like things that are in all citrus fruit. Portia watches me, but we don't speak. By the time we land, I've said maybe 2 words, and finished two of the might-be oranges. We go back to the launch rooms, and I take a cold shower to wake me up, and then slip on boxers that are almost like swim trunks, and a dark undershirt.

But this year's outfits, there disgusting. A tight blue jumpsuit made of a thin material. A six-inch padded plastic purple belt and nylon running shoes. Portia looks at the fabric with clinical eyes, but doesn't say anything so I doubt she knows. But then Portia pulls out a small gold locket with Katniss's mockingjay imprinted in it. It was an inch or so bigger than Katniss's pin, but it easily fit into the inside of the tight fabric without notice. I pull it out and slide my nail into a notch, popping it open.

"Thank you," I whisper. Inside there's a picture of Prim and Mrs. Everdeen, and on the other side, Gale is giving a small smile. "Thank you," I repeat.

"I thought that's what you wanted. It's for her right?" She asks me. I nod, and pull her into a tight hug. And when I try to pull away, I feel Portia shaking and hiccupping as she cries. So I pull her tighter into my arms. She keeps whispering something but I don't understand. So we stand there, not caring, as we wait. When the voice comes over telling us to go on out plates we do. I stand on the edge so I can still hold Portia.

"Peeta, I hope you know I will always count you as my son," She tells me sniffling.

"And I'll always count you as my little sister," I smile a little as I ruffle her hair.

"Thanks Peeta, for everything. Who knows? Maybe next year, I'll get to be a stylist again," She smiles.

"If they don't, their insane," I tell her. She's silent for a minute.

"It was a pleasure working with you Peeta." Portia finally say. I nod.

"Ditto," is I all can muster. A flash of static pulses over her watch. She presses a button, and says.

"Cinna?" Another blip of static. "Cinna? Cinna, answer me!" Portia's voice started to get worried. Static and a thick thump. "Cinna! Cinna! Come on answer me! Please!" She's screaming into the watch now. I hold her shoulders.

"Portia, go and check on him ok? I think his watch might be malfunctioning," I tell her, but she hugs me tightly, kisses me right on the lips and whispers something my own mother hasn't said in years.

"I love you, Peeta, and I'll be rooting for you until you're gone." And then she darts from the room, screaming Cinna's name. I rub my hand across my face, making sure there are no tears. Nope, I'm good. Finally the tube closes over me, and I'm lifted slowly. I change my stance, stick out my chest, and erase all of my expression.

But when I'm up, I stumble a little, hunch over, and try to see. But I can't it's too bright and everything so reflective. A cool breeze runs down the back of my neck and I feel the warm water slashing on my boots. I look up covering my eyes to see better. Water. Everywhere.

This would be a great time to know how to swim.


	18. Cannon Fire

**So yes, this is really short and i have no idea why! But anyways, i love the end of this chapter it will keep coming back to that...i have plans my followers! Anyways, uh remember to review!**

Once again, we will stand here for 60 seconds. But I might be here for a lot. You see, District 12 naturally sucks, but another reason it does is we are so small; we have no large water sources. This then makes it we can't swim. I heard that, a long time ago, we had tons of lakes near us, but then the climate changed, causing climate to change, and then our lakes were only in the woods. This gives me hope that Katniss can swim. I find a flash of gold and see the Cornucopia, but I'm not sure if it's on an island of its own or it's on where we all need to go.

Either way, I can't swim, in anyway. I look over and see were not all on one, but two on every little plate. I look for Katniss, but I don't find one. Wiress is on mine, and she looks poised. I see Beetee, 4 wedges over; watching her intently, ready to swim this way. The gong sounds and Wiress just stands there for a moment. But then, hops in, bobbing around and using her arms to push herself to the Cornucopia. I dart around on my little wedge, trying to find Katniss, but I can't see anyone over the shining of the water.

I can hear though, I hear clash of weapons. I stare, squinting trying to see people, and I do, but they're so far I can't see well for a moment. As the water laps at my feet, I think of how hot it is. I dunk my hand into the water and let a warm droplet fall into my mouth. Salt, gross. I look up, and I finally see people. Finnick and Katniss are at the Cornucopia, making me sigh in relief. Finnick isn't going after her luckily; he seems to be helping her.

I let out a yelp, though, as I see Finnick swinging his trident over Katniss head. I thought she had just ducked in time, but I see that Finnick just killed district 5. I let out another, thin and choking, sigh. I have to get off of this thing. Swimming couldn't be that hard right?

Uh, yeah, it really could. I shuffle around, trying to think of something. I see Mags, who was one wedge over, jump into the water, and bobbing around. Maybe if I could just float…

"Hey, come on District 12, your wife's waiting." Finnick's voice comes from my feet. I look down and see him resting his arm on the edge of my plate. I glance up and see Katniss waiting at the edge, anxiety on her face.

"Why didn't she come?" I ask him. He rolls his eyes.

"Because I don't think a pregnant woman should be swimming, and towing someone, in the middle of the ocean. Don't worry I'm not going to kill you, because your mentor would kill me," He laughs showing me his gold bangle. Or, more or less, Haymitch's bangle.

"Fine," I say and he yanks me into the water. His arm locks around my chest and, even though it feels totally strange, I go limp after the first few strokes. We get to land quickly, and Katniss comes over and pulls me up.

"Hello, again," I say with a smile, kissing her. "We've got allies," I say looking at Finnick who, I'm honestly surprised, didn't drown me.

"Yes, just like Haymitch intended," She grumbles a little. I smile a little wider as I see her anger.

"Remind me, did we make deals with anyone else?" I ask her, stand up.

"Only Mags, I think." She nods at the grey haired woman bobbing in the water.

"Well, I can't leave Mags behind. She's one of the few people who actually likes me," Says Finnick as he puts on his winning smile. I can't help but chuckle, because I'm sure most of Panem is screaming that it's a lie. He scoops Mags out of the water, and when she's out she mumbles about something.

"I've got no problem with Mags, especially now that I see the arena. Her fishhooks are probably our best chance of getting a meal." Katniss smiles as she speaks.

"Katniss wanted her on the first day," I tell Finnick.

"Katniss has remarkably good judgment." Finnick mimics my tone. I roll my eyes at him as Mags gurgles something while patting her belt.

"Look, she's right. Someone figured it out." He gestures to Beetee who, at the moment, is leaning on his belt, which he unhooked from his waist, and was leaning on it.

"What?" Katniss asks.

"The belts. There like flotation devices. I mean you have to propel yourself, but they'll keep you from drowning," Finnick explains to us. Katniss looks like she wants to say something but she just says to move on.

Katniss grabs an extra box and quiver of arrows, handing them to me. I also grab a knife; it's about 7 inches long with a serrated edge. I can't hook it to my belt or anything so I clutch the handle tightly. We start heading away from the Cornucopia as we run into the forest like area. No, not forest. Forests are what are outside 12. This is a jungle, something that was halfway destroyed in the dark days.

I take the lead so I can slash the thick flora ahead of us. The air is thick and hard to breathe, and it's warm. I don't like the fact that Katniss is in the back of our group, but I don't argue.

After climbing a mile or so, Finnick asks to rest. I don't argue, I keep getting my leg caught in the foliage around me so I'm annoyed a little. Katniss climbs up a tree, looking for something. I'm not sure what she's looking for though. Mags grumbles on about something, and Finnick nods to her, laughing a little. I just try to make sure she's not choking.

Katniss starts sliding down her perch, and Finnick raises his trident defensively. Finnick starts mocking her, asking if everyone's all joined hands, defied the Capitol.

"No," She growls.

"No, because whatever happened in the past, is in the past. And no one in this arena was a victor by chance." He glances over at me. "Except maybe Peeta,"

This makes me look up. What did I do? No, I haven't killed anyone, in these Games. Well Foxface and the girl when I was with the Careers, but I was trying not to be killed myself. That doesn't mean I wouldn't…Ok it does, I would have ran for my life, or maybe depending on whom it was, tried reason.

When this is all planned in my mind, I see that the two of them are poised to attack. I walk over to Katniss, and stand right in between them.

"So how many are dead?" I ask. Katniss glares harshly at me, but I'm not letting her and Finnick go at it. First, because she could kill him easily, and second he could kill her instantly. His size and strength against her…I would kill him and then myself.

"Hard to say," She snarls. "At least six I think. And they're still fighting."

"Let's keep moving. We need water," I remind her.

"Better find some soon, we need to be undercover when the others come hunting us tonight," Finnick growls back. The venom in Katniss's eyes is fading. I only get out from between them when Katniss turns around to start heading forward again. I go to the front, slashing through the thick growth around us. We walk over a hill; Katniss thinking that there might be something over there.

But there isn't. The only water we ever encounter is the water in the air. Katniss grumbles about it a little, and then she gives off a strange noise, just as I slash my knife again.

The pain is so horrible. I'm thrown back and into something but it's all black. I struggle for air but none enters my lungs. My head's burning, but my chest is oddly still. Everything's still, and quiet. It's the most silence I've heard in years. I can't really form any thoughts, but there is one thing I do hear before I really lose it.

I swear I hear the faint sound of a cannon.


	19. Scream

**Ok so I'm saying this now; I have no idea what it's like when your heart stops. I've searched it, but a) anyone that has ever had their heart stopped wasn't electrocuted and according to my mom it would_most likely_be different. And b) anyone that has had their heart stop is dead. So this is what I think would happen, your brain would try to make it less traumatic, and then it would all be very, _very_painful. So yeah tell me how you think it is.**

I swear I never open my eyes, but I see someone. A girl with long black hair, braided back, and glowing grey eyes. I know who she is, but my head still hurts, so I can't really think too much. But I know one thing. I love her. She smiles at me, it's bright and it hurts to remember. But I do. I stare at her, and I try to smile. But everything_hurts,_and I can barely even imagine her. But again, I do.

Flecks of black and white are covering my vision. The pain is fleeting and I get a feeling I'm ok again. She reaches a hand to me, and I see her mouth moving, gesturing toward something bright. I see little birds flitting around, and a little dark haired and skinned girl smiling with them. A large boy that looks similar has his arms crossed over his chest, almost guarding her. They're all getting fuzzy as the brightness gets larger, almost engulfing everything

But then I feel the normal pounding in my chest and the pain comes back with a vengeance. Everything burns, and everything seems so wrong. Memories flood back, the girl from my mind, Katniss, and everything's that happened. I cough, but even that hurts. My eye's flutter open with a start, and I'm staring into the same eyes from my…dream I guess.

"Careful," My voice even is weak and hurts. "There's a force field up ahead." Katniss laughs, but tears are falling quickly and she's close to sobbing.

"Must be a lot stronger than the one on the Training Center roof. I'm all right, though. Just a little shaken." I try to sooth her, but my throat hurts, I need water, and I can't move without wincing, which just makes it hurt more.

"You were dead! Your heart_stopped!_" She shrieked out, and then clapped her hands over her mouth. She shook, and I tried to sit up, but her strange sobs hurt more than everything else I felt.

"Well, it seems to be working now," She still shakes. "It's alright Katniss." She nods, but the sobs still tear at me. "Katniss?" I was worried for her.

"It's okay, it's just her hormones. From the baby," Finnick clarifies. Katniss tries to object with a glare, but the sobs just get worse. It fits, like she totally forgot she could lose us both. And now she remembers it's possible. My poor little Katniss.

"How are you? Do you think you can move on?" Finnick asks me. I'm about to answer when Katniss rest a hand lightly on my chest.

"No, he has to rest," She claims. Her nose is running and Mags grabs her some moss to wipe it with. When Katniss finishes, she looks back over at me and tilts her head a little. She reaches out at pulls at the chain on my neck. My necklace.

"Is this your token?" She asks.

"Yes. Do you mind that I used your mockingjay? I wanted us to match," I tell her. She seems like she's in shock, and it's funny for me. I don't laugh though, not wanting to deal with that pain. I think that Katniss is in shock over that, and I just, apparently, died.

"No, of course I don't mind." She forces a smile.

"So you wanna make camp here, then?" Finnick asks looking around.

"I don't think that's an option. Staying here, with no water, no protection," I shake my head a little. "I feel all right, really. If we could just go slowly," The pounding in my head has quieted, and I can have my eyes open without wincing, so I count that as good. Finnick pulls me to my feet lightly and after I stand there for a minute, I'm…alive. It hurts though. Katniss takes the lead and I step forward trying to argue but then it all hurts and goes downhill.

My head's spinning, my legs burn, and my heart stutters. I can't even really hear what their saying because of the pounding in my ears. I'm concentrating on not vomiting when Katniss says to listen.

"I don't hear anything," I say, but I might not want to be the one talking. All I hear is the blood pounding in my ears. I catch snips of what Katniss is talking about, about the fence in district 12, and being quieter. Then about her left ear.

"The one the doctors reconstructed?" I ask, remembering our last Games. Speaking even hurts right now and I need water to sooth my burning throat. Katniss goes on about hearing insect wings and snow hitting the ground. Katniss starts ahead, but Finnick stops her after a minute so he can make a cane for Mags, and then he gives me a staff. I give him a thankful nod, and he just stares at me.

The whole time we're walking I'm just concentrating on not throwing up from the pain. But I don't ask to rest, because I already know that we're going slow because of me. I eventually start limping again, which I haven't done in months, and am panting hard. Katniss finally just says to rest.

I collapse to the ground, leaning onto a tree as Katniss climbs the one next to me. I hear a shock of static, but it might be my imagination. Katniss jumps back down, and looks a little annoyed.

"The force field has us trapped in a circle. A dome, really. I don't know how high it goes. There's the Cornucopia, the sea, and then the jungle all around. Very exact. Very symmetrical. And not very large," She explains.

"Did you see any water?" Finnick asks before I can.

"Only the saltwater where we started the Games," She answers.

"There must be some other source! Or we'll all be dead in a matter of days." I whine, sounding like a child.

"Well, the foliage is thick. Maybe there are ponds or springs somewhere," She isn't convincing. "At any rate, there's no point in trying to find out what's over the edge of this hill, because the answer is nothing."

"There must be drinkable water between the force field and the wheel," I whimper. I need water soon. But we really only walk about 5 hundred yards further, and then just start circling. Looking for invisible water in a place hotter than Hell its self. Luckily, by mid afternoon, we get to make camp.

Finnick and Mags starts pulling the long grass blades, weaving them into mats. Mags is doing fine so I start collecting the nuts she's been eating. There everywhere, and it doesn't take me long to collect a good amount. I lean against a tree and throw the nuts into the force field, roasting them, and then I peal them. It easily takes my mind away from needing water. I do this for a while, but then I hear Katniss tell Finnick she's going to look for water. I look over at her, and I squirm out of my little spot.

"Don't worry, I won't go far," She tries to console me.

"I'll go too," I say, and I start to pull myself up.

"No, I'm going to do some hunting if I can." I interpret that to,_'you're way to loud so just stay here where you're useful,'_"I won't be long," She says with a little smile. And then before I can argue anymore, she darts off. I slump back to the ground, running my hand through my sweat filled hair.

"So you're really that loud? Wow, that's sad," Finnick says as he weaves. I glare at him.

"Says the man who's weaving a basket," I mutter.

"What? At least I don't frost cakes for a living," He chuckles.

"You know, if I didn't die today I would so punch you," I grumble back, but he knows I'm not mad. Just then a cannon goes off. I start trying to stand but Finnick just shakes his head.

"She's way to smart to get caught. If anything she's the reason their dead," Finnick chuckles again. I know he's right, but I still don't feel that good. My heads spinning more now, so I go over and start the routine I'd picked up. Throw nuts into the force field. Catch them when they get thrown back. Shell them. Put them on the leaf. Repeat. I just keep doing this, trying not to think about Katniss, so I don't worry. Mags pushes a woven bowl were I've been placing the meat from the shells. I move the pile, filling two bowls with just that and then start filling a third. I hear the slightest huffing and we all look over to Katniss, hoping she has water. She shakes her head.

"No, no water. It's out there, though. He knew where it was," She holds up a strange skinned creature that slightly resembles a squirrel. "He'd been drinking recently when I shot him out of a tree, but I couldn't find his source. I swear, I covered every inch of the ground in a thirty yard radius," Katniss explains.

"Can we eat him?" I ask her, moving a little closer.

"I don't know for sure. But his meat doesn't look that much different form and squirrels. He ought to be cooked…" She mumbles. I can see the gears turning in her head as she thinks of a way around a fire. I throw another nut into the force field and then smile. I pull out a knife and cut a cube of the meat and put it on a stick. A cabob I think my father called it. I let it fall into the force field, and when it flies back I catch the stick. The meat is black as coal on the outside, but the inside is cooked perfectly. Everyone actually gives me a round of applause, but it's short. We are in the arena after all.

The meal is good. I haven't really been snacking on the nuts, afraid that when I stood up I would puke, but the pain is dulling or maybe I'm getting used to it. But now I eat the almost sweet nuts and the gamey rodent. Its great.

All through dinner Finnick asks about the rodent. What it looked like, how high in the tree it was, how long did she watch it, what was it doing. The rodent, now known as a tree rat to us, was just snuffling around.

The conversation starts disappearing as the night starts to fall. We all move to in front of the little hut that Mags and Finnick created, and I take Katniss's hand. I give it a gentle squeeze when the anthem starts. The seal seems to be floating in space as it shows the faces of the people. I hold onto her hand tightly.

The guy from 5 is the first on. That means Beetee and Wiress are still alive, which probably makes Katniss happy. The male morphling from 6 is next. Cecilia and Woof both appear. I let a tear fall for her. She was always talking of her kids, the oldest only 10, and how they were the best things ever. She loved hearing of Pepper, and comparing them to her youngest, who was 3. Both from 9, the woman from 10, and Seeder.

No one speaks. We all just sit there, Katniss clutching my hand tighter than ever. I don't really know what to think, and I'm numb for a moment. But I pay attention when a silver parachute falls in front of us. We don't move.

"Whose is it, do you think?" Katniss asks after a moment.

"No telling. Why don't we let Peeta claim it, since he died today?" Eh, why can't they drop that?

I pull the cord that's rapped around the little box and flatten the parachute out, laying the box's content onto the silk sheet. "What is it?" Katniss asks, but no one knows.

I pick up a small metal tube like thing with an opening at one end and a slit in the other. I blow into it, seeing if there's a sound. None comes. Finnick slides it onto his finger seeing if it was weapon, but that doesn't work either. Mags can't even use it for fishing. Katniss just roles it over and over in her hands trying to think like Haymitch most likely. It's kind of funny to watch the crease form over her eyes. She holds it to the moonlight, looking at it in odd angles. She complains that if we had Wiress and Beetee they could figure it out.

Katniss lays her cheek against the grass matt, jamming the medal thing into the ground. I rub a spot in between her shoulders, something I had seen Baggett do to Aloe many times when she was tired or stressed.

I start randomly thinking of the day I offered for my family to move in with me. It was three days after I had come back and we were having a family dinner. I announced that everyone could move in if they wanted. It was silent for a moment, and then they all at once say they would rather stay where they all are. It shocked me, and I got a little mad. I yelled at them, more at my mother, for being ungrateful. She had shrunk back, frightened of me, and I had stormed out.

I know see why they all refused. As I sit here in the arena, surrounded by trees, Katniss lying next to me, I see it all. They all refused because I wasn't Peeta.

If I was Peeta, when they refused I wouldn't have yelled. I would have sat quietly, not asking again. I would have been silent, never talking really, just when I was spoken too, like normal. I now see why Mother never liked me with Pepper.

I have seen more murder, and been a part of more murder, than anyone in my family could imagine. I was the good son, stayed up late to finish orders, and got up early to open up the bakery. I was hit more than either of my brothers, but I got better grades. I had always been the underdog, the one that smiled through the pain, and laughed through tears.

No I wasn't Peeta anymore. If I was Peeta they wouldn't have refused to live with me. They wouldn't refuse my money, or my help. They would smile accepting my offer, and laughing at my choices like we use to. But that would never happen again.

Katniss jolts me out of my muddled thoughts, bolting upright and yelling something I don't catch.

"What?" Finnick asks. Katniss is digging up the thing, a spile I think she called it, and cleaning out the dirt, then holding it to the light.

"It's a spile. Sort of like a faucet. You put it in a tree and sap comes out. Well, the right sort of tree that is," She explains to us.

"Sap?" Finnick cocks his head. District four isn't exactly known for their maple syrup, like District Twelve is. We'll, it's not famous, being it's illegal to get, but it's amazing when you can.

"To make syrup. But there must be something else inside these trees," I smile. We all jump up running to the biggest tree next to us. Finnick takes a rock and the spile and is about to hammer it in. But Katniss says we have to drill a hole first so we don't damage it. I take Mags awl and jam it in with as much force as I can into the tree. Then Finnick and me take turns breaking a hole into the tree. Katniss fits the spile into the tree and nothing happens at first. But a little drip falls out and Mags catches it in her palm.

We all adjust it, and finally get a thin stream going, and we all hold our heads under the tap, letting it drip on our heads and fall into our mouths. Mags brings a basket over, and it's so tightly woven it holds the water. We fill the basket, and put another one under it so we don't waste any of it. We pass the basket around, gulping it down, letting it run down out faces. Were all giddy, but then we crash. Were so tired, and we start preparing to rest.

I go and lay on the mat, knowing I won't be able to stand watch. I stay up a little waiting for Katniss but once I have my arm around her hips, I fall into a dreamless sleep.

And I'm lucky enough to wake to Katniss's screaming.


	20. Poison and Mutts

**I love my Beta. It's offical, i love him. From what he's helped we with this, he helped me get a better grade on an essay i had to write for English. So, I my love has now extended for him. :D Yeah for love! Lost Grey Soul=Bestest Beta EVER my BBE! W00t W00t!**

I jump up, but stumble a little. I'm not awake, in any way. I just want to sleep, I just want to not move, but if Katniss is screaming like_that…_nap times over. Katniss grabs my arm and starts sprinting, and I follow, trying not to trip. I don't understand it all and I keep asking, 'what is it? What is it?' over and over.

"Some kind of fog. Poisonous gas. Hurry, Peeta!" She almost shrieks. But I can only go so fast before I have the urge to vomit again, and I can't take a step without tripping. I want to push her forward, to make sure she's out of harm's way, but I know she won't allow it. At one point she releases my arm, and I think she'll bolt. But she just twines our fingers together.

"Watch my feet. Just try to step where I step," That actually helps a little. I don't trip as often, but I still trip over the bigger things. I realize half of the burning I feel, is from the fog. I can hear Finnick yelling, but it's not helping. And before long, I stumble forward, and fall flat onto the ground. I can't see out of my left eye, and I really don't want to know why.

I try standing and Katniss tries helping me up, but her arms are spazzing and my legs are twitching. My knees keep jerking up when I walk, and I can't go fast. But then I'm jerked forward and I see Finnick has come back to help. Katniss and him half carries me, and I feel so stupid and weak.

"It's no good. I'll have to carry him. Can you take Mags?" Finnick asks. I don't hear a reply before I'm thrown over Finnick's shoulder and he's running again. I luckily get to watch and make sure Katniss is ok the whole time, but I hate all of this.

I should be carrying Katniss, and Finnick could hold Mags. But I'm too weak to even run on my own. I'm such a failure. I feel Finnick trident keep hitting my leg. It hurts and I'm getting annoyed so I reach over and grab it. He says thanks and runs a little faster.

"You know, you should go and carry Mags, I'll manage," I growl at him.

"Peeta, do you think Katniss will be much help if you didn't make it out of here? You're the only reason we didn't kill each other today. So stop whining and shut up," Finnick growls back. He must just hate everything right now. I can't say I'd blame him, all of this, is horrid. My arms are still shaking and my legs are convulsing I think. Finnick's arms are twitching. I can feel them. And then I see Katniss fall. I tell Finnick and he turns running back. Katniss mumbles on about how she can't carry her anymore, asking if Finnick can carry us both. Katniss says she's sorry, and then something strange happens.

Mags gets up, goes up to Finnick, I think she kisses him. But then she –before anyone can stop her – runs into the fog. Her body convulses, jerks around, and the cannon fires. Finnick is running before the cannon fires, but I see it all anyway.

We just run, and then once were closer to the beach, Finnick collapses. I still lay over his back, but I can't move. Katniss falls on top of us after that and Finnick's trident digs into my chest. I can't make any sound though. My throat feels too thick. Katniss finally moves off of us, but I can't move.

The pain from that gas, and then from the electrocution, I'm in no shape to be breathing, let alone moving. I huff out strange breaths just making sure air is still in my body but the pain is almost worth stopping. The fog will get to us soon any ways. Katniss mumbles something, and then repeats herself more clearly.

"It stopped."

I turn my head and see the fog is being sucked up into a vacuum almost, just inside the jungle. I role off of Finnick, onto my back and Finnick roles onto his back as well. We all just lay there panting, and I notice something bright. It's orange, and seems to be moving. I realize what they are and let out an annoyed sigh as I gesture toward them vaguely.

"Monkey's," I mutter, but it doesn't sound like that's what I'm saying. We all just pant there, why move? It's hard to breath; the poison must have gotten into my lungs and was swelling my throat. But I don't know why

But water is needed or I'll scrub myself with something else. So I start crawling over to the water, and when I get there, I see the others followed. I fall and let the water hit my face. I would move but I've used up all my energy. But this _hurts!_ I move a little so I feel better, and then the whole right side of my face feels better. I move again so I can place my hand in the water. The pain is horrid, but when I pull it out, it feels amazingly better.

So I pull off my belt, my shoes, and slip off that ugly jump suit, which has been ripped up quite a bit. I take off my under shirt and throw it with everything else. I cover my legs first, watching the milky foam that seeped out of my legs. I rub the prosthetic; making sure the gas had no effect on it as well, for a good 5 minutes and then move to my arms. My chest burned, and I don't know if that's from the gas or from my heart stopping, but either way it feels better after I soak. I just lay there, my neck and lower under the water, putting off my face, which would be the hardest. But I take a lung full of air, dunking my head under until I can't hold it anymore, and then repeat until my face has stopped stinging. At one point I accidentally get some up my nose and snort that out and it feels better. So I gurgle it a few times, and then open my eyes under water. Now that was painful.

I look over and see that Katniss is helping detox Finnick. I walk over, cut off his jump suit, and he has no undershirt to worry about. We carry seashells filled with water and watch as the wisps of fog come out. He doesn't make much noise, every now and then moaning.

"We've got to get more of him into the water," Katniss mutters. I nod to Finnick's feet and we get up, grab a foot, and pull him into the water. We first just lay his ankles in, then his calves, knees, thighs, and so on. Finnick stares responding when we detox his knees. But when we get to his head, he's still in too much shock to speak.

"I'm going to tap a tree," Katniss says after Finnick is moving around a little more.

"Let me make the hole first. You stay with him, you're the healer," I smile at her. I pull out my knife not sure where the awl went, and head into the forest. I find a huge tree that I think would have a lot water in it. But for all I know the tree has nothing in it at all, and that would just be horrible. The water made my sore muscles feel a bit better, but I was still in minor pain, so I couldn't cut through the tree that fast. The bark on the tree is so thick; it takes me a while to just break through that. I pant a little because of the effort needed.

"Peeta? I need your help with something," Katniss calls to me.

"Okay, just a minute. I think I've just about got it," I jam the knife one more, opening a home about as thick as my thumb. "Yes, there! Have you got the spile?" I cut the hole a tiny bit better so it actually has smooth edges.

"I do. But we've found something you'd better take a look at. Only move toward us_quietly_, so you don't startle it," Katniss says in a strange voice. It's thought out, like she's hiding something. I turn, still panting and raise an eyebrow, tilting my head a little._Quietly_. She must really have something bad if I have been asked to be quiet.

"Okay," I say with a shrug and I carefully start walking toward them. I try as hard as I can to watch where I'm stepping so I'm not too loud. It's hard; I have to watch Katniss, and my feet, so I don't hurt myself by running into a tree. It's so quiet though, and I see Finnick's eyes keep flitting to the trees above my head. I quickly look up as well, to just see orange.

They're on me in less than a second. The monkey's I had seen earlier, claws, fangs, and all, were now trying to rip my throat out. I slashed them with my knife, and I can hear someone yell about mutts. I'm doing pretty well with keeping them off me, but one of the stupid things is clawing at my back. I can't get it off, so I just let it be, slashing at its friends. Someone kills the monkey that was on my back, and I see that Katniss and Finnick both have their back to me, forming a triangle.

As I cut into the mutts, I can only think of every curse I've ever heard. I bite my tongue so I don't actually start screaming them out, because_that_would impress my mother. Even though I'm going to die, I still think about what she would want from me. I shake my head a little and grumble quietly. I stab a creatures gut when I'm thrown back into reality.

"Peeta! Your arrows!" Katniss shrieks. I turn and see she's lost all of hers. I slide mine off, and it get's caught on my knife. I see Katniss chuck a knife and I'm guessing a monkey is coming to kill me. Well, hopefully I can get this off of me, so she has a weapon again. I yank at it again and I clamp my eyes shut so I don't see it. But I feel someone fall into me and I open my eyes at a horrible sight.

The morphling from 6 has appeared randomly in front of me. She has wrapped her arms around the monkey, and at the moment has sunk its fangs into her heart.


	21. Tick Tock

**Hello everyone! So i hae, slightly, bad news. I didn't pass a class last semester so i have to raise it to honor role (A's and B's on my report card) the end of the year or i can't go tov work or consule at amp over the summer, so i might not be on fequently, if i hae tons of homework, but i don't think that will effect us to much :D anyways, please Review Guys! **

I throw the arrows away from my body, and stab the monkey until it falls. I kick it away from myself, and move the morphling's body behind me so she doesn't get injured anymore. I'm panting out with rage and I hold out my knife ready to slash someone, may it have been a mutt or not.

"Come on, then! Come on!" I shout angrily. But the Gamemaker's have decided that it's not needed to kill us. They blend back into the jungle, backing away to the unknown safety that I will never know. I growl a little angered by all the crap they've put us through.

"Get her, we'll cover you," Katniss tells me gesturing to the morphling. I slip my knife into my belt and bend over and carefully pick her up. She stares up at me, her eyes glossy and wide. I walk her out, keeping eye contact with her the whole time, so she's never alone. I lay her gently onto the beach, and Katniss cuts the fabric from her chest.

Four deep punctures are in her chest. I wonder what was hit, because her ragged breathing and how her eyes look hollow, I know something vital was damaged. She reminds me of Katniss that day in the rain so long ago. Sickly, eyes glossy, counting every rib on her small form, and how she just looks ready for death to take her. Katniss has one of her hands, and I have the other. She seems to have all her strength in clutching my hand. The strength tears at me, because I would go to the camouflage station every day, sit with her and her partner, never speaking, just painting. I stroke the hair out of her face, and lean closer so she can hear me as I whisper into her ear.

"With my paint box back home, I can make every color imaginable. Pink. As pale as a baby's skin. Or as deep as rhubarb. Green like spring grass. Blue that shimmers like ice on water." She watches me, remembering every word. "One time, I spent three days mixing paint until I found the right shade for sunlight on white fur. You see, I kept thinking it was yellow, but it was much more that that. Layers of all sorts of color. One by one."

The morphling pulls her hand out of mine and presses her fingers into the blood pooling on her chest. Then makes the simple swirling motion that she loves to make.

"I haven't figured out a rainbow yet. They come so quickly and leave so soon. I never have enough time to capture them. Just a bit of blue here or purple there. And then they fade away again. Back into the air," I murmur. She lifts her trembling hand and paints something on to my cheek and looks to me for approval. "Thank you, that looks beautiful."

Her face lights up into a beautiful grin, and gives off a little squeal. But the squeal is cut off with a little gurgle, and her hand falls back to her chest. She gives off a huff and then a cannon fires. I pick her up again and wade into the water. I lay her body into it surf and then whisper one last thing before I head back in.

"I'll remember you, and you will star in my paintings." If when you die, it's like what I saw yesterday, I should be able to paint her all day. Thresh and Rue were there, maybe I'll get to see her again. I turn my back on her, and go sit next to Katniss on the beach. I say nothing. Just sit there, watching as the hovercraft comes and takes her away.

Finnick comes back, handing Katniss her arrows that she lost. Katniss gets up to go wash them, but I just stay there, not knowing what to do. I look back at the forest, and watch as the vines move. I brace for the monkeys to come back, but nothing. The monkey's bodies were gone. Me and Finnick exchange looks, but say nothing.

"Where did they go?" Katniss asks when she walks back up. I don't say anything, thinking that my voice would crack.

"We don't know exactly. The vines shifted and they were gone," Finnick says.

We all just sit there, not doing anything but panting loudly. Without really realizing it, I start scratching the scabs on my arms. They don't really hurt anymore, which is a given but they itch like crazy. I'm luckily not the only one, Finnick is scratching too.

"Don't scratch, you'll only bring infection. I think it's safe to try for the water again?" Katniss murmurs, fists clenched. We all get back up, walking over to the tree. I luckily hit a great spot because water gushes from it. We sit under it, letting it erase some of our itchiness. We take shells, fill them with water, and walk back to the beach. Finnick and Katniss fight for a while about who will stay up, but Finnick wins with his look of breaking down. Katniss comes over and lays next to me and I wrap my arm around her waist. I doze off instantly.

It's cool in my dream. More or less, it's cold as winter. Darkness is around me, but my arm is still rapped around some ones waist. I open my eyes and look around, and see Madge's thin body huddled next to mine. She has on only a thin white night dress and my t-shirt. I had the thickest pajama pants I had ever had on, but I still shiver a little.

I remember this night. It was when I was 15; me and Madge had been dating for a few months. It was her birthday and I had gone over for her party. I brought the cake, bought from my meager earning from work. A snowstorm had come right as I was going to leave, and they offered me a room. It was a guest room, but Madge had complained about being cold so I snuck into her room an hour later.

No, we didn't do anything, we just held onto each other tightly. I think the reaping was a week or so away, and we were both frightened. But I do remember how when I woke at a point I thought I heard Madge say Gale's name. I blew it off then, but it was one of my reasons from the break up a few months later.

I think of it now, and remember how Madge and Katniss were friends. Madge and I never really hung out during school, being she was in all different classes, but if I saw her in the hall I would say hello, kiss her cheek, something. But she would normally be in the bakery after school, so I never saw Katniss and Madge together. I wonder if that would have affected anything. If I would have said hello to Katniss sooner. Most likely not, being that she was Seam and I was Merchant. There was a thick line in between us.

"Peeta. Peeta, wake up," Katniss's soft voice sings into my ears. I open my eyes slowly, and then just about jump to my feet.

Katniss and Finnick had their faces pressed together, cheek to cheek, and they were covered in some green stuff. Covering the scabs, it looked like they had begun to decompose.

They fall back, laughing like a crazy person, and I try not to start laughing as well. I try to glare at them, my heart racing like the horses in 10. It takes them a while to calm themselves, but when they do, a parachute with a loaf of bread falls next to Finnick.

It's District 4's traditional Seaweed Bread. It's filled with salt and would be very good with the shellfish they've collected. Finnick paws it slightly over-possessive, and I could understand it. If you had lived as a Victor since you were 14, you probably had, had so many delicacies, that the traditional bread was forgotten. He must now just realize it could be the last time he eats it. Finnick mentions how it will be good with the fish, just like I guessed.

Katniss helps me coat my skin with the thick pine scented ointment. Finnick cleans out the fish as we do so, and then we have a feast. Well, maybe to Finnick it's just like normal, but since in 12 the closest fish you can get is expensive and illegal, it's amazing.

A wave erupts a little ways away, and starts filling up the beach. Finnick and Katniss start grabbing everything, and I do too, abandoning our ripped jumpsuits. We hide in the woods, on a hill so we don't lose everything to the water.

A cannon fires, and a hovercraft goes and removes the body a from near where the wave came from. We sit there and wait for the water to go down, and slowly follow it down. We start settling things on the wet sand, when Katniss whispers something. I follow her gaze carefully and see 3 stumbling figures. We fade back into the jungle, just as the monkeys did the night before.

I feel horrible for the things; I can't completely tell if they're human, because they look to be in horrible shape. One is being dragged; the other is wandering in circles. There covered in a rusty red color, as if they've been painted by someone with no skill with colors.

"Who is that? Or what? Mutations?" I ask quietly. Just as I ask, the one being dragged can't even bare that, and falls to the ground. The dragger goes into a tantrum, something I've seen Pepper do a few times, but instead of kicking and stomping, Pepper, would scream and punch. The dragger knocks the circling one to the ground with her little fit.

"Johanna!" Finnick calls delighted.

"Finnick!" Johanna yells back. Finnick has darted from our hiding spot, and I look over to Katniss.

"What now?" Katniss grumbles.

"We can't really leave Finnick," I shrug.

"Guess not. Come on, then," Katniss groans a little. We move from our spot, over to where Finnick and Johanna stand, and I look over to the other two on the ground. I can't make out who they are but then I her Katniss murmur, "She's got Wiress and Beetee,"

"Nuts and Volts? I gotta hear how this happened!" I say confused. As we walk a little closer I can hear Johanna's fast voice.

"We thought it was rain, you know, from the lightning, and we were all so thirsty. But when it started coming down, it turned out to be blood. Thick, hot blood. You couldn't see, you couldn't speak without getting a mouthful. We just staggered around, trying to get out of it. That's when Blight hit the force field." Johanna mumbled the last bit. Blight was her partner, but her never came to training.

"I'm sorry Johanna," Finnick says with real sympathy.

"Yeah, well, he wasn't much, but he was from home, and then he left me all alone with these two!" Johanna kicks Beetee, who gives a quiet moan, but otherwise unconscious. "He got a knife to the back at the Cornucopia. And her…"

We look over to Wiress, who has gotten up to continue her circling, murmuring, "Tick, tock. Tick, tock," Over and over.

"Yeah we know. Tick, tock. Nut's in shock," Johanna growls. Wiress just then runs into her, and is shoved to the ground. "Just stay down, will you!"

"Lay off her," Katniss snarls.

"Lay off her? Who do you think got them out of that bleeding jungle for you? You…" And Finnick decides to give Johanna a bath, by throwing her in and dunking her over and over.

"What did she mean? She got them for me?" Katniss asks watching Johanna scream curses at her.

"I don't know. You did want them originally," I remind her.

"Yeah, I did. Originally, but I won't have them long unless we do something," She mutters. I bend over and pick up Beetee's limp form, and go to the water. I hold Beetee up as Katniss rinses him off carefully. We have to strip all of his clothing off to get off the blood off, but once that's over we lay him on his stomach on the sand checking the gash on his back.

It goes from his shoulder blade down to his lower rib cage. It's not like the cut in my leg last year, not cutting into his bone. But like me, he has lost a ton of blood, even though he's covered in the stuff. Katniss gets up after a moment, and runs into the forest. She comes back with an armload of moss, which she places on Beetee's back and secures it with vines. We tilt his head back a little and get a little water down his throat, but we eventually just move him into the shade.

"I think that's all we can do," Katniss mumbles, sounding a little annoyed by this.

"It's good. You're good with this healing stuff, it_is_in your blood," I say with a smile.

"No, I got my father's blood," She says with a shake of the head. "I'm going to see about Wiress," She murmurs. I just sit next to Beetee, not sure what else to do really. Johanna comes over and then Finnick as well. Johanna eats as much as she can and Finnick explains everything, trying not to think about what he's saying. Katniss comes over after a moment, Wiress in hand.

We all offer to stay awake and guard, but I'm so tired, Finnick looks half dead, Katniss is always ready and Johanna can't sleep. So I fall asleep quickly, just listening to Katniss's breathing.


	22. JabberJays

**I believe I'm correct when I say Happy (early) Birthday Mellark's Heart! Yeah! I have no idea how old you are, but I'm going to say 14… :P ANYWAYS for your birthday I give you this and Zero :D But I get him on week days, and you get him on weekends and Holidays are another issue ****J So yess new chapter! AND I GOT TO WRITE ABOUT WIRESS AND BEETEE! YESSSS, **

**Oh and for you guys who want to know, I'm contemplating (after this is done) Doing an SYOT Hunger Games. Would you guys be interested in that? Please say yes XD I just really want to do one but I don't want to do one if no one will enter…. SO yeah PLEASE REVIEW And tell me what you think! Ok Bye-bye! Oh and yess new name. Acacia is my HG name that i use most of the time :)**

**EDIT-Ok i coudn't resist. i have a SYOT posted, just check my profile. Thanks GUYS!**

"Get up, get up! We have to move!" Katniss says as she shakes me awake. She's talking quickly, and I don't completely understand, but I do catch that Wiress has figured out the arena's a clock. And something about how were close to the next hour. Wiress is jolted upright and Katniss consoles her, telling her she was right. We gather things and when I go over to Beetee, I see he's awake. I bend over and try to pick him up, but he smacks me away.

"Wire," He says.

"She's right here, Wiress is fine. She's coming, too," I tell him, hoping to ease him.

"_Wire_," He repeats, slightly impatient.

"Oh I know what he wants," Johanna grumbles. She walks over to a thing covered in blood, a cylinder, and hands it to him. "This worthless thing. Some kind of wire or something. That's how he got cut, running up to the Cornucopia to get this. I don't know what kind of weapon it's supposed to be. I guess you could pull off a piece and use it as a garrote or something. But really, can you imagine Beetee garroting someone?" Johanna scoffs.

"He won his Games with wire. Setting up that electrical trap, it's the best weapon he could have," I say, surprised she didn't know that.

"Seems like you'd have figured that out. Since you nicknamed him Volts and all," Katniss says and I narrow my eyes.

"Yeah, that was really stupid of me wasn't it? I guess I must have been distracted by keeping you little friends alive. While you were what? Getting Mags killed off?" Katniss's hand falls to her knife. "Go ahead. Try it. I don't care if you're knocked up, I'll rip your throat out," Johanna growls with a smile. Before I can step between them, Finnick breaks in.

"Maybe we all had better be careful where we step," He says, taking the coil and setting in on Beetee's huffing chest. "There's your wire, Volts. Watch where you plug it."

I pick up Beetee, and ask where we're going. Finnick asks to go to the Cornucopia, and no one resists. We start walking as quietly as we can back to the golden horn. I don't think I'm the only one that's worried about Careers, but when we get there, it's completely empty. I set Beetee in the shade of the Cornucopia.

"Wiress, come please," Beetee calls out. She wanders over and falls to her knees beside him. "Clean it, will you?" He asks pulling out the wire and handing to her. Her face lights up into a grin, happy to do something useful I think, and runs over to the water and starts singing about mice.

"Oh, not that song again! That went on for hours before the tick-tocking," Johanna groans. Wiress stands quickly and whips around, pointing to a spot.

"Two," She calls out. I look over and see the fog has started in the forest again, but only staying in a certain part.

"Yes, look, Wiress is right. It's two o'clock and the fog has started," Katniss says.

"Like clockwork," I smile at Wiress, "You were very smart to figure that out, Wiress."

"Oh she's more than smart," Beetee says and when I see him watching her for a moment, I see lightness in his eyes. "She's intuitive, she can sense things before anyone else. Like a canary in one of your coal mines." The canaries, it's been a while sense I've heard about them. Being a baker's son, I've never had to worry about working in the mines, but I still learn all I can about them.

"What's that?" Finnick asks Katniss.

"It's a bird that we take down into the mines to warn us if there's bad air," Katniss says with a shrug.

"What's it do, die?" Johanna asks.

"It stops singing first. That's when you should get out. But if the air's too bad, it dies, yes. And so do you," Katniss says, but doesn't say anything else. I bet it reminds her of Rue, the little songbird that helped her in the arena. I sigh and sit in the sun. Here in this arena we have no safety.

In the first Game, I watched the sky every night, hoping to see faces there, but also hoping there was none. I hoped for faces, so Katniss would get closer and closer to home, but I hated that they were all dead. Those were people I never knew, never saw their life, and defiantly had never spoken too.

But as I look around, at Finnick looking for another trident, Johanna finding axes, and Katniss looking for arrows, I don't know how I could hurt any of them. Finnick saved my life, and Johanna seems to be trying to help us. Wiress has warned us, and Beetee…well he's Beetee.

I shake my head, stand back up and go over to a tree ripping off a leaf. I crouch down and start carefully drawing on the leaf with my knife. It's simple to draw, a circle and then a larger circle around it. Cutting it into 12 sections, I put another even smaller circle inside the one that represents the sand line to show the water. I put a mark in the center of it all to show the Cornucopia. Katniss leans against my shoulders, watching me work on the map.

"Look how the Cornucopia's positioned," I ask to her.

"The tail points toward twelve o'clock," She says and I nod.

"Right, so this is the top of our clock," I say, writing one through twelve around our clock. "Twelve to one is the lightning zone," I murmur, printing carefully lightning in the 12-1 o'clock wedge. I continue with this, adding blood, fog, and monkey's.

"And ten to eleven is the wave," Katniss reminds me, and I put that in as well. Finnick and Johanna come over with new weapons looking over my work.

"Did you notice anything unusual in the others?" Katniss asks Johanna and Beetee. But neither of them saw much beside blood. "Then I guess they could hold anything."

"I'm going to mark the ones where we know the Gamemakers' weapon follows us out past the jungle so we'll stay clear of those," I say, putting diagonal lines in the wave and the fog. "Well, it's a lot more than we knew this morning, anyway."

They nod, and no one speaks. All we hear is the sound of the jungle, and the thick breeze.

Our canary has gone silent.

Katniss is up, loaded bow, and it's in Gloss's temple in an instant. Wiress's body slumps into the water, the blood running out of her slit throat.

"Wiress…" Beetee mutters eyes wide, slightly reaching out. His hand drops, he eyes clench shut, and he removes his glasses. He sits there like that for a moment then puts them back on, as if nothing happened. I come back to reality, and see that Cashmere is down as well, and see Brutus coming at me. I pull up my knife, and he throws his spear, but Finnick blocks it, getting a knife to the leg. The cannon's fire, and we start chasing after Brutus and Enobaria. But the ground lurches and we fall to the ground. The ground starts spinning, like the tops I played with when I was younger. Around and around. I stab my knife into the ground, clutching its handle, hoping I don't go flying anywhere. I'm holding down any food in my system when we stop.

I sit up coughing and trying to stop everything from spinning. I see Johanna and Finnick standing and Katniss sitting up, but I look around and something's missing.

"Where's Volts?" Johanna asks before I can ask. We're all up looking around, and see him out in the water, Finnick dives in to get him.

"Cover me," I hear Katniss say and I see her diving into the water again. I look around, confused at what she was doing, but she swims as fast as she can to Wiress's body. Johanna and Finnick don't seem to get it either, but we make sure no one goes after her. She gets back to us and I see what she grabbed. The wire. She lays it on Beetee's lap, and he pulls at the wire, running the hair thin gold wire through his fingers. He stares at it, pushing his glasses so they're higher on his nose, hiding his glossy eyes as he, most likely, thinks of Wiress.

Katniss walks over to me and wraps her arms around me, and I hold her tightly. Beetee unzips his jumpsuit removes his undershirt and hands it to Finnick to cover his wound. Katniss helps Beetee up and Finnick, Johanna and I start walking in different directions, each of us planning to go to the 12 o'clock section.

"Twelve o'clock right? The tail points at twelve," I say pointing at the tail.

"Before they spun us. I was judging by the sun," Finnick say gesturing to the sun.

"The suns only going to tell you it's going on four, Finnick," Katniss reminds him.

"I think Katniss's point is knowing the time doesn't mean you necessarily know where four is on the clock. You might have a general idea of direction. Unless you consider that they may have shifted the outer ring of the jungle as well," Beetee points out. I hide my chuckle because I bet Katniss was just saying it because of an entirely different reason.

"Yes, so any one of these paths could lead to twelve o'clock," Katniss tells us. We start brainstorming ways to do it, but they're all dead ends. "I should have never mentioned the clock. Now they've taken that advantage away as well," Katniss pouts.

"Only temporarily, at ten, we'll see the wave again and be back on track," Beetee comforts easily. I wonder how he got on from losing Wiress so easily. I wonder how he'll sleep tonight. I wonder how he'll even_sleep_.

"Yeah, they can't redesign the whole arena," I say with a gentle smile.

"It doesn't matter, you had to tell us or we never would have moved our camp in the first place, brainless. Come on, I need water. Anyone got a good gut feeling?" We pick a random path, and then when we get to the jungle I look in it for a moment.

"Well it must be monkey hour, and I don't see any of them in there. I'm going to try to tap a tree," I say.

"No it's my turn," Finnick argues.

"I'll at least watch your back," I offer.

"Katniss can do that, we need you to make another map. The other washed away," Johanna shoves a leaf at me. I nod cautiously and start making the map again, slightly worried.

Why are they splitting us up? What's the point really? I could take out Johanna in a moment and Katniss will have the upper hand on Finnick. But I should be in the forest with Finnick in case something happens. I feel like I'm being babied and I hate it. When I was younger I never was really babied, being who my mother was. I'm not saying she wasn't kind, but she never held you if you hurt yourself, she told you to tough up.

I hated being the babied one now, the one that was always the center of worry. I grumble as I remake the map and Johanna leans over my back to watch me draw. I would shrug her off, but I feel the ax pressed between us and guess that that's the safest place for it. I finish and lean back a little, Johanna pulling the leave from my hands.

I hear a scream, and I jump up. It's filled with so much pain, so much suffering and I think its Katniss. But then I realize it wasn't even Katniss's voice. It was only so close, that I still started running in its direction. I know Katniss is running because the voice is so innocent.

I'm running into the unknown looking for Primrose Everdeen.


	23. A Heart To Hold

**~Hey Peeps! So here's Chapter 23! Yay! Oh and people, please go to my SYOT and submit tributes! It would mean SOOO much and most of the spots are open except 4, 10, and 12 are full, but the others are open. It's Called 'The 28th Hunger Games-Shattered' And please, 3 review before the next chapter is posted, ok? Thanks again, Bye!~**

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><p>I'm sprinting like an idiot, hearing Katniss screaming for Prim. I trip over branches and cut myself on the vines. Johanna is right behind me, panting loudly. Sweat pours off of me, and don't really know what's going on anymore. I don't hear them anymore. Their screaming or anything. I start walking and I see Beetee kept up with us, panting harshly, sweat pouring off of all of us. We all turn and start going back to the beach knowing that's where the others would go. I run my hand along the trees when my hand hits it.<p>

It's smooth and hard, and as I push on it, it never budges. I walk on rubbing my hand on it, and it turns when we get to the beach. It covers the section completely. I press against it, ram my shoulder into it repeatedly, but nothing happens. I see Katniss and Finnick, both looking frightened as ever. I press my hands to it, and start talking.

"Katniss? Are you ok? Can you get through this stupid thing?" I bang my fist on it. Katniss glares at me for a minute but then understanding. "Beetee? What it this thing?" I growl.

"It's a trap. There locked in there until the hours up. What was it that you heard?" Beetee says.

"Prim screaming," I tell him not moving from my spot.

"We didn't hear anything else. We can't even talk to them," Beetee says sadly. Finnick and Katniss ram right into the force field. Finnick's nose gushes out blood and Katniss rubs her shoulder.

"This will be a long hour," I groan.

"If we don't get them out that is," Johanna speaks up. We start slashing at the bearer but it doesn't even crack. I press my hand back onto it, and Katniss presses her hand to mine.

"Katniss you'll be alright, we'll get you out. And if you don't I won't move from this spot until you're out, ok?" I know she can't hear me, but I need to say it. She stares at me, her eyes wide with fright. I see the birds start perching everywhere and see their beaks open up. Finnick curls into a ball, his fists digging into his ears and temples as if he's trying to kill himself. Katniss starts shooting the birds, but more come to replace them. She eventually just curls up next to Finnick. I drop my head into my hands.

"Your not being tortured, brainless," Johanna scoffs at me.

"Seeing her suffer is worse. I should be in there, not Finnick or her. I deserve it, I deserve to suffer," I snarl.

"For what?" Johanna barks.

"Everything. Putting Katniss through this again. If I had eaten those berries, Katniss would be safe. This would be a different quell. If I had just been silent about my love, than she would be a victor and be at home mentoring. I was to selfish though, and wanted her for myself," I grumble on. I had always taken hits for my brothers. I was the barer of pain. I was so selfish, wanting Katniss like this. Stupid.

"It's sad you've been forced to think like that," Beetee says. I sit up and lean against the force field. When it disappears, I fall a little, and then quickly stand. Katniss is still in a ball, and Johanna goes and starts stroking Finnick's hair gently. I go over and pick Katniss up; she doesn't budge from her tight ball so I go sit down away from that dreaded place, resting her in my lap. I rock her gently, like I would when Pepper got scared.

"Katniss it's ok now. I'm here, your safe. No one's hurt, we're all safe. Everyone's safe._Your_safe, Katniss," I whisper over and over until she starts loosening herself. But she's shaking like an earthquake.

"It's all right Katniss," I whisper again.

"You didn't hear them," Katniss shakes back.

"I heard Prim. Right in the beginning. But it wasn't her, it was a jabberjay," I remind her

"It was her. Somewhere. The jabberjay just recorded it," Katniss says.

"No that's what they want you to think. The same way I wondered if Glimmer's eyes were in that mutt last year. But those weren't Glimmer's eyes. And that wasn't Prim's voice. Or if it was, they took from an interview or something and distorted the sound. Made it say whatever she was saying," I console.

"No, they were torturing her, she's probably dead," She sniffles.

"Katniss, Prim isn't dead. How could they kill Prim? We're almost down to the final eight of us. And what happens then?" I say gently.

"Seven more of us die," Katniss says pitifully.

"No, back home. What happens when they reach the final eight tributes in the Games?" I lift her chin lightly so she looks at me. I stare into her misty grey eyes until they look into mine. "What happens at the final eight?"

"At the final eight? They interview your family and friends back home," She says. I give a gentle smile.

"That's right, they interview your family and friends. And can they do that if they've killed them all?" I ask her.

"No?" She questions, not fully sure.

"No. That's how we know Prim's alive. She'll be the first one they interview, won't she?" I ask her. Her eyes flicker worriedly. "First Prim. Then your mother. Your cousin, Gale. Madge. It was a trick, Katniss. A horrible one. But we're the only ones who can be hurt by it. We're the ones in the Games. Not them," I say gently.

"You really believe that?" She asks.

"I really do," I say. I look at Finnick and he seems stuck on every word. I have always been a good liar, always having to come up with excuses for the bruises that never left my body. But when I told the truth, it was always harder to make it sound so reasonable.

"Do you believe it, Finnick?" Katniss asks him.

"It could be true. I don't know, could they do that, Beetee? Take someone's regular voice and make it…" He shutters.

"Oh, yes. It's not even that difficult, Finnick. Our children learn a similar technique in school," Beetee explains.

"Of course Peeta's right. The whole country_adores_Katniss's little sister. If they really killed her like this, they'd probably have an uprising on their hands," Johanna growls out. "Don't want that, do they?" She shouts into the sky. "Whole country in rebellion? Wouldn't want anything like that!"

Katniss's mouth drops open, and I just stare. Johanna must really have a death sentence. This will never make it on air, but I know one thing. I can't think of Johanna as the little tribute from Seven who might be insane. She has gained so much respect in her rant, I realize I owe her for saying what I never had the guts too.

"I'm getting water," She growls.

"Don't go in there. The birds-" Katniss starts to plead.

"They can't hurt me. I'm not like the rest of you. There's no one left I love," And then she walks back into the forest. And now I feel like I owe her. Something, anything, because no one else seems to care. In Seven, I wonder what she must do, alone all day. I vow to pay her back, for…something. Finnick dives into the water, probably to play pretend like I did back in the arena so long ago.

"Who did they use against Finnick?" I whisper into Katniss's ear.

"Somebody named Annie," She replies in the same low tone.

"Must be Annie Cresta," I murmur.

"Who?" She asks.

"Annie Cresta. She was the girl Mags volunteered for. She won about five years ago," I mutter the random facts I know about her.

"I don't remember those Games much, was that the earthquake year?" Katniss asks me.

"Yeah. Annie's the one who went mad when her district partner got beheaded. Ran off by herself and hid. But an earthquake broke a dam and most of the arena got flooded. She won because she was the best swimmer," I mumble.

"Did she get better after? I mean, her mind?" She asks looking up at me.

"I don't know. I don't remember ever seeing her at the Games again. But she didn't look to stable during the reaping this year," I say, thinking back. I lean my head on top of Katniss's and am jolted from my serenity by the blast of a cannon. I see the hovercraft go and pick up 5 or so body parts in the 6-7 o'clock wedge.

I make a new map, adding the jabberjays and writing beast in the area the body was picked up from. Finnick weaves another basket and a net to fish. Katniss and him clean fish that he catches and I help Johanna with water. I look up when the anthem starts up. I see the faces I already knew would be there, and a few others.

Cashmere, Gloss, Wiress, Mags, District 5 woman, The Morphling who saved me, the guy from 10. I hear the remark about them burning through us. I hear someone else ask whose left.

"Chaff," I murmur easily. I think about it and wonder how he's doing without any alcohol. He probably isn't that pleasant. A parachute falls in front of us, and it has bite-size roles in it. "These are from your district, right, Beetee?" I confirm.

"Yes, from District Three. How many are there?" He asks leaning forward.

"Twenty-four," Finnick says after counting them carefully.

"An even two dozen, then?" Beetee asks.

"Twenty-four on the nose. How should be divide them?" Finnick asks.

"Let's each have three, and whoever is still alive at breakfast can take a vote on the rest," Johanna offers. Katniss laughs suddenly, and I look at her with confusion. I see Beetee mouth 'hormones' and I shrug. We eat and then just sit around until the wave floods out and then head there so we'll have some peace. We hear a loud clicking sound in the 11-12 o'clock wedge, and we decide we don't need to know.

Katniss and I offer first watch, but it's not because the others need more rest. I need to talk to Katniss and figure this all out. Because I am not going to end this like last time, but this time we wont be able to pull out berries and save ourselves. We sit back to back, me watching the jungle and her watching the water. She leans her head on my shoulder, and I tug at her hear lightly.

"Katniss, it's no use pretending we don't know what the other one is trying to do," I say quietly. "I don't know what kind of deal you think you've made with Haymitch, but you should know he made me promises as well." I say this, but it means one thing. Haymitch lied to one of us, and I have a slight feeling that it wasn't Katniss. "So I think we can assume he was lying to one of us."

"Why are you saying this now," Katniss says looking into my eyes harshly.

"Because I don't want you forgetting how different our circumstances are. If you die, and I live, there's no life for me at all back in District Twelve. You're my whole life," I whisper to her, she tries to say something but I press my fingers to her lips. "It's different for you. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard. But there are other people who'd make your life worth living," And that damn Gale is one of them. I pull the chain from around my neck and slip my nail under a catch in the disk like Portia showed me and it pops open. Her face falls as she sees her closest family members, probably having heard their screaming this afternoon.

"Your family needs you Katniss," I whisper. She reaches up and holds the locket in the moon light. She rubs her finger over Gale's face and I know she's realizing what my plan has been since I was informed of these Games.

I had always planned on Gale winning. Me losing in the worst of ways.

"No one really needs me," I remind her. My family will mourn me, some people more than others, but they will get over it. They'll have too, and anyways, in their minds, I'm not even really Peeta.

"I do," Katniss says looking into my eyes again. "I need you." No. No she can't. This is fake to her, she can't need me. She just_can't_. I let out a sigh and look at her with sad eyes. But before I can say anything, she's kissing me.

My chest pounds, the same way the old kisses used to make it pound. My lips warm up, my cheeks redden, my body leans in. I_want_her, more than I have in months. We kiss, not braking until the lightning hits the tree. Finnick sits up with a piercing cry, and offers to watch for both of us. I won't let him, and I won't be able to sleep with the buzz the kiss has left me with. I lead Katniss over to the others, lay her down, and slip the locket around her neck. I rest my hand on her stomach, right where a baby would be.

"You're going to make a great mother, you know" And then I kiss her forehead and walk back to Finnick. I sit next to him, watching the jungle like before. But this time my mind in spinning with images.

Gale giving her his heart. A little black haired boy and girl running around in a field. Gale holding her, Gale protecting her. Katniss being happy again, but like Annie Cresta, broken and insane. I see all this but I don't see one thing. Katniss realizing that she had my heart the whole entire time.


	24. Heart of a Pearl

**So hello again! Yes a new chapter is up! Yay! be proud of me! I have been addicted to to the song Girl on Fire and Drop in the ocean, both AMAZING SONGS! Go listen to them. Oh and i still need Career's for my SYOT to PLEASE go and sign up! It takes like 10 minutes, not even. Thanks again guy for all the reviews and support. 2 more chapters until this ones over and then we go to "The Boy With The What?" which is the title for Mockingjay in Peeta's POV :) so i hope you enjoy, and PLEASE review!**

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><p>Johanna switches with me at a point in the night, and I fall asleep next to Katniss instantly. But I wake when I see Katniss getting her head cut off by insects with long pinchers. I get up maybe 6 hours after I went to sleep, and start helping the others. Johanna goes to wake Katniss, but I grab her arm.<p>

"No, let her sleep," I tell her.

"Why should we?" She asks with a glare.

"Because right now, she isn't thinking of death, and pain, and hurt. Right now, she isn't screaming. She's probably back in District 12 with her cousin," I say with a glare. I choke a little on the last part, but cover it up. She shakes her arm away from me and walks back to where Finnick is. He's pointing at something, and I see it's another parachute. Katniss must have woken up cause she leans on my arm as she watches it fall. When Johanna grabs it and comes back, she shoots me a glance that proves is full of crap. I hold back the urge to stick my tongue out at her. I count the rolls and it's 24 again. We each take 5, knowing that if there's one more death, it will be equal.

I plop to the ground and Katniss leans on me to eat. I watch her, knowing time is running out, and I want to memorize every little thing.

How her hair isn't black, but a deep brown that is so close to black, you can only tell when the light bounces off of it just right. How she blows the little pieces of her hair that fall in front of her face with a loud huff before swiping them of her face. How she eats the bread delicately, trying to savor every little bite. She eventually looks up at me when she's done and takes my hand in hers.

"Come on. I'll teach you how to swim," She says with a smile. I agree, letting her take me to the water. She hooks the belt around my waist and shows me a basic stoke. I watch her do it for a while and then I try, swimming back and forth. Katniss stops me at a point and shows me how to get off the remaining scabs.

"Look," Katniss murmurs under her breath. "The pool is down to eight. I think it's time we took off."

I nod. I think about it. Katniss would be safer in the group, but only for so long. Once I was dead, she would need to run, and run fast so they wouldn't hurt her. The lower the numbers the more annoyed Johanna would get. The more Finnick would want to go home to Annie. The more Beetee would want to morn over Wiress.

"Tell you what, let's stick around until Brutus and Enobaria are dead. I think Beetee's trying to put something together, some kind of trap for them now. Then, I promise, we'll go," she doesn't really seem to like the plan, but she nods.

"Hey Finnick, come on out!" She shouts, "We figured out how to make you pretty again!" He runs over us like we offered him a free ticket out of here. We help each other remove the scabs from our backs. We put the ointment back on, so the fresh pink skin doesn't get to burned. Beetee calls us over and I notice his eyes look a little red. Thinking of Wiress I'm guessing.

"I think we agree that our next job is to kill Brutus and Enobaria, I doubt they'll attack us openly again, now that they're so outnumbered. We could track them down I suppose, but its dangerous, exhausting work," Beetee explains, rubbing the wire in between his fingers.

"Do you think they've figured out about the clock?" Katniss asks.

"If they haven't, they'll figure it out soon enough. Perhaps not as specifically as we have. But they must know that at least some of the zones are wired for attacks and that they're reoccurring in a circular fashion. Also, the fact that our last fight was cut off by Gamemaker intervention will not have gone unnoticed by them. We know it was an attempt to disorient us, but they must be asking themselves why it was done, and this, too, may lead to them realizing the arenas a clock. So I think our best bet will be setting our own trap," Beetee tells us.

"Wait let me get Johanna up, she'll be rabid if she thinks she missed something this important," Finnick says, hopping up to go get her.

"Or not," I hear Katniss mumble only loud enough for me to hear. I let a small smirk cross my face. She walks over punching Finnick's arm, and rubbing her eyes. We scoot back a little as Beetee draws a blueprint. He draws a circle and cuts it into the wedges. I want to fix it but I sit on my hands not to interrupt his thinking.

"If you were Brutus and Enobaria knowing what you do now about the jungle, where would you feel safest?" Beetee sounds like a teacher, asking us what the answer is to a simple equation.

I wonder if before his Games, or maybe even after them, he wished to teach. I had used to want that, being I loved being around kids. They were so naive, and when they spoke, they had the most interesting ideas. Pepper's little blabbering has given more than one idea for paintings that turned out amazing.

I go back to thinking of the question and answer it simply. "Where we are now. On the beach, it's the safest place."

"So why aren't they on the beach?" Beetee asks us in the same tone.

"Because we're here," Johanna growls.

"Exactly. We're here, claiming the beach. Now where would you go?" Now Katniss answers.

"I'd hide just at the edge of the jungle. So I could escape when an attack came. I could also be able spy on us."

"Also to eat, the jungle is full of strange creatures and plants. But by watching us, I'd know the seafood is safe," Finnick says. Beetee gives the smile that a teacher would give a struggling student after he finished a problem

"Yes, good. You do see. Now here's what I propose: a twelve o'clock strike. What happens exactly at noon and at midnight?" Beetee asks us.

"The lightning bolt hits the tree," Katniss says.

"Yes. So what I'm suggesting is that after the bolt hits at noon, but before it hits at midnight, we run my wire from that tree all the way down into the saltwater, which is, of course, highly conductive. When the bolt strikes, the electricity will travel down the wire and into not only the water, but also the surrounding beach, which will still be damp from the ten o'clock wave. Anyone in contact with those surfaces at that moment will be electrocuted," Beetee explains. This plan is similar to the one he used to kill off the remaining tributes in his Game. But this is so much worse. This will kill more people, and will destroy all of our food. This is when Katniss and I will need to run.

"Will that wire really be able to conduct that much power, Beetee? It looks so fragile, like it would just burn up," I say, realizing we need this to work if we wish to run.

"Oh it will. But not until the current has passed through it. It will act like a fuse, in fact. Except the electricity will travel along it," Beetee says, pushing away my doubt.

"How do you know?" Johanna holds back another growl.

"Because I invented it," Beetee says with a little bit of shock. "It's not actually wire in the usual sense. Nor is the lighting natural lightning or the tree a real tree. You know tree's better than any of us Johanna. It would be destroyed by now wouldn't it?"

"Yes," she mumbles.

"Don't worry about the wire-it will do just what I say," Beetee says with a smile.

"And where will we be when this happens?" Finnick asks with a little bit of worry.

"Far enough up in the jungle to be safe," Beetee replies.

"The Careers will be safe, too, then, unless they're in the vicinity of the water," Katniss points out.

"That's right," Beetee nods.

"But all the seafood will be cooked," I say, thinking about it.

"Probably more than cooked, we will most likely be elimination that as a food source for good. But you found other edible things in the jungle, right, Katniss?" Beetee confirms.

"Yes. Nuts and rats. And we have sponsors," Katniss reminds us.

"Well, then. I don't see that as a problem," Beetee smiles again. "But as we are allies and this will require all our efforts, the decision of whether or not to attempt it is up to you four." I hold back my smirk. He is such a teacher.

"Why not? If it fails, there's no harm done. If it works, there's a decent chance we'll kill them." Katniss says with a shrug. "And even if we don't and just kill the seafood, Brutus and Enobaria lose it as a food source, too."

"I say we try it," I shrug. "Katniss_is_right."

Finnick looks at Johanna, waiting for her verdict before he answers. "All right!" Johanna groans out. "It's better than hunting them down in the jungle, anyway. And I doubt they'll figure out our plan, since we can barely understand it ourselves."

We needed to leave the beach soon anyway. We gather the little things we would need from our camp and then start heading into the forest. Beetee wanted to inspect the tree before he has to use it, but he's too weak to walk all the way. In the end, Finnick and I take turns carrying him. While I'm carrying Beetee, Finnick suggests that Katniss and Johanna switch places. He explains that Katniss can hear it, and Beetee raises his eyebrows at it. He must know something we don't. When we get there, Katniss just warns us to stay south of the lightning tree to be safe.

I start gathering nuts while Johanna taps for water. Katniss goes off to hunt and comes back with 3 of those tree rats, which I am put in charge of cooking. I sear the nuts and cubes of rat. At one point I see a piece of bark get thrown into the force field. I look back and see Beetee mumbling about that making sense and Katniss and I both hold back laughter.

We hear the clicking again, but it's so much louder. It's insects, we decide, with pinchers, and none of us want to meet it face to face. We move out of that sector, in case the insects move, and have a picnic in the blood rain sector.

Beetee makes Katniss climb up a tree to watch the lightning strike, which she explains in so many none scientific terms, that I'm surprised Beetee understands what she means. We move back to the beach, and we decide to feast on the seafood. I help gather the shellfish and gut the fish. I also clean the oysters, which Katniss gathers. Finnick, Katniss and I then clean out the oysters.

I cut my hand a little bit from failed attempts at opening the stupid things. Finnick helps, but he does it so fluidly, it's hard to master it the right way. At one point, I bust open one of them and start laughing. In between my thumb and fore finger, I hold a perfect pearl.

"Hey look at this!" I call to everyone. "You know if you put enough pressure on coal it turns to pearls!" I say to Finnick, in the same tone I use to persuade people.

"No, it doesn't," Finnick says to me like I'm a moron. But Katniss bursts into a laughter, and I do as well. I never thought I would, but I miss Effie Trinket. I rinse the pearl off and sit next to Katniss again, slipping the pearl into her hand.

"For you," I say with a smile. She examines the pearl carefully.

"Thanks," She says, and then stares up at me. Her eyes are growing sad.

"The locket didn't work, did it?" I say with a sigh. I don't care everyone can hear me, what do I have to hide? "Katniss?"

"It worked," She says.

"But not the way I wanted it to," I sigh again. I go back to cleaning the oysters, not finding another pearl. A parachute falls, containing 24 more rolls and a little pot of red sauce. We each take five rolls, which leaves only 7. That can't be divided equally. It never will be.

The fish is delicious, salty on my tongue. The oysters are good too, the red sauce making them so much better. We eat until we can't eat another bite, and then we still have some to throw back into the ocean. We just sit and wait now. I sit next to Katniss close to the water, watching the sun lower and the ocean lap at our feet.

I think about our day, how it all is starting to fall into its place. Katniss and I are fighting each other so the other lives. I just hope that after all of this, Katniss will keep the pearl, and remember everything I did for her.


	25. Pure Chaos

***PLEASE READ!***

**Hey guys, what's up? So yeah, this is the last chapter of The Boy Who Lost It All! But don't fret, because there will be another one out, and it's called The Boy with What? And that should be out later this week. There will be an epilogue to this, and it will have more information about the next book, and will also have a link to it So,**** yeah, thank you guys for all the support and reviews. It means so much to me! So until next time, here is the final Chapter of 'The Boy Who Lost it All,' **

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><p>When the anthem play's, there are no faces. I hope we have another hour or so of peace, but it's almost too much to hope for. My gut has a strange knot in it, and I wonder if it's because I am so close to death. Or it's from all the food we ate. We leave the camp soon after that, heading back up to the lightning tree soon after. Beetee and Finnick secure the wire, and then start wrapping it around the tree.<p>

Beetee's side has a strange pattern starting, and I have to wonder if it's strange to want to draw it. I shake my head, and wipe my knife on the edge of my swim trunks. We hear the wave crashing when they finish wrapping the tree up.

Beetee gathers us together, and tells us the rest of the plan. Johanna and Katniss will go off, taking the wire down through the jungle to the beach. If they move quickly, they would make it in time, to drop the spool into the water and get back to us in time.

"I want to go with them as a guard," I say instantly.

"You're too slow. Besides, I'll need you at this end. Katniss will guard," I open my mouth to argue. "There's no time to debate this! I'm sorry. If the girls are to get out of there alive, they need to move. Now."

And with that he hands Johanna the coil. He doesn't even look at me, but goes back to fiddling with a loose end of the wire.

"It's okay," She says resting her hand on my cheek. "We'll just drop the coil and come straight back up."

"Not into the lightning zone head for the tree in the one-to-two-o'clock sector. If you find you are running out of time, move over one more. Don't even think about going back on the beach, though, until I can assess the damage," Beetee reminds them.

"Don't worry. I'll see you at midnight," She murmurs and kisses me. She pulls her hand off my cheek but I catch it and press one more kiss to her knuckle. Like I did so long ago in our first Game. She turns to Johanna with a nod and they dart off. I run my hand through my hair roughly, yanking at it, annoyed with myself.

"Calm down, Lover boy, don't worry she'll be back," Finnick smirks. I turn and glare harshly at him. I clench the end of my knife; remembering the last person to call me that wanted me dead.

"Finnick, stop harassing the boy, we don't have much time left any way," Beetee mumbles out. I glance up, not understanding.

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

"Should we tell him? What if…" Finnick trails, glancing around. I do as well but see nothing.

"Well, we'll need to soon, but…" Again, Beetee trails off.

"What the hell guys, just tell me what's going on!" I exclaim. They exchange a glance for a moment.

"We have to very careful right now, Peeta. Please just trust us. You won't have to worry much longer," Beetee says. Worry. Katniss.

"What did you do to her? Is Johanna…?" I start backing away from the two of them, my hand tight around my knife.

"Oh, Peeta, please. We would never do that! But we need to be very careful. We can't explain more," Finnick says.

"What are you planning Odair?" I growl out, holding up my knife.

"Nothing! Please Peeta," But I turn my back to them, darting into the jungle.

"Katniss!" I shout out, bursting through the foliage. I call her name a few times, but then silence myself, worried that others might be looking for her too. I lose my knife as I run, but I don't care. I dive into the brush when I see Johanna running back up the slope, blood on her shirt and face. No. I get up once she's gone and start running franticly toward where she just came from. I hear people, but the voices are deep, unlike the light voice that is Katniss.

"What are you saying, Chaff? What do you expect? I won once, I'll win again," Brutus's voice says evilly. I crouch to the ground and peak through the bushes and watch. Chaff has a large cut on his good arm and it's bleeding heavily. Brutus is holding onto a knife and Enobaria is walking into the jungle. Brutus's eyes are dilated and he looks like he's gone insane.

"Bye, bye, Eleven," And he shoves the knife deep into Chaff's chest. He makes no move to fight. He doesn't scream or move. He just falls limp to the ground. The canon booms. He's dead.

I burst from my spot, anger fueling me, as a ram my shoulder into Brutus. He's knocked off balance, but doesn't fall over. I try to grab a rock, trying to smash his skull. But he catches my arm first, and I fall back. His knife clashes onto the rock I'm holding, hard, and he moves so he's almost sitting on me. I would have the upper hand, but with a knife pressed hard close to my throat, and the only way I could kill him would be to move so I could grab his knife from his hand. However, right now it's just barely an inch from cutting my windpipe.

Lucky for me, he starts getting cocky, loosening his grip on the knife, taunting me. I wait, pretending to give up, until he is barely holding the knife. I thrust my hand up, cutting my palm, as hard as I can. I hold onto the actual sharp metal for a moment, but then flip it over shoving it into his throat. . He lets out a loud yowl, but it cuts off to a gurgling sound. He falls off of me, clutching his throat, and I role over, digging my knife into his chest. A canon doesn't go off for 5 minutes. But finally one does. I stand, stumbling around and huffing. My chest hurts.

I just killed someone. I didn't even think about it. Just killed them. Not even quickly, I made them suffer. I start huffing even louder, scrambling to get away from the bloodied body. I see he has bite marks on his ankle. Maybe he was insane. Maybe I did him a favor. No. I killed him.

"No. No. No," I mutter over and over again. I killed him. I killed him. I killed..._Stop_I command myself. Katniss she's alive. She's safe. Your child..._Stop_, it's not real. That was a lie. No child.

I fumble around again. Running again, the knife tight in my cut hand. It hurts, but the pain is enough to keep me moving. Till my last breath, I will protect her.

"Katniss!" I scream out. "Katniss!" To protect her, I need her with me. I just keep shouting her name as loud as I can. Maybe I can take some more people out in the process.

"Peeta! Peeta! I'm here! Peeta! I'm here! I'm here!" She's screaming louder than me. But she must be farther away. I start sprinting faster, harder, not caring that I could easily be given away. My hand pulses harshly, and the blood makes the knife slick. But I don't care. A cannon booms.

"Katniss!" I shriek out. No answer. "Katniss!" I howl again. Tears fall down my cheeks. I stab at the ground around me. No. No. No. She can't be dead. But...the canon. I slash around harshly, destroying the plants around me. I slash far enough into a tree that water gushes out of it. I slash hard enough into a shrub that by the time I'm done with it, there's no way to tell it was a shrub.

I hear a zap as I'm swinging the knife around. I hope I hit the force field. But I didn't. Sparks rain down around me, the soft, blue looking feathers. But they singe your skin when they touch you. The force field is gone. We can escape.

But now what is the point? Katniss is dead, and I should be to. I now start to run, the sparks raining down, loud booming sounds going off around me. Not cannons, but something else. As I run, looking for an active mutt or some other way to die, I see the fireworks. The Gamemakers are trying to hide the chaos. But it's not hiding anything from me. Its blood rain right now I think, maybe I can drown myself in it, maybe. But what if I'm wrong? I'm not going to take the chance.

I run over as fast as I can to the beach. I can drown myself. I dive into the water, swimming as deep as I could into it. I dig the knife into the ground to hold myself there. But something raps around chest, pulling me out of the water. I cough harshly, breathing in the fresh air. No. I need to die. I'm pulled into a hovercraft, shivering from the cold air. I look around, slightly surprised at what I see.

Everyone is frantic. Enobaria is there, shouting when she sees me. Johanna is shaking, tears falling down her face. I didn't even know she_could_cry. Servants are sprinting around to help everyone. Other residents don't know what's going on. But I do here something. Everyone is repeating it, over and over.

"Rebellion."

Someone runs over to me, asking all sorts of questions. I never answer. They tend to my hand, and other cuts and bruises along my body. A blanket is thrown over my shoulders, and I'm soon dry of the water that had once been my way to death. I stop crying at a point and let my now icy heart shroud me. Katniss was dead. I was alive. This didn't end correctly.

I won't eat. I won't drink.

Finally they just knock me out so I can have some peace.


	26. The Boy With WHAT!

**Just wanted to say, The Boy With _What? _was just posted! YEP! GO check it out my beautiful Muttations!**

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><p><strong>LINK.nets/7875468/1/The_Boy_With_What**

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><p>*<em><strong>~Acacia*Flynn*Mellark~*<strong>_


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